# Stupid Hot Pockets and their lack of structural integrity **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2008, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438 "2008-08-18T16:16:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/1 "2008-08-18T16:16:44Z")
Hot Pockets are great for lunch at the office. Quick to heat, reasonably filling, tasty. But why is that every time I make them in the microwave, following instructions to the letter, they burst open and splooge out the cheese? And why does it happen every time on the end that’s next to the fold-in flaps of the crisper holder? Grrrr. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/2 "2008-08-18T16:52:21Z")
Maybe you have a super-hi-wattage micro? Joe ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/3 "2008-08-18T16:57:47Z")
I’m not certain how Hot Pockets are actually made, but I think the part that breaks open was the end that stayed open to put the filling in, then closed with some kind of crappy edible glue that doesn’t actually hold together. The cheese sauce is nasty anyway. Barbecue Hot Pockets are the _only_ variety that doesn’t actually contain any cheese sauce. It’s also pretty darn good. Coincidence? I think not. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/4 "2008-08-18T18:58:15Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] I’m not certain how Hot Pockets are actually made, but I think the part that breaks open was the end that stayed open to put the filling in, then closed with some kind of crappy edible glue that doesn’t actually hold together. [/quote] I don’t have one in front of me at the moment but I think they’re seamed all the way around. They sometimes splooge out other spots as well but somehow they always manage to burst at the fold-in flap. If it were a single-nozzle filling situation, what are the odds I’d put the nozzle end in oriented the same way every time? > [@Bosstone](#): > > The cheese sauce is nasty anyway. Barbecue Hot Pockets are the _only_ variety that doesn’t actually contain any cheese sauce. It’s also pretty darn good. Coincidence? I think not. I get either the four-cheese pizza or the brocolli and cheese, which I believe both use actual cheese as opposed to cheese sauce. At least it looks like melted shredded cheese and not sauce. I’m vegetarian so I don’t have too many Hot Pockets choices. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/5 "2008-08-18T19:16:07Z")
[Obligatory Hot Pocket video.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zewDAa99Ns8) ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/6 "2008-08-18T19:17:30Z")
I had a Lean Pocket for lunch. The cheese is the only reason for its existence. Everything else is only a means of conveying the cheese to my mouth. ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/7 "2008-08-18T19:31:09Z")
For structural integrity and actual taste, though not because I am a granola hippie of any sort, I highly recommend [Amy’s brand pockets](http://www.amys.com/products/category_view.php?prod_category=8). To decrease sploogitude on Hot Pockets brand pockets, decrease microwave time incrementally. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/8 "2008-08-18T19:46:07Z")
[QUOTE=Otto] I’m vegetarian so I don’t have too many Hot Pockets choices. [/QUOTE] Have you tried Aldi’s pseudo-Hot Pockets? They have a vegetarian variety that’s one of my favorites (even though I’m not a vegetarian). ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/9 "2008-08-18T19:51:57Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] The cheese sauce is nasty anyway. Barbecue Hot Pockets are the _only_ variety that doesn’t actually contain any cheese sauce. It’s also pretty darn good. Coincidence? I think not. [/QUOTE] Roger that. BBQ Hot Pockets are the part-time bachelor’s best friend (next to beer and delivery pizza). The rest are just…blah or worse. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/10 "2008-08-18T23:31:16Z")
[QUOTE=Otto] I get either the four-cheese pizza or the brocolli and cheese, which I believe both use actual cheese as opposed to cheese sauce. At least it looks like melted shredded cheese and not sauce. [/QUOTE] It is actual cheese. Sometimes I’ll put it in a microwave that doesn’t properly heat it all the way through at work. When I eat it, it’s warm, but not piping hot and the cheese is still kinda cubed inside. Soft, melty cubes, but cubes. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/11 "2008-08-18T23:40:40Z")
Perhaps you could try reducing the cooking time slightly? As someone has already mentioned, your microwave might be of a better quality than most. It’s always a gamble anyway. Chances are, biting into something like that out of the microwave could lead to gaging because it’s dead fish cold, or nuclear hot. ---
**Author:** ![Apocalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/12 "2008-08-19T02:33:21Z")
[QUOTE=interface2x] It is actual cheese. Sometimes I’ll put it in a microwave that doesn’t properly heat it all the way through at work. When I eat it, it’s warm, but not piping hot and the cheese is still kinda cubed inside. Soft, melty cubes, but cubes. [/QUOTE] Does it say “cheese”, period, on the box, or something else? 'Cause if it’s something else, that ain’t legal gubamint defined “Cheese”. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/13 "2008-08-19T03:22:31Z")
Ideal gas law. Have you tried poking it with the fork you’re going to use later? Twist it a bit if necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Subway\_Prophet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Subway\_Prophet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subway_Prophet)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-hot-pockets-and-their-lack-of-structural-integrity/460438/14 "2008-08-19T17:20:09Z")
Don’t use the paper foldy thingys the Hot Pockets box tells you to use. Throw them away, and wrap the hot pockets _loosely_ in a paper towel. The goal here is to trap a fraction of the steam and heat, not to hermetically seal it. I don’t get nearly as many HPEs (Hot Pocket Explosions) using this method, and frankly they’re just as crispy (i.e. not) as they are when cooked with the paper foldy thingys. YMMV, of course.