Then when they bring it exactly the way you ordered it, take one bite then send it back.
I don’t think it is a portmanteau - what words is it collapsed from? - but I get your drift.
Unfortunately, I don’t think much of “waitstaff,” “waitperson” or “server,” either, and we’re past such pointlessly gender-differentiated terms as “waiter/waitress.”
How about foodbot? Checkster? We could call them by their “real” job name, but then we’re back to the gender issue with “actor/actress.”
- McDonalds advertises a breakfast sandwich with an “eggwhite only” option.
- The Subway Meatball Marinara is stuffed with a row of whole meatballs the length of the sandwich. They also have a “double meat for $1.50” option listed on their menu board…which certainly would be a tough to accomplish with this particular sandwich.
Go to PetSmart dressed as Spiderman, and ask to see the spiders.
“How would you like your eggs?” “Medium rare.”
Thanks 
Order non-alcoholic drinks “on the rocks” if you want ice in it. I ordered orange juice on the rocks one time at some place like IHOP or Dennys and the waitress was totally perplexed.
Go to some place you’ve never been before and ask for “That special item the chef made me before. He’ll know what it is.”
One possible etymology is waiter+patron = waitron. Another suggestion is that it’s the first half of “waiter/waitress” with the -tron ending suggesting the robotic nature of the work. I only use the word playfully, as it does feel robotic to me. I just say “server” if I want to be gender-neutral. It doesn’t have an artificial quality to it like “waitron” does, and it’s a common word.
Just use waiter as a non-gendered word. Regardless of gender they’re waiters. Regardless of gender they’re actors (I never refer to a woman actor as an actress unless her gender is vital to the usage). Somehow everybody seems to accept it for actor and we don’t end up with actrons.
When they ask how you want your steak cooked, tell them “extra medium please”
Brian Haley had a bit where you palm a ketchup packet then stab yourself in the eye in front of the server. Then while you’re being escorted out, ask for a job application.
I once tried to order a Big Mac at a Taco Bell drive through but my buddy was working there so he and his coworkers thought it was very funny. The next day he told me that someone else drove up after I did and tried to order a Whopper because she thought it was the McDonalds next door.
I strive to use “actor” as the gender-neutral word everywhere possible (you can’t when discussing awards, for example).
However, the discussion here seems to have turned very humorless alla sudden. “Waitron” is funny. No deeper significance…
“Waitron” is good.
“Waitron 3000” is better.
Waiter / automaton
Duh. Okay, but it’s still meant as a funny.
I am heavily tempted to try this, but only when the really friendly prep person is on duty.
Tron is Greek for dude. Cite: Venus Flytrap.
For Frith’s sake, just call them “waits.” 
Venus explains the atom. Nice cite.