# Stupid hammer tricks, or Sauron's Gravity Experiment
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [June 18, 2015, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891 "2015-06-18T20:21:26Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)
#### Post date: [June 21, 2015, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/21 "2015-06-21T15:13:55Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#):
>
> I hit my head on my thermostat last week. I dropped something and when I stood back up, I was too close to the wall. Man, it bled and bled and I had to ice it for about 20 minutes before the pain subsided.
>
> I felt so stupid, which just added to my misery.
I did that once with a circuit breaker box–dropped something, it rolled under the box, I picked it up and forgot there was a circuit breaker box on the wall. Why the metal edge didn’t cut me I have no idea, but the lump swelled up so fast I could feel the skin vibrating under my fingers.–When I was able to touch it, that is; I was in a lab working with radioactive materials at the time, so I had to check my gloves (they weren’t contaminated) and remove them before I could check my head for damage. Safety first! (And no, the thing I dropped wasn’t radioactive; it was a roll of labeling tape, preprinted with RADIOACTIVE labels.)
---
### Author:  [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)
#### Post date: [June 21, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/22 "2015-06-21T15:57:37Z")
You didn’t mention swearing. Was there swearing involved? 😉
---
### Author:  [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)
#### Post date: [June 21, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/23 "2015-06-21T16:12:21Z")
At least it wasn’t a beer that you knocked off the ladder.
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### Author:  [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2015, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/24 "2015-06-22T13:09:26Z")
I think we’ve got the makings of a support group here.
**not what you’d expect, ryobserver, racer72** … we should get together and talk about hitting ourselves on the head with various objects. I bet we could get [Honeywell’s safety products division](http://www.honeywellsafety.com/USA/Product_Catalog/Head_Protection.aspx)to sponsor us.
---
### Author:  [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2015, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/25 "2015-06-22T16:37:54Z")
**Sauron** , I was thinking of you when we lost power in Nolensville, TN Friday night.
You weren’t doing any digging were you?
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### Author:  [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2015, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/26 "2015-06-22T17:46:32Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#):
>
> At least it wasn’t a beer that you knocked off the ladder.
Would you admit it if YOU knocked a beer over? (Maybe Budweiser)
I’d sooner admit to knocking an infant off a ladder.
---
### Author:  [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2015, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/27 "2015-06-22T17:47:37Z")
Just curious Sauron, did you also get hit by a falcon feather at the exact same time?
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### Author:  [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2015, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/28 "2015-06-22T18:25:38Z")
I love spitting coke onto my keyboard. When are you going to finish that book _you better be writing_ so I can buy it? Put my name at the top of the list and I’d like for you to autograph it, too, but please don’t drop it off by air-mail. I’d hate to get hit on top of the head or something…
---
### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [June 22, 2015, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/29 "2015-06-22T22:57:26Z")
> [@racer72](#):
>
> I hit my head with a refrigerator the other morning. Reached in the grab the stuff for my lunch and raised up a bit to quickly. Suddenly the frig light went out and I dropped to one knee. I opened my eyes and the frig light was back on. The cat was chasing grapes across the kitchen floor. Some Frigidare engineer must have thought it was funny to put that big switch right in the top middle of the frig door opening. We are required to wear bump caps at work to prevent such things from causing injuries. I might start wearing one at home.
My father has thrown himself out of bed twice now, fighting someone in his dreams. I’m thinking restraints are in order.
Oh, and I did something similar to you, but up into the corner of an open cabinet door. That smarts.
---
### Author:  [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)
#### Post date: [June 23, 2015, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/30 "2015-06-23T13:20:24Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#):
>
> **Sauron** , I was thinking of you when we lost power in Nolensville, TN Friday night.
>
> You weren’t doing any digging were you?
Not that I recall, but I might have been fiddling with the settings on our thermostat, so you’re probably safe in blaming me.
> [@Saint Cad](#):
>
> Just curious Sauron, did you also get hit by a falcon feather at the exact same time?
You know what, now that you mention it …
> [@Becky2844](#):
>
> When are you going to finish that book \*you better be writing \*so I can buy it?
Good news! My first bestselling\* book is available, and because you’re a Doper you get a discount! And it’s an e-book, so no airmail delivery required. Check my signature.
\*\*It’s the top-selling book promoted on my blog. Of course, it’s also the ONLY book promoted on my blog, but I won’t tell if you won’t. \*
---
### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [June 23, 2015, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/31 "2015-06-23T13:55:24Z")
> [@G0sp3l](#):
>
> Would you admit it if YOU knocked a beer over? (Maybe Budweiser)
>
> I’d sooner admit to knocking an infant off a ladder.
I tend to find a surprising number of infants up on my ladder. Usually they have their little colored plastic shapes and they’re trying to fit them through the proper holes at the top of the ladder. Who am I to stop their fun? Plus, no worries, most of them are wearing a jumper.
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### Author:  [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)
#### Post date: [June 23, 2015, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/32 "2015-06-23T19:34:46Z")
If the trellis is still attached to the brick wall, I’d consider the project a resounding success.
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### Author:  [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)
#### Post date: [June 23, 2015, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/33 "2015-06-23T20:56:03Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#):
>
> If the trellis is still attached to the brick wall, I’d consider the project a resounding success.
I’m waiting for the thread “Wherein Sauron Gets Hit in the Head with a Falling Trellis: How I Found My Other Hammer”
---
### Author:  [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/34 "2015-06-24T15:04:09Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#):
>
> I’m waiting for the thread “Wherein Sauron Gets Hit in the Head with a Falling Trellis: How I Found My Other Hammer”
It’s like you know me or something.
Happily, the trellis is still attached to the wall. The vine, on the other hand, shows every sign of giving up the ghost. It’s grown in that spot for about six or seven years, and now that I do something to help it, it croaks.
---
### Author:  [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2015, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/35 "2015-06-25T20:25:42Z")
> [@Sauron](#):
>
> … … …
> While I was sipping the Milo’s tea (which is proof that God exists and wants us to be happy), I decided to stop drilling into the adamantium-and-Valyrian-steel bricks for a few minutes, and install the screw anchors into the holes I’d made. So I got my trusty hammer, and my ever-faithful plastic screw anchors, and climbed back up the stepladder.
>
> … … …
>
> Because I’m a guy, my first thought wasn’t “How badly am I hurt?” or “What just hit me?” No, it was “I hope nobody saw that.” I took a quick look around, but fortunately only one of my neighbors was outside, and I know he couldn’t have seen me, because he was doubled over in his front yard laughing about something.
That was beautiful!
And, for making a soggy mess of my computer monitors, I condemn you to repeating the entire performance – not because you need to revive the vine (which you do) but because you used plastic screw anchors, which really aren’t gong to do a proper job of holding screws into masonry (i.e. brick, stone, cement). You need a [masonry bolt/screw on a sleeved masonry insert](http://www.homedepot.com/p/Red-Head-1-2-in-x-4-in-Steel-Hex-Head-Sleeve-Anchors-25-Pack-11285/100201816) – though not necessarily this exact type from Home Despot.
To make your job easier, try using a [del]hammer drill[/del] masonry drill bit. If you’re really lucky, the bit will be included in the pack of bolts you buy. If you’re semi-lucky, you’ll need multiple packs of bolts and end up with a couple useless masonry bits. If you’re just plain unlucky – well, I guess we just finished reading about that.
Let us know how it turns out – and send us a picture of the vine next year.
–G!😃
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### Author:  [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/36 "2015-06-25T21:52:29Z")
> [@Grestarian](#):
>
> That was beautiful!
>
> And, for making a soggy mess of my computer monitors, I condemn you to repeating the entire performance – not because you need to revive the vine (which you do) but because you used plastic screw anchors, which really aren’t gong to do a proper job of holding screws into masonry.
**Grestarian** , you seem like a fine, upstanding person with impeccable taste, so I hope you take this in the best possible way: I hate you.
I have never had a plastic anchor not hold in masonry – in fact, a couple of times I’ve needed to remove a screw and anchor, and had a difficult time getting them back out. Now, of course, because you’ve let me know that a plastic anchor is insufficient, the entire trellis is going to come crashing down, and the dead vine will poke me in the eye.
> [@](#):
>
> To make your job easier, try using a [del]hammer drill[/del] masonry drill bit.
I DID have a masonry drill bit, though, so at least I did that part right. Although now that I think about it, I may have put it into the drill upside-down.
---
### Author:  [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2015, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/37 "2015-06-25T22:06:30Z")
> [@Sauron](#):
>
> Good news! My first bestselling\* book is available, and because you’re a Doper you get a discount! And it’s an e-book, so no airmail delivery required. Check my signature.[/SIZE]\*
Bought. Criticism later.
---
### Author:  [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2015, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/38 "2015-06-25T22:22:35Z")
> [@Grestarian](#):
>
> That was beautiful!
>
> And, for making a soggy mess of my computer monitors, I condemn you to repeating the entire performance – not because you need to revive the vine (which you do) but because you used plastic screw anchors, which really aren’t gong to do a proper job of holding screws into masonry (i.e. brick, stone, cement). You need a [masonry bolt/screw on a sleeved masonry insert](http://www.homedepot.com/p/Red-Head-1-2-in-x-4-in-Steel-Hex-Head-Sleeve-Anchors-25-Pack-11285/100201816) – though not necessarily this exact type from Home Despot.
>
> To make your job easier, try using a [del]hammer drill[/del] masonry drill bit. If you’re really lucky, the bit will be included in the pack of bolts you buy. If you’re semi-lucky, you’ll need multiple packs of bolts and end up with a couple useless masonry bits. If you’re just plain unlucky – well, I guess we just finished reading about that.
>
> Let us know how it turns out – and send us a picture of the vine next year.
>
> –G!😃
Seriously? Let us know how it turns out?
Lost Wages is now closed because of your suggestions; they lack drinking water & the Hoover Dam is a pile of climbing rocks! :smack:
---
### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [June 26, 2015, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/39 "2015-06-26T04:06:32Z")
> [@Grestarian](#):
>
> You need a [masonry bolt/screw on a sleeved masonry insert](http://www.homedepot.com/p/Red-Head-1-2-in-x-4-in-Steel-Hex-Head-Sleeve-Anchors-25-Pack-11285/100201816) – though not necessarily this exact type from Home Despot.
>
> To make your job easier, try using a [del]hammer drill[/del] masonry drill bit.
Does the phrase “let sleeping dogs lie” mean anything to you?! Northern New England is just now digging itself out of the mess caused by the events in the OP.
---
### Author:  [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)
#### Post date: [June 26, 2015, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hammer-tricks-or-saurons-gravity-experiment/722891/40 "2015-06-26T12:35:43Z")
> [@gigi](#):
>
> Does the phrase **“let sleeping dogs lie”** mean anything to you?! Northern New England is just now digging itself out of the mess caused by the events in the OP.
That reminds me! I need to build a new doghouse for our dog Baxter. Shouldn’t take me more than a couple of hours, tops.
I hope you’ve stockpiled plenty of canned goods and supplies.
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