I always lampshade that one by saying “Never make an assumption. It makes an ass out of u and mption.”
Hope is really stupid. I hope this politician didn’t fool me again. Yes he did.
Dear god do I hate that response. 
And maybe not what the op is asking but the next co-worker who says “happy monday” in a non sarcastic manner is getting their happy Monday shoved so far up a certain place that they will be shitting it out for weeks.
I prefer “we are who we are” to “it is what it is” because the former is a Kesha song.
I like how you tip-toed around the word ‘ass’ and then cold-cocked me with ‘shitting.’
My Mom used to say this when I was little and I never understood it. I was ALREADY crying, obviously I HAD something to cry about, what the hell? 
My biggest pet peeve is “Let’s touch base.”
Also: “It’s a means to an end.”
I love you and want to bear your children 
Any phrase that includes “low-hanging fruit,” unless one is working in an orchard.
Had a co-worker who used that one so much I was ready to grab his low-hanging fruits and stuff 'em down his throat.
Not to mention that the people who say this almost never actually ask for forgiveness. They hide what they did, hope no one notices, and throw someone else under the bus if it does get noticed.
What’s worse than many of these quotations is when someone says one slightly wrong. Sometimes amusing, sometimes irritating.
I used to know someone who said “Let’s touch the base.”
I’m guilty of this one. Though, it’s usually when talking to people who tell me “Everything happens for a reason” or when talking to people who seem to think every good/bad thing that happens is karma and it couldn’t possibly be that good/bad things just happen, without any consideration to what type of person you are.
“No matter what happens, don’t forget God loves you.”
“What happens in xxx stays in xxx.”
I don’t know if Vegas was the first to use it (and I don’t really care). But at least as an advertising slogan for “Sin City”, it made some sense.
But now that phrase is being overused for places and things and events for which it’s just stupid and meaningless.
“That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”
Bullshit. Sometimes it does, sometimes it has no effect whatsoever, and sometimes it cripples you.
I’m having an ongoing … discussion with a couple of people on this phrase and I’m at the point of showing them articles about the 95 year old who’s been stabbed by a burglar (“what’s he training for? Do you think he’s grateful for the experience?”) and asking why they don’t regularly beat their kids (they don’t) since it would be so very beneficial.
(responding to, “There’s no I in team.”)
Wow, Eve’s on fire in this thread! The comeback for that particular cliche that I’ve heard is, “There’s one in win.” But Eve makes the point much more effectively.
There was a Mad Magazine feature many many years ago called “Cliche Killers”. The only one I can remember is:
“This team is great on paper!”
“Too bad they suck on grass! (or ice, hardwood, etc.)”
I wish I could remember more of those.
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It goes without saying that . . . . the speaker is going to say it anyway.
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*The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. *
Not sure why I hate that so much. First, I guess, because it’s not the definition of insanity. Also, the person saying it is obviously neither a quantum physicist nor someone who works with computers for a living. Sometimes I have to tell the computer to do something many times before it figures out that I mean it.
- Winners never quit, and quitters never win.
Wait, I thought the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
“it’s all good.”
Um, no. It’s not.
“keepin it real”
As opposed to what?
I know from hearing stories of my girlfriend’s childhood that it starts working after your parents really beat the crap out of you a few times.
What I hate is being called bro. Or worse: “bra.”
I pretty much hate all God-related phrases. Not because of my beliefs, but because some tend to use it all the damn time and it gets really old.
Things people say to me in my role as a Carer
“That’s a very rewarding thing you’re doing” How so? It’s not financially rewarding, and there’s a damn good chance my mother has a Will written that disinherits me, which will leave me homeless and penniless (I like to look on the bright side!)
Day to day care of my mother is boring. She needs constant company and supervision 24/7. I am tied to her and the house. I have no life whatsoever aside from my internet surfing. And that’s subject to flaming and ridicule.
“God thinks you’re a very special person to give you this life” I’m so special God gave me a mother who hates me and a father who was meh about it, two brothers who were taught to dislike me (think of Meg Griffin and you’re about halfway there). I would have thought if God wanted to make me feel special I’d win the Lotto, or something.
If I say anything negative about being a Carer I am told “you’ll be old yourself one day”, well I shall be sure and turn into a raging bitch when I turn 60 then! Hey I’m old, I’m allowed to be obnoxious!!
:rolleyes:
A frequently used phrase when there’s a clear cut case of bullying is for the victim to “get a sense of humour”, or “grow a spine”, “Man up”, or similar flippant statement that blames the victim for the bully’s behaviour.
:mad:
“*No offence, but … *” is always followed by something really offensive.
“With all due respect”, accompanies a disrespectful statement.
“*Not trying to be funny … *” maybe not, but I know you’re going to be breathtakingly rude.
“Get a life!”, yuh whut? I totally don’t understand that at all… am I supposed to commit identity theft?
“There’s someone out there for you”, or “If you stop looking, love will find you”, in regards to my being single.