# Stupid neighbor heathen children. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 14, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452 "2009-03-14T21:41:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![rwhbyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@rwhbyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rwhbyu)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/1 "2009-03-14T21:41:49Z")
I pit my neighbors 4 heathen children for continually messing with my garden. Last fall it was pulling all my green tomatoes off my vines and throwing them all over our condo complex. This spring they have stomped all over my just barely peeking through tulips and daffodils. Not to mention REPEATEDLY pulling out my little decorative fence. I hate their father because he is a total dick who threatened to kick my dog in the head, and I am pretty ticked at the single mom because she has zero control over her little monsters. Screaming and pounding on the walls is a common occurrence, not to mention the fairly common ding dong ditching done by the 6 year old. Polite conversations about any of the above have been ignored. Now the lady won’t even answer the door. Even in the case of her van doors being open over night and her battery dying. I try to cut the lady some slack because she is a divorced mother of 4 kids, but she makes it damn hard. If they were my kids, they would be dead. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/2 "2009-03-14T22:30:20Z")
This is a change…usually around here we have it in for Christians, not heathens… ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/3 "2009-03-14T22:31:38Z")
I wish I had simple, effective answers for you, but apart from calling the cops and/or sicking an attorney on them, there isn’t a whole lot to be done (and the above remedies are far from guaranteed to do any good). You could try writing a polite and detailed letter first detailing the atrocious behavior and your determination to seek appropriate action if it does not drastically improve in short order. One of my colleagues last week related a story about the neighbor kids who decided to create a passageway through his hedge of hemlock trees (so they could ride a bike through his property). They did so, with hedge clippers. Now there’s a nice big hole in his hedge as part of their bike path. You could put up a good solid (nonclippable) fence of your own, but I’m sure you’ve already considered the monetary and other aspects of that move. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/4 "2009-03-14T23:29:53Z")
But they’re not ALL bad . . . at least they’re heathens. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/5 "2009-03-14T23:33:50Z")
> [@rwhbyu](#): > > I try to cut the lady some slack because she is a divorced mother of 4 kids, but she makes it damn hard. That’s the problem - everyone these days pities the “single mom” so much and cut her so much slack that most of their children are _this close_ to criminals. We’ve had kids ruin things in our gardens too, as well as kicking a soccer ball against the garage door and denting it. I’ve had more luck threatening the kids with bodily harm than talking to the mothers, but YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/6 "2009-03-15T00:12:49Z")
Retaliation is the only choice. And electrified fences. ---
**Author:** ![Canadiangirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Canadiangirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadiangirl)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/7 "2009-03-15T00:18:21Z")
Plant some decorative poison ivy and some herbs that truly will create a terrific rash. Sometimes revenge is good. It can be planted in and around your bulbs and flowers. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/8 "2009-03-15T00:34:37Z")
If a football [soccer] ball can dent a garage door, you need a stronger garage door. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/9 "2009-03-15T00:36:41Z")
I don’t suppose you could befriend the little hoodlums? Not that they deserve it, or that you’re obligated to, or that it would necessarily “work,” but if it did, it would be the best thing all around. It’s not their fault that their father’s a dick and their mother isn’t Mom of the Year. Maybe they need some positive influences in their lives—an adult who is actually kind to them and treats them like human beings. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/10 "2009-03-15T00:54:20Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I don’t suppose you could befriend the little hoodlums? Then push them into the oven, and roast them for dinner! HAHAHAHA! ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/11 "2009-03-15T01:07:18Z")
Since it’s a condo, you could try complaining to the condo board. I would guess they’re bothering other people also. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/12 "2009-03-15T01:15:01Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > If a football [soccer] ball can dent a garage door, you need a stronger garage door. Why? So it won’t get dented when heathens kick a ball against it over and over? ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/13 "2009-03-15T01:21:47Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Then push them into the oven, and roast them for dinner! HAHAHAHA! Cripes, I just laughed _so_ loudly at that, it’s pathetic. **rwhbyu** , have you a “Building Captain,” or something like that? Kind of an intermediary between you and the Condo Council? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/14 "2009-03-15T02:42:12Z")
> [@Canadiangirl](#): > > Plant some decorative poison ivy and some herbs that truly will create a terrific rash. Sometimes revenge is good. > > It can be planted in and around your bulbs and flowers. Ooh, chemical warfare! I like it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/15 "2009-03-15T02:58:16Z")
> [@Canadiangirl](#): > > Plant some decorative poison ivy and some herbs that truly will create a terrific rash. Sometimes revenge is good. > > It can be planted in and around your bulbs and flowers. ITT: Why few dare try to invade Canada. ---
**Author:** ![rwhbyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@rwhbyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rwhbyu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/16 "2009-03-15T03:00:34Z")
Unfortunately, the condo does have a board, but they pretty much don’t do ANYTHING. As for befriending the kids, they are kind of too young to befriend. MAYBE the oldest is old enough, but he is the worst of the bunch. I just want some nice flowers. I HAVE thought about the “chemical warfare” thing though. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/17 "2009-03-15T04:26:20Z")
What you need is those thorn bushs the locals put around the villages in Africa to keep the rhinos out. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/18 "2009-03-15T05:12:37Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > If a football [soccer] ball can dent a garage door, you need a stronger garage door. Well if you are near Portman Road, you are probably used to people kicking a ball at a goal sized target and missing by half a mile or so. If the ball actually hits, it can do damage. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/19 "2009-03-15T07:18:41Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > ITT: Why few dare try to invade Canada. “After the snow melts, the mosquitoes will drive you nuts.” ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2009, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452/20 "2009-03-15T08:36:09Z")
> [@rwhbyu](#): > > Unfortunately, the condo does have a board, but they pretty much don’t do ANYTHING. Have you tried making a complaint here? Because you’ve got destruction and damage of property, criminal mischief, littering, harassment, child neglect and malicious threats, all from one family. That’s a pretty steep bill. If they’re not willing to do anything about it, how about if _you_ run for condo board on the platform of “actually doing things.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-neighbor-heathen-children/489452.md?page=2)