# Stupid product directions/warnings **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 18, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408 "2003-07-18T15:51:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![fotosbyfrank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/54ee81/32.png) [@fotosbyfrank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fotosbyfrank)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/1 "2003-07-18T15:51:13Z")
I read the back of a packet containing a ‘moist towelette’. I found this: DIRECTIONS: 1. Open 2. Use 3. Enjoy I assume #3 is optional, though. Is it just me, or do people really need to have directions on something like this? The other thing that really gets to me are product warnings that the normal person would naturally assume would be not a proper use of the product, for example, with my new lawn mower, there was a warning “Do not use to trim hedges”. Any other Dopers have examples of obvious product directions or warnings, or even better, product warnings that **SHOULD** be included - like “Not for use as an early pregnancy test” included with a Magic 8 Ball ™??? ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/3 "2003-07-18T16:20:58Z")
Welcome, **Margin Doll** - wow, my eyes, my eyes! I saw this on a can of soup yesterday, in big bold letters: **Remove top of can before microwaving.** Could someone really be stupid enough to microwave an unopened tin can? ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/4 "2003-07-18T16:27:24Z")
just remember folks…for every stupid disclaimer/warning, there has been an incredibly stupid lawsuit. ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/5 "2003-07-18T16:29:01Z")
just remember folks…for every stupid disclaimer/warning, there is likely a technical writer who got paid to write it. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/6 "2003-07-18T17:02:41Z")
I never understood nutrition labels on bottled water. Just seemes like a waste of printers ink to me. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/7 "2003-07-18T17:04:06Z")
…and how many hamsters would die if someone included Margin Doll’s link as their sig? ---
**Author:** ![amarone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@amarone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarone)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/8 "2003-07-18T17:07:22Z")
I bought some bacon bits that came in one of those bags that looks like plastic-coated metal. It included the warning “do not eat bag”. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/9 "2003-07-18T17:19:35Z")
I once had a can of tomatoes that, on the top of the lid, said “Open with can opener”. I tried to imagine how they thought I might try to open the can had they not included those helpful instructions. I just couldn’t think of anything, though! ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/10 "2003-07-18T17:21:03Z")
On the back of a knife there was once written - “Keep out of children”. lmao ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/11 "2003-07-18T18:43:16Z")
I’ve seen this twice now on toilet paper dispensers, it says “Tear Here” How did I ever get through 30 years without knowing how to tear my TP? ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/12 "2003-07-18T19:05:41Z")
My hairdryer has a tag that says “do not operate in the tub” Like duh! ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/13 "2003-07-18T19:19:11Z")
My all time favorite is the wrappers they used to serve burritos in at Taco Bell. It included complete, ILLUSTRATED instructions on how to eat a burrito. Knew a guy who liked to go there when he was stoned and order burritos, in fact, just to read the instructions while he indulged his munchies… giggling like mad… ---
**Author:** ![3.885AM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/58956e/32.png) [@3.885AM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3.885AM)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/14 "2003-07-18T19:28:25Z")
On box containing a 10 gallon aquarium at Wal-Mart “to display, remove from carton” ---
**Author:** ![Merseybeat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@Merseybeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merseybeat)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/15 "2003-07-19T00:36:16Z")
On a microwaveable meal:- WARNING - this product will be hot after cooking. Remove plastic cover before serving. How the heck can I serve without removing the cover - and surely it should be hot? ---
**Author:** ![saramamalana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/16 "2003-07-19T21:01:38Z")
I remember hearing a comedian talk about how on a packet of peanuts it said “Warning: Contains nuts.” ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/17 "2003-07-19T22:38:52Z")
On a cylinder of propane: “WARNING: EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE. KEEP AWAY FROM HEAT OR FLAME.” Duh, we know it’s flammable. It sort of has to be to work fight. And how can I keep it way from flame; it’s for a _brazing torch_? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/18 "2003-07-20T00:35:27Z")
One of the items I’m currently selling on eBay is a sort of yoyo ball thing; the pack (annotated in finest [Engrish](http://www.engrish.com)) includes the sage advice: > [@](#): > > Never play your balls actively against people or animals ---
**Author:** ![WillGolfForFood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/82dd89/32.png) [@WillGolfForFood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillGolfForFood)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/19 "2003-07-20T00:36:58Z")
I’m sure that they’ve long since tidied up their manuals, but the manual that came with the Honda 350 that I purchased back in the early 70’s contained instructions for many simple repair/maintenance operations. Every such instance involved detailed instructions for taking things apart, followed by the phrase “to reassemble, disassemble in reverse order”. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/20 "2003-07-20T01:27:24Z")
[http://www.dumbwarnings.com/](http://www.dumbwarnings.com/) has quite a few. My favorite? From a “Swedish chainsaw”; “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or _genitals._” (Emphasis mine, not that it’s needed) :eek: I mean, good _god_…Is that sort of situation really a _problem_ in Sweden? ---
**Author:** ![SweetLucy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@SweetLucy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SweetLucy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2003, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408/21 "2003-07-20T06:52:32Z")
A car windshield shade (to keep the car a little cooler when parked) that said, “Please remove before operating vehicle.” :eek: Then again, some people drive so horribly that you couldn’t tellthe difference. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-product-directions-warnings/189408.md?page=2)