# Stupid Jerk **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 29, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-jerk/501371 "2009-06-29T18:21:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-jerk/501371/21 "2009-07-01T01:46:43Z")
Of course it’s when i’m pressed for time in the morning; trying to be quiet while my housemate sleeps: end up banging into things that make a lot of noise (poor neighbors too), drop shit (like food) all over the floor-having to clean it up right there and then. I never knew that a plastic container of yogurt, sealed and top cover firmly in place, can explode as it hits the floor juuuust at the right angle. Did i mention i take public commute to work? ---
**Author:** ![Rascal\_s\_Mom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a698b9/32.png) [@Rascal\_s\_Mom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rascal_s_Mom)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-jerk/501371/22 "2009-07-01T18:01:54Z")
Last weekend I moved from my long-time home to a smaller place in Madison. One night last week I went to the new place to wipe down surfaces. Cleaning the inside of the fridge stood up and bonked my head - HARD - on the freezer door that I didn’t realize was open. Last Friday night got up to go to the bathroom, tripped over something and fell, hitting my head on the corner of my dresser, drawing blood. Went to feed my dog across my dining room taking a shortcut where my dining room table used to reside, bonked my head on the chandelier. Picked up the dog’s dish, turned around and returning on the same path bonked it again! Last night carrying an end table out to the garage, smashed a finger between the table and the door jamb and drew major blood. I ache. ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-jerk/501371/23 "2009-07-01T18:36:58Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > Last week my partner had bought onions and hadn’t put them away. Our kitchen is small, so when I saw what I thought was an empty bag on the counter, I picked it up as if it was empty to throw it away. Of course the onions went flying, accompanied by a (genuinely fearful-sounding, apparently) cry of “AAAUUGH! ONIONS!” One of the onions hit me in the left nipple, the other fell on my toe. All of this increased the hilarity for my partner, who has now taken to sneaking out of the kitchen with onions, creeping up behind me and then dropping them in my lap, shouting, “AAUUGH! ONIONS!”. Oh ha ha. And _I_ can’t stop laughing at this. I think your partner and I would get along well. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-jerk/501371/24 "2009-07-01T18:43:20Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > On a crowded commuter bus a few years ago, someone ran to try to catch it as the doors were closing. The woman managed to get one hand in the door-- the one holding her coffee cup. Which promptly exploded over everyone near the door. If we’re tracking which of these stories are cracking people up – one vote for this one. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-jerk/501371/25 "2009-07-01T19:34:50Z")
I was at a picnic where the food was placed buffet style on a line of picnic tables. I was at the condiment end putting steak sauce on my plate and I shook the bottle before I poured. As I went to take the top off the bottle I realized the cap was gone. I looked around for a bit and then looked behind me. Yep, the top wasn’t screwed on and when I shook the bottle a huge glob of steak sauce went over my shoulder and all over the woman behind me. Before I could say sorry, I busted out laughing. Luckily for me she had a sense of humor. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-jerk/501371.md?page=1)