# Stupid restaurant tricks **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 16, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259 "2014-04-16T14:43:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![fighting\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ac8455/32.png) [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/81 "2014-04-19T16:36:25Z")
Very confidently ask for a “Large Coke, no cup.” ---
**Author:** ![Marion\_Wormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/82 "2014-04-20T02:12:42Z")
You can order a vegetarian burger at Burger King. There are two versions. One has a vege burger instead of the meat patty. The other is just a no meat burger (pretty good actually). It’s a toss up which one you get as the second doesn’t seem to be on the register, but it’s available. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/83 "2014-04-20T09:46:44Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > This joke gets a lot of play in Nevada, California; not sure about elsewhere. > Give the host the name of your party as Donner. When the host calls “Donner, party of 4,” you show up and say, “We’re just three now.” OMG. I just realized what a Doner Kebab is … ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/84 "2014-04-20T10:27:18Z")
The Chinese place I go to. I would LOVE to be able to tell them: “Just give me some beef in brown sauce and throw it over some fried rice.” But for some reason, they don’t understand that. So instead, I have to go all Five Easy Pieces on their ass and say “Yes, I would like the pepper steak. No onions, No bell pepper.! $2 extra beef with fried rice please.” \*I do love me some bell pepper and onions, just no in my Chinese food for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/85 "2014-04-20T10:54:57Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > What would be weirder (and more amusing, in my opinion) is going to McDonald’s and insisting you get a Whopper. The first time I ever smoked pot, back in the 60s, I went to McDonald’s and ordered a “ham jelly.” It took several minutes of questions and explanations before I got a plain hamburger. I wasn’t at all trying to be funny; I thought that’s what they were called. Then I sat down to eat it, thinking I was naked. ---
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/86 "2014-04-21T17:26:34Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I was ordering food for a function at church. They were tired of the usual hot dish, so I went by myself to Taco Bell to get the meal. > > I said to the person behind the counter, “I will have fifty soft tacos, fifty hard tacos, fifty bean burritos, ten Macho Grande combos, and twenty plates of nachos.” > > The person behind the counter said, “Is that for here, or to go?” > > Regards, > Shodan Happens to me regularly, since my wife and daughter often send me out to pick stuff up, but prefer to eat at home. I have occasionally succumbed to the temptation and responded with a snappy answer along the lines of “No, I’m going to eat three full-size meals right here; what time do you close?” (at lunchtime). :smack: But yours definately tops that. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2014, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/87 "2014-04-21T18:08:40Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > FWIW, it was a _Silver Streak_ shout out. 🙂 Must be a generational thing; I thought of Popeye. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2014, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/88 "2014-04-21T19:49:12Z")
I actually know a woman who does this, and everyone at the restaurant hates her. She asks for “extra” everything, “but not so much that you charge me for it.” Like, just a _little_ more whip cream and strawberries on strawberry pancakes than they give everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![andrewm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c57346/32.png) [@andrewm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewm)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/89 "2014-04-21T21:43:54Z")
> [@fighting\_ignorant](#): > > Very confidently ask for a “Large Coke, no cup.” You joke, but in some parts of the world to-go drinks actually come in bags with straws. ---
**Author:** ![dmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatt)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/90 "2014-04-22T14:49:21Z")
Host: “Do you have reservations?” Me: “Yes, but we came anyway”. It just never gets old, except for the host/hostess who hears it 10 times a night. BTW - back when I was in the biz, everyone was called “foodservers”. ---
**Author:** ![dmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatt)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/91 "2014-04-22T15:15:21Z")
I recall another that I saw on a numismatist board. One of the posters would go into McDonalds and order a meal, which cost a little under $3.50. He would pay with a 2.00 bill, a SBA dollar, and a .50 piece. The cashier would always be dumbfounded as to what the hell to do with them, as most coin trays aren’t set up for them. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/92 "2014-04-22T15:59:58Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Like, just a _little_ more whip cream and strawberries on strawberry pancakes than they give everyone else. That reminds me of the time I went to lunch with a friend to this Japanese place. He ordered his food first, then I said “I’d like the same, but could you make mine a little bit better than his”. The lady who takes the orders still remembers us for that. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/93 "2014-04-22T17:34:31Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > This joke gets a lot of play in Nevada, California; not sure about elsewhere. > Give the host the name of your party as Donner. When the host calls “Donner, party of 4,” you show up and say, “We’re just three now.” You kinda didn’t follow up with the logical conclusion: “and we’ve already eaten, so I guess we’ll just have dessert.” ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/94 "2014-04-22T17:45:28Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > You kinda didn’t follow up with the logical conclusion: “and we’ve already eaten, so I guess we’ll just have dessert.” LOL. Hey, I’ve always thought it should be spell “gno.” ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/95 "2014-04-24T23:56:40Z")
> [@Cartoonacy](#): > > [Venus explains the atom.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhbqIJZ8wCMhttp://) Nice cite. Months, hell. I still remember that sketch and it’s been decades. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/96 "2014-04-25T00:48:57Z")
If the restaurant has a chalk or dry-erase sign near the entrance reading “Please seat yourself”, remove the second and third S so it says “Please eat your elf” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2014, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/97 "2014-04-25T02:02:51Z")
When encountering the modern version of “Can I get you anything else” (i.e. the loathsome question “How does the food _taste_?”), I have to this point resisted the temptation to reply: “Too much fucking cilantro.” ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2014, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259/98 "2014-04-27T11:38:58Z")
I play a game when I go to a restaurant (fast food or otherwise), it’s called … “Using manners”! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-restaurant-tricks/686259.md?page=4)