# Stupid restaurant tricks **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 16, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259 "2014-04-16T14:43:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/41 "2014-04-16T21:32:39Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > . . . going to McDonald’s and insisting you get a Whopper. I did that once. Not deliberately, just a brain fart. (Well, actually, I asked for a Jumbo Jack.) The cashier, very politely, said, “We’re the other place.” I blushed scarlet, and asked for a Big Mac. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/42 "2014-04-16T21:36:01Z")
Does [Prehistoric Creatures Day](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9205430&postcount=75) count as a Stupid Restaurant Trick? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/43 "2014-04-16T21:39:46Z")
> [@Cartoonacy](#): > > [Venus explains the atom.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhbqIJZ8wCMhttp://) Nice cite. We aims to please. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/44 "2014-04-16T21:52:17Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > The Subway Meatball Marinara is stuffed with a row of whole meatballs the length of the sandwich. They also have a “double meat for $1.50” option listed on their menu board…which certainly would be a tough to accomplish with this particular sandwich. > > > [@Jackmannii](#): > > > > I am heavily tempted to try this, but only when the really friendly prep person is on duty. Been there, done that. My first real job was at a Subway, and it’s not all that hard to make (although I’m vaguely remembering that you don’t actually put twice as many meatballs on - it’s slightly fewer). You just hollow out a little more of the bread and slop those suckers on. It’s really a whole lot harder to eat than it is to make. (Of course, I’m hundreds of years old now and that was many, many ages ago. God knows what the standard is at Subway nowadays.) As for stupid restaurant tricks, as long as the tip is commensurate with the trick, it’s all good! ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/45 "2014-04-16T22:07:23Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > Waiter / automaton That actually never occurred to me. I’ve just assumed the Greek “-tron” suffix like in Robotron, Megatron, Mellotron, electron, neutron, um, “Tron”… ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/46 "2014-04-16T22:22:50Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I don’t think it is a portmanteau - what words is it collapsed from? - but I get your drift. I thought it was a portmanteau of “waiter” and “moron”…but I’m a big fan of [Chef!](http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/chef/) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/47 "2014-04-16T22:29:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > That’s what the spoon is for. Then what is the string for? There’s a reason nobody tells that joke. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/48 "2014-04-16T22:43:23Z")
Order your meal by number, when they don’t have numbers. Address your waiter/tress by the wrong name. Use a different name each time. Ask if they du jour soup today. Ask if you can substitute another steak for the baked potato. Ask for your chicken rare. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/49 "2014-04-16T22:51:28Z")
Cut the zipper out of an old pair of jeans. Bring it in with you and, when no one is looking, slip it into your soup. Then, loudly complain, “Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!” ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/50 "2014-04-16T22:51:37Z")
When the host/hostess/hostron asks, “Are you together?”, say, “He is, but I’m not.” ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/51 "2014-04-16T22:58:37Z")
> [@Tierce](#): > > Go to McDonald’s and order a cheeseburger with no cheese. “You mean a hamburger?” “No, a cheeseburger with no cheese. I like the yellow wrapper.” I am so gonna do this! ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/52 "2014-04-16T22:59:57Z")
For all the possible amusement here, I still think it’s a bad idea to troll people who have access to your food out of your sight. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/53 "2014-04-16T23:14:17Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > For all the possible amusement here, I still think it’s a bad idea to troll people who have access to your food out of your sight. Concur with bells on. Also, reading [this blog](http://notalwaysright.com/) for a little while will make you never ever want to do anything but brighten someone’s day again. I do not recommend mixing it with [this blog](http://notalwaysworking.com/), though. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/54 "2014-04-16T23:36:18Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I was ordering food for a function at church. They were tired of the usual hot dish, so I went by myself to Taco Bell to get the meal. > > I said to the person behind the counter, “I will have fifty soft tacos, fifty hard tacos, fifty bean burritos, ten Macho Grande combos, and twenty plates of nachos.” > > The person behind the counter said, “Is that for here, or to go?” > > Regards, > Shodan Hah! That reminded me of something that always makes me wonder a bit in restaurants - my plate is completely cleaned off, there is no food left anywhere in sight, and the waitperson asks me, “Are you done?” No, I planned to start nibbling on the plate? (I know they ask this as a form of, “Is it okay to clear your plate now?”, but it always strikes me funny.) > [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > For all the possible amusement here, I still think it’s a bad idea to troll people who have access to your food out of your sight. Very agreed. I think these things are funny to talk about here, but I wouldn’t try any of them on real life waitstaff, mostly because any “funny” thing I could think up, a thousand people have said before, and the waitperson is just plain tired of it. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/55 "2014-04-16T23:36:27Z")
> [@Jeff\_Lichtman](#): > > When the host/hostess/hostron asks, “Are you together?”, say, “He is, but I’m not.” When I was working the theaters, it was common for people to crowd the concession stand and tried to get ahead of each other. I would often ease the mayhem by asking questions like “Is he part of your group?” One evening a young lady stepped up and ordered a popcorn and a drink and the guy behind her was kind-of leaning in close, so I asked, “Are you two together?” The guy immediately put his arm around her shoulder and said, “Yes. Yes we are.” I provided the food and drink, she paid, and I looked to the next couple and prompted, “Next in line, please.” “Hey!” the guy growled, “You forgot about me.” “Well,” I apologized, “I thought you said you two were together.” “Oh–uh…” “He thought you were trying to move in on me.” the girl explained with a grin. “Wow!” I stared at the guy, “A little possessive there?”:dubious: —G! “Hey, would you like to see a movie with me? I can take a really long break…”😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cyros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/56 "2014-04-16T23:43:57Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > 1. McDonalds advertises a breakfast sandwich with an “eggwhite only” option. > 2. The Subway Meatball Marinara is stuffed with a row of whole meatballs the length of the sandwich. They also have a “double meat for $1.50” option listed on their menu board…which certainly would be a tough to accomplish with this particular sandwich. In a different century I worked at Subway. Not sure about the regular cut sandwiches but with the U-gouge cut it was easy to put 16 meatballs in the sandwich. Not so easy to eat. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/57 "2014-04-17T01:00:57Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > Order non-alcoholic drinks “on the rocks” if you want ice in it. I ordered orange juice on the rocks one time at some place like IHOP or Dennys and the waitress was totally perplexed. My former boss would order milk with ice in restaurants. She’d have to convince the waitress that she was serious, she really did want milk with ice. The waitress would usually give her a look like 😕, and about half the time she’d get one glass of milk and one glass with ice cubes in it. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/58 "2014-04-17T01:16:15Z")
This joke gets a lot of play in Nevada, California; not sure about elsewhere. Give the host the name of your party as Donner. When the host calls “Donner, party of 4,” you show up and say, “We’re just three now.” ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/59 "2014-04-17T04:28:25Z")
When eating alone, tell the server you want separate checks ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/60 "2014-04-17T04:50:19Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > For all the possible amusement here, I still think it’s a bad idea to troll people who have access to your food out of your sight. This. Also, they work hard and they don’t get paid much. Don’t give them a hard time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259.md?page=4)