# Stupid Republican idea of the day **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 26, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897 "2009-03-26T18:48:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1425
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28482 "2016-04-13T18:33:12Z")
[As Texas Solicitor General, Ted Cruz argued in court that there is no right to masturbate.](http://americablog.com/2016/04/tx-solicitor-general-ted-cruz-argued-right-masturbate.html) [His college roommate said, “This would be a new belief of his.”](http://occupydemocrats.com/2016/04/13/cruz-said-americans-dont-right-masturbate-college-roommates-response-perfect/) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28483 "2016-04-13T20:38:26Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > As a Texas solicitor general in 2004, he argued that Americans have no right to sell sex toys or even have the right to masturbate at all. :mad: You’ll have to pry my cold, dead fingers off . . . oh, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28484 "2016-04-13T20:38:40Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > As a Texas solicitor general in 2004, he argued that Americans have no right to sell sex toys or even have the right to masturbate at all. “There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship” he argued in defense of a state ban on dildos. > > This zombie factoid was resurrected today with a [tweet from his college roommate](http://occupydemocrats.com/2016/04/13/cruz-said-americans-dont-right-masturbate-college-roommates-response-perfect/): I hate to be fair to Ted Cruz, but is it possible that he was simply doing his job? That is, if that was the law in Texas, and it was as his job as Texas SG to zealously defend that law in a adversarial court situation, then it would not have been ethical for him to argue otherwise. Or is that not how it works? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28485 "2016-04-13T20:42:57Z")
Surely he could have gone after dildos without attacking masturbation! ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28486 "2016-04-13T20:43:21Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I hate to be fair to Ted Cruz, but is it possible that he was simply doing his job? That is, if that was the law in Texas, and it was as his job as Texas SG to zealously defend that law in a adversarial court situation, then it would not have been ethical for him to argue otherwise. > > Or is that not how it works? Zealously, not stupidly. If the one of the arguments for your side sounds ridiculous, don’t bring it up until you’ve massaged it 😛 to sound non-ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28487 "2016-04-13T20:50:46Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I hate to be fair to Ted Cruz, but is it possible that he was simply doing his job? That is, if that was the law in Texas, and it was as his job as Texas SG to zealously defend that law in a adversarial court situation, then it would not have been ethical for him to argue otherwise. > > Or is that not how it works? Brown did refuse to defend Prop 8. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28488 "2016-04-13T20:52:53Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I hate to be fair to Ted Cruz, but is it possible that he was simply doing his job? That is, if that was the law in Texas, and it was as his job as Texas SG to zealously defend that law in a adversarial court situation, then it would not have been ethical for him to argue otherwise. > > Or is that not how it works? The Attorney General of North Carolina is refusing to go to court in defense of the state’s bathroom law. ---
**Author:** ![Iamnotivan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Iamnotivan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iamnotivan)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28489 "2016-04-13T21:08:42Z")
A must-read book. Primarily about the cult of oligarchs dominated by the Koch Bros. who seek to spread their own success through theft, intimidation, serial lies, cheating every one and thing over a lifetime. The reason I post this today is that one of the candidates they hate most is Trump. The favourite fallback candidate of the oligarchs was Paul Ryan. Kasich spoke to them at a closed meeting and he was mostly in harmony with their goofy goals. But when he fielded a question about welfare and poverty, he said that upon arriving at the pearly gates he wanted to be recognized for having been considerate to the poor and needy. The door for him slammed shut with that one heretical statement. It is painful to say, but Trump is the best of a powerfully stinky and dangerous lot, and hopefully some democrat can soundly defeat him. But that will not even slow down the aspirations and efforts of the Oligarchs to spread evil across the land and attack the constitution and all democratic institutions. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28490 "2016-04-13T21:10:09Z")
Ah yes, ‘no right to masturbation’. There’s no ‘right’ to breathe spelled out either, but the Constitution was never a list of everything you have a ‘right’ to do. And these are the people who claim they’re for “Freedom” and “small government”. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28491 "2016-04-13T21:59:35Z")
if there ain’t any right to masturbation, then there ain’t any rights at all. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28492 "2016-04-13T22:05:22Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Surely he could have gone after dildos without attacking masturbation! **Boyo**! So close! “Shirley, he could have gone after dildos without attacking masturbation like a motherfuck!” Edit window still up? ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28493 "2016-04-13T23:02:33Z")
> [@Iamnotivan](#): > > A must-read book. Primarily about the cult of oligarchs dominated by the Koch Bros. who seek to spread their own success through theft, intimidation, serial lies, cheating every one and thing over a lifetime. But the Koch brothers could be worse. Read about their relative [Ilse Koch](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilse_Koch) (the “Beast of Buchenwald”). And a lot of their money came from their daddy building plants to supply Nazi Germany with fuel. Or maybe not ‘worse’, she was just more direct & personal in harming people. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28494 "2016-04-13T23:10:19Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > if there ain’t any right to masturbation, then there ain’t any rights at all. Y’see, that’s where the .45 ACP semiautomatic dildo/pistol would have been a million-selling idea, enabling the ladies to deal with their loneliness AND be protected ny the Second Amendment while at it. Alas, safety regulation and liability issues killed it, even the NRA lawyers came out against it… some thing or another about not pointing it at what you don’t want to destroy. (But yeah, if private masturbation does not come under the heading of “other rights retained by the people” that don’t cease to exist merely because it’s not listed in writing, I don’t know what would…) ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28495 "2016-04-13T23:36:21Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Bryan Adams has now similarly canceled his Mississippi concert over the religious law there. My Tea Party S-I-L went on a long Facebook rant about how these rich performers can “pressure the public to have things their way”, wrapping up with “Music should not be withheld for political agendas”. Did she want to go so she could shout a request for “Summer of 69?” Because I hear he doesn’t go apeshit anymore, removing the only reason to attend a Bryan Adams concert. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28496 "2016-04-13T23:53:16Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > [As Texas Solicitor General, Ted Cruz argued in court that there is no right to masturbate.](http://americablog.com/2016/04/tx-solicitor-general-ted-cruz-argued-right-masturbate.html) If Texas were serious about a ban on dildos, the population would be reduced by at least half. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28497 "2016-04-14T00:05:29Z")
I wonder when Trump will go public about Cruz’s wife’s dildo? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28498 "2016-04-14T00:08:02Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > [As Texas Solicitor General, Ted Cruz argued in court that there is no right to masturbate.](http://americablog.com/2016/04/tx-solicitor-general-ted-cruz-argued-right-masturbate.html) Well at least the republicans are consistent, what with there not being a right to urinate in NC. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28499 "2016-04-14T00:18:54Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > The TN legislature is in the midst of passing the “TN Bathroom Bill” which would require all students in the state to use the bathroom of the sex listed on their birth certificate. To protect our wives and daughters, see. (Note that TN is one of the few - only? - state that does not permit post-operative trangender folks to change their birth certificate). > > \ So how come they’re never worried about protecting their sons and husbands from the M-to-F transgenders, huh? It’s discrimination, I tell you! ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28500 "2016-04-14T00:26:56Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > I wonder when Trump will go public about Cruz’s wife’s dildo? “I hope it isn’t true, but I’ve heard things, and I’m just saying, it should be settled before the convention.” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897/28501 "2016-04-14T00:36:54Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > I wonder when Trump will go public about Cruz’s wife’s dildo? And you know she needs one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897.md?page=1424) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-republican-idea-of-the-day/490897.md?page=1426)