# Stupid Masturbation Question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 14, 2017, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324 "2017-09-14T16:15:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/41 "2017-09-15T18:31:33Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > 😕 Something’s bass-ackwards in this whole thread, that not one poster has remarked upon yet. > > Cold baths (or showers) are (or once were?) widely thought to _increase_ testosterone production and thus _enhance_ sex drive and performance (in males anyway). Cold baths were prescribed to _increase_ men’s libidos and treat erectile dysfunction. Among the benefits of cold baths or showers:… It’s a good thing I detest cold water immersion, then. If I increased my libido any more I could hire myself out as a fire starter. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/42 "2017-09-15T19:12:01Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Don’t people just think about Baseball? Basketball, must be basketball. Baseball doesn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/43 "2017-09-15T20:04:55Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Years ago, my office got a lascivious photo in the mail. > > Me: “Boy howdy! 'Scuse me, I’ll be in the bathroom for a half hour.” > > Female Co-worker: “A HALF HOUR? Take ME in there with you.” “I’ll be in my bunk.” ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/44 "2017-09-16T05:33:10Z")
Sounds like we have this problem well in hand. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/45 "2017-09-16T15:32:04Z")
Then he took a pull, then I took a pull, then he took a pull, and I took a long pull… You do realize I’m talking about a bottle? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/46 "2017-09-16T16:41:11Z")
I once knew a guy who always cried when he masturbated. A real tearjerker. ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/47 "2017-09-16T17:07:15Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > maybe someone should start a poll. Five minutes doesn’t seem off to me, if one is in a hurry. You mean start a pole? Five minutes? Isn’t that a little bit “wham, bam, thank-you, hand?” Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/48 "2017-09-16T18:18:52Z")
[This](https://imgur.com/YuNRfNb) is from my father’s Boy Scout manual published in 1943. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/49 "2017-09-16T18:19:00Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > It takes me a good five minutes just to get consent. > > ETA: I just realized, maybe some of you sick fucks don’t bother with consent. ☹ > [@Trafalgar\_Laura](#): > > … Consent… to masturbate? 😕 Now that I look closely, those three question marks DO somewhat resemble windblown hairs. Need a comb? ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/50 "2017-09-16T18:27:19Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > [This](https://imgur.com/YuNRfNb) is from my father’s Boy Scout manual published in 1943. Yeah, it’s called “the sex fluid”. Rules your whole body. Don’t waste it. (OK, it’s hilarious now to read such made up drivel, but it did a lot of damage in the days…) ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/51 "2017-09-16T19:09:10Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Yeah, it’s called “the sex fluid”. Rules your whole body. Don’t waste it. (OK, it’s hilarious now to read such made up drivel, but it did a lot of damage in the days…) “A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works. I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love… Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I — I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake…but I do deny them my essence.” – Base Commander Jack D. Ripper Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Trafalgar\_Laura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trafalgar_laura/32/2907_2.png) [@Trafalgar\_Laura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trafalgar_Laura)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2017, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/52 "2017-09-18T03:54:35Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Now that I look closely, those three question marks DO somewhat resemble windblown hairs. > > Need a comb? Heh, as soon as I glanced back at the thread, the “whoosh” sound that I heard when I posted suddenly made total sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2017, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/53 "2017-09-18T04:44:39Z")
I can see where a guy might get bound up a bit if he is making out and getting teased by a girl, otherwise the need just passes on its own until we have time to take care of it. I never have gotten the cold shower thing. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2017, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/54 "2017-09-18T14:06:52Z")
Sex fluid? Is that another name for alcohol? ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/55 "2017-12-08T20:56:39Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > [This](https://imgur.com/YuNRfNb) is from my father’s Boy Scout manual published in 1943. “Seek advice from wise, clean, strong men.” This sounds suspiciously like a personals ad in the Castro. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/56 "2017-12-08T22:03:22Z")
Cold shower vs. masturbate? Can’t I do both like the late Earl Warren? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/57 "2017-12-08T22:12:39Z")
There are no stupid masturbation questions-There are just embarrassing stains. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/58 "2017-12-08T22:32:22Z")
I guess a cold shower wont work for blue balls, but masturbation will? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2017, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/59 "2017-12-09T06:34:54Z")
So, how are things standing? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2017, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324/60 "2017-12-09T07:12:07Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > But why would the cold shower _or_ masturbation be necessary? Arousal will go away on its own in time, and usually a lot less time than it would take to be able to arrange for the privacy needed for either “solution”. Presumably they are in a situation where they would remain aroused, and the arousal is distracting them or otherwise impeding them. And, yes, count me in on thinking a cold shower was a metaphor or euphemism. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-masturbation-question/796324.md?page=4)