# Stupid question: What would you do in the event of a zombie apocalypse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 10, 2003, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299 "2003-05-10T07:54:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/21 "2003-05-11T00:32:09Z")
First order of business, salt. Lots of it. Zombies hate salt. I carry a packet of it in my wallet, just in case, no foolin’. When all the other survivors are killing each other over ammo and weed whackers, you can be over in the “Spices” aisle of the grocery store, stocking up for the long haul. Little helpful hint from your old Uncle **Terrifel.** ---
**Author:** ![RobbieFal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c5a1d2/32.png) [@RobbieFal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobbieFal)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/22 "2003-05-11T01:19:34Z")
What I would do… I’d get a sniper rifle and go onto a building, then I’d start picking off Zombies. Also, I’d make sure none could get me. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/23 "2003-05-11T04:33:00Z")
I’d ball up in a fetal position, rock back and forth, whimpering “Mary Had A Little Lamb,” and cry. (At least I’m honest) ---
**Author:** ![universe.zip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a9adbd/32.png) [@universe.zip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/universe.zip)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/24 "2003-05-11T15:30:39Z")
Get a [Zombie Alert](http://www.loris.net/zombie/index.html). You should be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/25 "2003-05-11T16:53:10Z")
I had all sorts of visions of _Simpsonesque_ responses to this thread before reading it. Now for some reason, the hunting scene in _Gosford Park_ comes to mind - perhaps a lingering afterspark from the scene at the end of _Night of the Living Dead_, where I and a bunch of others get our guns out and go on a big Zombie Safari. Bart: Dad, you shot zombie Flanders! Homer: Flanders was a zombie??? ---
**Author:** ![Ender\_Will](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Ender\_Will](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ender_Will)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/26 "2003-05-11T20:58:40Z")
Everyone here is being a bit vague on their weapon selection, although a few have been close. After watching Resident Evil for the Nth time, I realized what the ultimate zombie weapon is: A shotgun (sawed off, pistol grip, with an elaborate sling)…here’s where it gets good…_with a bayonet!_ How unstoppable would that be? You’ve got the best weapong for dealing with close quarters or crowds (both of which zombies seem to prefer), and if you run out of ammo, you’ve got the sword aspect covered. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/27 "2003-05-11T21:25:02Z")
Construction machinery. To stomp them _en mass_. Open the doors to the dog pound. A pack of mutts turns scavenger–_fast_! Consider houseboats. I don’t think zombies can swim. ---
**Author:** ![that\_darn\_cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/28 "2003-05-11T21:25:05Z")
**Ender\_Will** , I have to disagree. I think a bayonet would be worse than useless against a zombie. You see, the accepted method of zombie-slaying is destroying the brain. Just stabbing the corpse is going to fail and put you too close to the troublesome undead. Unless you’re incredibly accurate and can stab them in the eye. A shotgun loaded with buckshot would be brill for a ranged weapon, should take their heads apart like ripe melons. A good, heavy blade like a machete or broadsword would be excellent for severing heads in melee. But everyone is missing the best weapon… Fire A flamethrower for preference, or failing that a torch and molatov cockatials. A nice burning, twitching death… And yes, this is my 500th post. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/29 "2003-05-11T21:53:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RandMcnally \* > \*\*I’d ball up in a fetal position, rock back and forth, whimpering “Mary Had A Little Lamb,” and cry. > (At least I’m honest) \*\* No shit. I’d probably suffer a nervous break down. Hopefully it’ll be while I’m in a safe, protected place, but I’m not counting on it. I’ll be one of the people running around screaming and crying and babbling because everything I ever believed about the world just fell down around my ears and tried to suck my brains out. ---
**Author:** ![karomon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@karomon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/karomon)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/30 "2003-05-11T23:14:27Z")
I have complete faith that if ever I saw even one zombie staggerring any-which-way, I would instantly keel over and DIE of fear. No foolin. I can’t imagine it any other way. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/31 "2003-05-12T00:47:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Excellent \* > \*\*Uh, **DreathCthulhu** , wouldn’t it be more your department to command your legions of the undead to ever-greater heights of evil to fulfil your evil designs? > > Er, I mean - hail to the Old One! Hail! \*\* I prefer to use legions of Star-Spawn and Deep Ones. Sure, they smell a little fishy, but that is a lot better than decaying corpses. And they tend to be quite a bit brighter than zombies as well. ---
**Author:** ![Laurasia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@Laurasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laurasia)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/32 "2003-05-12T01:30:54Z")
I used to think about this a lot when I lived in the dorms at UC Santa Cruz (I watch horror movies a lot!!!). I thought that my dorm would have been the perfect place. I lived on the fifth floor (the top) of the building and the only ways up were two concrete stairwells with heavy doors. We had everything we needed (heat, water, food). We could lock the building up floor by floor, saving the top, with balconies and roof access to shoot them, for the humans. I guess it was because the people who hid out downstairs in Night of the Living Dead died whereas the one guy upstairs didn’t get taken by the zombies. Umm, yeah, I guess I watched Night of the Living Dead way too much… ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/33 "2003-05-12T05:20:07Z")
There’s a Stephen King short story in _Nightmares and Dreamscapes_ that deals with this scenario. He seems to think being on a small Maine island would be a good plan. Only one cemetary, and many of the graves are empty, due to fishermen drowning ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/34 "2003-05-12T05:56:01Z")
I’d get a few shotguns, a sword, and then I’d call Bruce Campbell. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/35 "2003-05-12T09:31:22Z")
Well, this all really depends on what KIND of zombie’s we’re dealing with… Romero’s zombies didn’t go for brains, specifically, although they did crave human flesh. The cause of the Romero zombies’ ressurection is murky, at best. Unlike the zombies from Return of the Living Dead, who are only resurrected because of exposure to the chemical called 2-4-5 Trioxin. Romero’s zombies, moreover, have the ability to “infect” living humans with zombieism via biting. Trioxin zombies, however, normally lack this trait. One of the weaknesses of Romero zombies, however, is their notorious simple-mindedness. Even the famous specimen [www.monstersinmotion.com/contemp/dayofdeadbub.html+%22Day+of+the+Dead%22+bub&hl=en&ie=UTF-8](http://216.239.33.104/search?q=cache:y9hfbCmstRoC:%5Burl)]“Bub”, was only able to achieve limited cognitive skills after intensive training. Compare that to [“Tar Man”](http://arcticnightfall.com/tarman/images/return1/return1-12.jpg) of RotLD, however, who was the first zombie to display _spontaneous_ tool use, not to mention speech. These are traits found in all Trioxin zombies. Plus, Romero zombies, as others have noted, can be killed by destroying their brains. (Oh, don’t look so smug. Like YOU’D be doing a lot of walking around if someone shotgunned YOUR brain) Trioxin zombies, on the other hand do NOT share this vulnerability. In fact, it seems that the bodies of Trioxin zombies retain their renanimation down to the individual cells…as one witness described it, “If you cut them into pieces, the _pieces_ will get up and go after you!” But anyway, back to what _I_ would do…I think I’d just grab some guns and supplies, hightail it up to the Sierras, find a nice isolated Cabin somewhere to hole up in for, oh, a decade or so, and catch up on my reading. Or, failing that…if there’s a possibility that the zombies can be trained, tamed, or even _reasoned_ with, I might take a shot at doing that. So that while the rest of you are running or cowering, I’d become the new KING of a vast ZOMBIE EMPIRE! No, maybe not, that sounds a little conceited…how about the PREMIER of a vast ZOMBIE COMMONWEALTH! A-HA-HA-HA! And I could use the abandoned Lincoln Memorial as a throne room, just like on the cartoons of my halcyon youth. But, on the other hand, I just hope my undead subjects wouldn’t clamor for me to choose a Zombie Queen, or even Zombie Concubines. I mean, it would be bad enough with me being borderline asexual…_shudder_ But hey, I’m no bigot. Maybe I’d be able to find a nice nerd Zombie Girl, settle down, have 2.5 little werewolves…you know, the “Transylvanian Dream.” ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/36 "2003-05-12T12:12:51Z")
Thank Og for this thread. I like to think of my self as a highly educated, intelligent young man with a good head on his shoulders. But for some reason I have this irrational fear of zombie infestations and I play out scenarios in head of what I would do if such a thing were to come to pass. Glad to see I’m not the only one. As for my weapon of choice? I guess a nice sawed off would do. I like the flame thrower idea but I think that it would be to heavy for a hasty retreat and there is to much that can go wrong with all that combustible fuel strapped to your back. One stray bullet and you’re done for. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/37 "2003-05-12T12:22:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*I prefer to use legions of Star-Spawn and Deep Ones. Sure, they smell a little fishy, but that is a lot better than decaying corpses. And they tend to be quite a bit brighter than zombies as well. \*\* Do you think an Elder Sign works against Zombie? If so, I will be craving one out from styrofoam (light, potable, cheap and virtually little effect!) ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/38 "2003-05-12T12:38:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manduck \* > \*\*I would stumble around in a daze, looking for brains to eat. Might as well join the winning team, boys. > > **BRAINSSS!** \*\* This is a great idea! Although I suspect I won’t like brains… I don’t suppose I could stumble about screaming “Hot WINGS!” ? ---
**Author:** ![Opengrave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/919ad9/32.png) [@Opengrave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opengrave)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/39 "2003-05-12T13:17:17Z")
Play all of my **Misfits** CDs really loud and join the fun! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299/40 "2003-05-12T13:55:26Z")
## quote: Originally posted by Manduck I would stumble around in a daze, looking for brains to eat. Might as well join the winning team, boys. ## BRAINSSS! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Blackclaw \* > \*\*This is a great idea! > > Although I suspect I won’t like brains… I don’t suppose I could stumble about screaming “Hot WINGS!” ? \*\* Then you wouldn’t be a Zombie, you’d be a Frat Rat/Sorority Fluff. Especially if Rum & Coke is involved. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-question-what-would-you-do-in-the-event-of-a-zombie-apocalypse/174299.md?page=3)