# Stupid Masturbation Question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 14, 2017, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324 "2017-09-14T16:15:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/21 "2017-09-14T20:12:34Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Someone really needs to make this poll! 5 minutes seems absurdly quick to me. How does that even feel good or enjoyable? That seems more like a chore to me and absurdly quick. If my goal is to feel good and take my time, I’ll generally go have sex with my wife. Talk about a chore, why would I want to spend an entire 15 minutes or more of my day wanking? ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/22 "2017-09-14T20:13:12Z")
Hey, I’m older. It takes me five minutes to remember how to do it. Dennis ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/23 "2017-09-14T20:13:15Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Someone really needs to make this poll! 5 minutes seems absurdly quick to me. How does that even feel good or enjoyable? That seems more like a chore to me and absurdly quick. Yeah, why bother? Flirt with yourself. Pull back from it. Play hard (ahem) to get. Stop before you’re finished and go do something ELSE for an hour, then come back and do the same until you can’t stand to interrupt it any more. Torment yourself, it’s fun! ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/24 "2017-09-14T20:14:49Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > The idea of the classic cold shower comes from a time when masturbation was not considered a perfectly reasonable thing to do. It’s mostly that it was socially unacceptable to discuss in public. You could use a joke in a movie about a cold shower; masturbation, not so much. Same thing for cursing–people cursed all the time in 1930s but say “give a damn” in a movie and it’s a scandal. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/25 "2017-09-14T20:16:07Z")
But why would the cold shower _or_ masturbation be necessary? Arousal will go away on its own in time, and usually a lot less time than it would take to be able to arrange for the privacy needed for either “solution”. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/26 "2017-09-14T22:33:12Z")
Has the OP never heard the old saying: There are no stupid masturbation questions. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/27 "2017-09-14T22:57:36Z")
😕 Something’s bass-ackwards in this whole thread, that not one poster has remarked upon yet. Cold baths (or showers) are (or once were?) widely thought to _increase_ testosterone production and thus _enhance_ sex drive and performance (in males anyway). Cold baths were prescribed to _increase_ men’s libidos and treat erectile dysfunction. Among the benefits of cold baths or showers: > [@](#): > > **Increases testosterone.** During the 19th century, many doctors and ministers recommended that young men take baths in cold water to reduce the sin of “self-pollution,” i.e. whacking off. Cold water was thought to extinguish a man’s flaming carnal desires. [There was even a ghastly device invented on this principle.](http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/02/27/the-10-worst-products-for-men-ever-created/#warning) > > How wrong they were! The same study by the Thrombosis Research Institute cited above showed that cold water showers actually increase testosterone production in men. Increased testosterone levels not only boost a man’s libido, but also his overall strength and energy level. If you’re looking to increase your testosterone, instead of juicing up like Mark McGwire, hop into a cold shower. (Link in original.) [The James Bond Shower: A Shot of Cold Water for Health and Vitality](http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/01/18/the-james-bond-shower-a-shot-of-cold-water-for-health-and-vitality/) ISTM I’ve seen similar discussions in various of those men’s self-help type of books you can find at Barnes & Noble, or least that was popular 40-some years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/28 "2017-09-15T01:40:22Z")
Years ago, my office got a lascivious photo in the mail. Me: “Boy howdy! 'Scuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom for a half hour.” Female Co-worker: “A HALF HOUR? Take ME in there with you.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/29 "2017-09-15T01:45:38Z")
It takes me a good five minutes just to get consent. ETA: I just realized, maybe some of you sick fucks don’t bother with consent. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Trafalgar\_Laura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trafalgar_laura/32/2907_2.png) [@Trafalgar\_Laura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trafalgar_Laura)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/30 "2017-09-15T01:51:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > It takes me a good five minutes just to get consent. > > ETA: I just realized, maybe some of you sick fucks don’t bother with consent. ☹ … Consent… to masturbate? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/31 "2017-09-15T02:40:51Z")
There’s no such thing as stupid masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/32 "2017-09-15T03:37:44Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > It takes me a good five minutes just to get consent. > > ETA: I just realized, maybe some of you sick fucks don’t bother with consent. ☹ Do you always call yourself afterwards? Do you still respect yourself in the morning? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/33 "2017-09-15T05:46:25Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Years ago, my office got a lascivious photo in the mail. > > Me: “Boy howdy! 'Scuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom for a half hour.” > > Female Co-worker: “A HALF HOUR? Take ME in there with you.” These days, you could both sue each other and the company for that kind of exchange. PROFIT! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/34 "2017-09-15T06:07:32Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > It takes me a good five minutes just to get consent. > > ETA: I just realized, maybe some of you sick fucks don’t bother with consent. ☹ Finding a typewriter that can handle the multi-part consent forms is the difficult part nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/35 "2017-09-15T06:57:38Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Finding a typewriter that can handle the multi-part consent forms is the difficult part nowadays. Although filling them out while typing one-handed can be a challenge in and of itself. ---
**Author:** ![GreenWyvern](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greenwyvern/32/2834_2.png) [@GreenWyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenWyvern)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/36 "2017-09-15T07:08:29Z")
What’s missing from this discussion is the physiological effect of cold showers, which is well researched. Overview of effects of water at various temperatures (meta analysis): [Scientific Evidence-Based Effects of Hydrotherapy on Various Systems of the Body](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4049052/) > [@](#): > > Immersion at 14°C lowered Tre and increased MR by 350%, HR, SBP, and DBP by 5%, 7%, and 8%, respectively. **Plasma noradrenaline and dopamine concentrations were increased by 530% and by 250%, respectively** , while diuresis increased by 163%, which was more than at 32°C. Plasma aldosterone concentrations increased by 23%. Plasma renin activity was reduced. Cortisol concentrations tended to decrease. Plasma adrenaline concentrations remained unchanged. Changes in plasma renin activity were not related to changes in aldosterone concentrations.[3] > … > Regular winter swimming significantly\*\* decreased tension, fatigue, memory, and mood negative state points\*\* with the duration of swimming period; significantly **increased vigor-activity scores** ; **relieved pain** who suffered from rheumatism, fibromyalgia, or asthma; and **improved general well-being** in swimmers.[4] > … > Cold water immersion (CWI) induces significant physiological and biochemical changes in the body such as increase in HR, BP, metabolism, and peripheral catecholamine concentration; and decrease in cerebral blood flow.[11] > … > Adapted cold shower might have **antipsychotic effect** similar to that of electroconvulsive therapy because it could work as mild electroshock applied to sensory cortex. Additionally, cold shower is example of stress-induced analgesia and would also be expected to “crowd out” or suppress psychosis-related neurotransmission within mesolimbic system.[31] > … > Daily brief cold stress can increase both numbers and activity of peripheral cytotoxic T-lymphocytes and NK cells, the major effectors of adaptive and innate **tumor immunity** , respectively. > … > etc, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/37 "2017-09-15T09:38:36Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Years ago, my office got a lascivious photo in the mail. > > Me: “Boy howdy! 'Scuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom for a half hour.” > > Female Co-worker: “A HALF HOUR? Take ME in there with you.” Sounds like a variation of an old joke. Professor in “Hygiene” class: “Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” Student: “How can you make it last an hour?” ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/38 "2017-09-15T10:26:22Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > There’s no such thing as stupid masturbation. [I donno](https://www.runnersworld.com/general-interest/man-arrested-for-masturbating-during-half-marathon). He was a spectator and not a participant, which makes it a far less challenging, although equally as stupid. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/39 "2017-09-15T10:39:41Z")
> [@GreenWyvern](#): > > What’s missing from this discussion is the physiological effect of cold showers, which is well researched. > > Overview of effects of water at various temperatures (meta analysis): > > [Scientific Evidence-Based Effects of Hydrotherapy on Various Systems of the Body](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4049052/) I’ve done cold water immersion while kayaking and all I felt was miserably cold. I also took ice cold showers for a month (I notified my utilities two months prior to moving. The gas company shut off my gas a month early, and I accepted the challenge). An ice cold shower really wakes you up. It’s uncomfortable, makes it difficult to breath, and leads to a very quick shower. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/40 "2017-09-15T17:45:32Z")
> [@GreenWyvern](#): > > What’s missing from this discussion is the physiological effect of cold showers, which is well researched. > > Overview of effects of water at various temperatures (meta analysis): > > [Scientific Evidence-Based Effects of Hydrotherapy on Various Systems of the Body](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4049052/) Don’t people just think about Baseball? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324.md?page=3)