# Stupid library patrons **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 15, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104 "2005-08-15T15:43:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/41 "2005-08-18T21:37:34Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > So what would be a fitting punishment for someone who commits sacrilege against books? It would have to really hurt. Maybe being squashed in an old fashioned printing press? Papercuts. Lots and lots and lots and lots of them. On the eyeballs, too. I’m one vindictive librarian! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/42 "2005-08-18T22:08:07Z")
> [@Obsidian](#): > > On my list of college “incidents” that just about everyone I know has heard me rant about involves an 1841 copy of Henry V that I found in the stacks at Alexander Library at Rutgers University (They had a LOT of old books in regular circulation). I was delighted to find this book, checked it out and took it home. I sat down in my dorm, opened it up, and discovered. . . . > > Someone had covered it with blue highliter! A 170 year old book, and someone saw fit to highlight it! _gasp gasp_ Someone help me…I can’t breathe… ---
**Author:** ![MizQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@MizQuirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizQuirk)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/43 "2005-08-19T02:48:19Z")
What I hated most in our library was opening a beautiful Audubon book to find that pictures on some of the pages had been cut out, probably to be pasted into some kid’s report for school. I called the last patron, who of course said the book “was that way when we got it.” And maybe it had been. But if that was the case, we could have at least found the last user before them if they’d told us about it instead of just returning it in the book drop. Sometimes parents are conscientious enough to question their kids, get to the bottom of it, and pay the piper. I know if _I_ had gotten the book that way as a patron, I damn well would have reported it before I returned it. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/44 "2005-08-19T03:08:14Z")
> [@MizQuirk](#): > > I know if _I_ had gotten the book that way as a patron, I damn well would have reported it before I returned it. I seem to read the same books as someone who leaves red marks, smears, and blotches all over the pages. I _hope_ it’s not dried blood; I _think_ it’s makeup; it _could_ be spaghetti sauce. I reported it the first couple of times and got a shrug, then later found the same fouled book back on the shelf. I don’t report them anymore, but I’m thinking of buying medical gloves for reading. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/45 "2005-08-19T03:32:43Z")
> [@Motorgirl](#): > > Papercuts. Lots and lots and lots and lots of them. On the eyeballs, too. > > I’m one vindictive librarian! With lemon juice! ---
**Author:** ![VegemiteMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df788c/32.png) [@VegemiteMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VegemiteMoose)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/46 "2005-08-19T03:44:39Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > I seem to read the same books as someone who leaves red marks, smears, and blotches all over the pages. I _hope_ it’s not dried blood; I _think_ it’s makeup; it _could_ be spaghetti sauce. I reported it the first couple of times and got a shrug, then later found the same fouled book back on the shelf. I don’t report them anymore, but I’m thinking of buying medical gloves for reading. Ewwwww. That’s right up there with the “two pages stuck together with what I’m pretty sure is a smushed booger”. Blech. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/47 "2005-08-19T03:47:41Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > In R.A.Heinlein’s The Number of the Beast the protagonists are, at one point, in a world that has “punishment to fit the crime” A quote from the book says _“Arsonists are burned to death, poisoners are poisoned, and I won’t even describe what’s done to a rapist.”_ > > So what would be a fitting punishment for someone who commits sacrilege against books? Something with the eyes, maybe. Like screwing around with swaths of the “cone” cells in your retina, so patches of your vision can only see the color yellow (like someone’s “highlighted” your visual field with a yellow marker)? That, or precise neurosurgery to induce [Alexia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexia_%28disorder%29). Be able to speak, hear, dressyourself, etc. But the written word would now be off-limits to you. Forever. There, how’s THAT for Poe-style vengeance? ::William Stendahl smiley:: ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/48 "2005-08-19T21:46:27Z")
Oh, sure, fine. You merely suggest punitive psychosurgery for people who mark up library books, and everyone looks at your like _you’re_ the crazy one. Well that’s just peachy. :mad: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/49 "2005-08-19T22:03:54Z")
I really liked your idea. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/50 "2005-08-19T23:55:03Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > There, IMHO, are 2 more reasons why libraries shouldn’t be in the business of stocking videos and music. There are already lots and lots of avenues available to those who would pirate movies and music. Why would you want to take away a reasonable way for honest people to borrow them for a short time? ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/51 "2005-08-20T00:15:11Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > There are already lots and lots of avenues available to those who would pirate movies and music. Why would you want to take away a reasonable way for honest people to borrow them for a short time? It’s an old rant from the winter of our missed content. In hindsight, that drive-by was a hijack post I shouldn’t have made. I apologize ---
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/52 "2005-08-20T02:18:27Z")
> [@VegemiteMoose](#): > > Ewwwww. That’s right up there with the “two pages stuck together with what I’m pretty sure is a smushed booger”. Blech. The smushed booger books don’t bother me as much as the erotica books that have suspicious stains and stuck together pages right at the “dirty bits”. And there was the time that someone managed to piss in our book drop … ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/53 "2005-08-20T05:24:44Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > I seem to read the same books as someone who leaves red marks, smears, and blotches all over the pages. I _hope_ it’s not dried blood; I _think_ it’s makeup; it _could_ be spaghetti sauce. I reported it the first couple of times and got a shrug, then later found the same fouled book back on the shelf. I don’t report them anymore, but I’m thinking of buying medical gloves for reading. You’re telling me. And to think I handled the anatomy atlas I borrowed out of the library with bare hands. It took me a few times to click that I didn’t remove my own gloves to handle the book after I had been touching a corpse, so why would anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/54 "2005-08-20T12:54:15Z")
> [@Ultraviolet](#): > > And there was the time that someone managed to piss in our book drop … Do you watch ‘Reno 911’? In one episode they had to clean out a book donation box that someone shit into. ---
**Author:** ![infamousmom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d6d6ee/32.png) [@infamousmom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/infamousmom)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/55 "2005-08-20T19:32:29Z")
Idiot patron: The computer’s not working. Me: In what way? IP: I turned it off to test the drive and now it won’t turn back on. Me: “Test the drive???” IP: Yeah. I turned it off because I had to test the drive. Couldn’t figure that one out, so I went with him to the computer in question, typed in the BIOS password and it booted right up. Problem? The CD-ROM drives in the library computers are disabled, precisely so morons like him can’t do what he tried to do: Install Earthlink from his own CD. Arrogant patron: I want to sign up for a computer. Me: Next one is available at 6pm. (current time, 5pm) AP: Nothing earlier? Me (in a perfectly pleasant tone of voice): No, I wouldn’t tell you 6pm if I had anything earlier. AP: That’s it, I’m going to talk with [library director] about your attitude problem! ---
**Author:** ![infamousmom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d6d6ee/32.png) [@infamousmom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/infamousmom)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/56 "2005-08-20T19:41:40Z")
> [@Ultraviolet](#): > > And there was the time that someone managed to piss in our book drop … I found a 3-pack of condoms in the book drop once. Unused, fortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/57 "2005-08-20T19:51:19Z")
Believe it or not, the Nashville Library system has bizzare people _sneaking books **onto** the shelves_! The local Militia groups disguise their tracts as library books, right down to a (relatively) correct Dewey Decimel number, & sneak the “books” onto the shelves. Mostly anti-Income Tax or Ruby Ridge stuff. The librarian says they’ve found any number of the darn things. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/58 "2005-08-20T20:05:45Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Do you watch ‘Reno 911’? In one episode they had to clean out a book donation box that someone shit into. I’m trying to figure out the contortions a person would have to go through in order to accomplish the above. Most book drops I’ve seen have a pull-open device that tilts upward, and it’s situated high on the box. You pull on the handle, the door opens outward at an upward angle, drop in the books, and let the thing fall shut. You’d have to climb on top of the donation box and hang your butt over the edge, while reaching backward to keep the drop window open. Where’s the puke smily when you need one? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/59 "2005-08-20T20:10:39Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I’m trying to figure out the contortions a person would have to go through in order to accomplish the above. Most book drops I’ve seen have a pull-open device that tilts upward, and it’s situated high on the box. You pull on the handle, the door opens outward at an upward angle, drop in the books, and let the thing fall shut. You’d have to climb on top of the donation box and hang your butt over the edge, while reaching backward to keep the drop window open. > > Where’s the puke smily when you need one? IIRC, it was just a cardboard box with a slot on the top outside a building, not a book drop. I bet if the writers thought about it, they would realized a book drop would have been much funnier, and used that instead. The officers describing the contortions the shitter would have had to go through, as you did, could have been some good comedy. ---
**Author:** ![liberty3701](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@liberty3701](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liberty3701)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104/60 "2005-08-20T20:52:06Z")
> [@Obsidian](#): > > On my list of college “incidents” that just about everyone I know has heard me rant about involves an 1841 copy of Henry V that I found in the stacks at Alexander Library at Rutgers University (They had a LOT of old books in regular circulation). I was delighted to find this book, checked it out and took it home. I sat down in my dorm, opened it up, and discovered. . . . > > Someone had covered it with blue highliter! A 170 year old book, and someone saw fit to highlight it! C’mon, it’s Rutgers, what do you expect? 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-library-patrons/317104.md?page=4)