# Stupid stuff I thought when I was a kid **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 14, 2021, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317 "2021-11-14T03:12:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2021, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/106 "2021-11-16T06:39:03Z")
My father worked for a large print and engraving company in Philadelphia. One of his job titles was “stripper” (stripping film negatives in pre-press). As a kid, I used to innocently tell my classmates and teacher, _“my dad’s a stripper.”_ I didn’t understand the odd looks I got as a result. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2021, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/107 "2021-11-16T16:12:42Z")
Hey, I did that too, for a couple of years. It was fun telling people that I worked as a stripper. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2021, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/108 "2021-11-16T16:23:18Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Are you sure she wasn’t describing dogs? They actually do get stuck – it’s called the copulatory tie. I doubt it’s a miserable experience for the dogs, though. No. Well, she said that happened to dogs, but she made it clear – long before they tried to breed their Rottweiler – that happened with human copulation as well. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2021, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/109 "2021-11-16T16:29:00Z")
> [@SurrenderDorothy](#): > > when I was very young and learned what the word “virgin” meant, I had a really hard time with it. I can actually pinpoint the exact date I learned what “virgin” meant: January 14, 1994. I was 12. I learned it from watching an episode of _Family Matters_ and if IMDB is to be believed the episode in question aired on that date. ---
**Author:** ![MrAtoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MrAtoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAtoz)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2021, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/110 "2021-11-16T20:51:58Z")
I can’t vouch for the accuracy of this story, but the wife of a friend of mine likes to tell about how when she was young, she got the idea that “virgin” meant something like “killjoy” or “stick-in-the-mud”–basically someone who never wants to do anything fun. Which led to her once shouting, in a crowded school cafeteria, “I am NOT a virgin!” ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2021, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/111 "2021-11-16T20:57:24Z")
I recall in fifth grade or so, I was also confused about sex. The mechanics of it. For some reason I thought the vagina was at at a 90 degree angle (you’d put the penis straight in) but my penis when erect was more upward. I wasn’t clear at all about how I’d ever be able to insert it into a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2021, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/112 "2021-11-16T21:55:17Z")
Reminded me of a sci-fi novel I read years ago: [Rakehells of Heaven](https://vintage45.wordpress.com/2015/04/14/the-rakehells-of-heaven-john-boyd-1969/), where the configuration of the alien (but potentially human template) and human sex organs is a very minor plot point. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/114 "2021-11-30T06:43:43Z")
When I was little, my family always had margarine on the table (butter was strictly at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter feasts). And the boxes that the margarine came in always bore the rubric “color added.” So, naturally, I would always peek inside the box to see if _this_ time, we’d get an interesting color, like red, or green, or blue. But nope, it was always boring old yellow. It prepared me for the life of disappointment that I endure today, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/115 "2021-11-30T14:32:34Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > > [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > > > Babies were in the mommy’s belly, there’s a hole in the mommy’s belly, therefore, babies came out the hole in the mommy’s belly. QED. > > I don’t remember this personally, but my mom told me once that when I was a tot I thought they got the baby out by reaching down her throat and pulling it out. Because it’s in her tummy, right? Is that why I was called **You little puke** so much? 😄 ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/116 "2021-11-30T15:32:23Z")
I thought foreign languages were like a code, and operated exactly like English, but you just had to know the code to translate. ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/117 "2021-11-30T16:31:22Z")
> [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](#): > > I thought “Princess Di” was a stage name for some singer or actress. I have two. My first comes after you jogged my memory with a word sounding like “die.” (1) Was in preschool. In the evening, mom came to pick me up, and stayed, because there was an Easter egg-coloring event. They served coffee (and maybe snacks). The egg dye was also in styrofoam cups. Mom accidentally sipped some dye instead of her nearby coffee, and laughed about it. I, being a 4 year old, was afraid it would make her die. (2) “No Minors.” When I was 8, I took a family trip up the Pacific coast into BC, where we boarded a car ferry that took us all the way to Skagway, AK. Among the various stops included at least one ghost town with (old) mines nearby, or so I heard. Aboard the vessel, at one point, I walked through a small bar on the way to the dining area. There was a small sign saying “No Minors” and I wondered why they’d be discriminating against miners. I could imagine that they’d be very thirsty… ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/118 "2021-11-30T16:34:44Z")
> [@Limmin](#): > > (2) “No Minors.” When I was 8, I took a family trip up the Pacific coast into BC, where we boarded a car ferry that took us all the way to Skagway, AK. Among the various stops included at least one ghost town with (old) mines nearby, or so I heard. Aboard the vessel, at one point, I walked through a small bar on the way to the dining area. There was a small sign saying “No Minors” and I wondered why they’d be discriminating against miners. I could imagine that they’d be very thirsty… I had that exact same conversation with my mother when I was about 7 years old, and we were at the local bowling alley. There was a “No Minors” sign above the doorway to the alley’s bar, and I, too, didn’t understand why they would not allow miners. 😃 (Not that there were a large number of miners in the western suburbs of Chicago, mind you…) ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/119 "2021-11-30T17:12:29Z")
> [@solost](#): > > intersections, then going, of their own volition, then the light would turn red or green as a result of the cars stopping or going. It was a real problem when I started driving! Ha, no I was 4 or 5 when I asked my mom while she was driving “how does the light know to turn green when we start to go?” I used to think demented leprechauns worked the lights from their lairs in the sewers under the intersection. Only explanation I could come up with for the hopelessly inefficient traffic cycles that I witnessed. 50 years on and at least in NE Florida they are still doing their diabolical worst. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/120 "2021-11-30T17:16:27Z")
I used to think “prevent” meant the opposite of what it actually means. I am pretty sure my older brother and sister gave me that idea but they deny it to this day. So, I was really confused when Smokey the Bear would come on TV and tell me that, “Only YOU can prevent forest fires!” I think it wasn’t until 8th grade that I got that straightened out in my head. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/121 "2021-11-30T17:38:31Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > I hate when a throw-a-way one-liner derails an entire thread. > > Oh, wait. I mean I Love it! 😃 Shall we discuss how Bobby Hill looks nothing like Hank Hill but does look a lot like Bill Dauterive? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2021, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/122 "2021-11-30T17:41:52Z")
When I was young I thought all Canadians spoke French. In my defense, I grew up near Quebec and all of the Canadians I encountered spoke French. And I figured it made historical sense. I knew Europeans had colonized North America. So I figured the United States was where the English people settled, Canada was where the French people settled, and Mexico was where the Spanish people settled. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2021, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/123 "2021-12-01T17:31:45Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > I had that exact same conversation with my mother when I was about 7 years old, and we were at the local bowling alley. There was a “No Minors” sign above the doorway to the alley’s bar Me three when my parents took me to the local horse race track and I saw the sign by the betting windows. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2021, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/124 "2021-12-02T01:00:36Z")
Near my childhood home was a fairly narrow stretch of water called Middle Harbour. On two opposite headlands were large concrete buildings which both bore the sign “WARNING: SUBMARINE CABLE!” (presumably a major power cable crossed under the water at that point). Somehow in my mind I confused CABLE with CARGO, and I was always hoping to see the cargo submarines pull up there to load and unload. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2021, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/125 "2021-12-02T10:24:03Z")
When I was 7, my friend and I used to sneak onto wooded, private property down the street to fish in the creek. The sign at the entrance always scared us, however. It read, _Trespassers will be Prosecuted._ My friend was a bit naive. I had to explain to him that “prosecute” was just another word meaning “electrocute.” Sure, being sentenced to fry on Old Sparky for walking on the grass seemed a bit extreme, but there you have it. ---
**Author:** ![mtnmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@mtnmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtnmatt)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2021, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317/126 "2021-12-03T00:51:50Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > > [@kenobi\_65](#): > > > > I had that exact same conversation with my mother when I was about 7 years old, and we were at the local bowling alley. There was a “No Minors” sign above the doorway to the alley’s bar > > Me three when my parents took me to the local horse race track and I saw the sign by the betting windows. I was about 5 when one day I walked over to my friend’s house, and above his doorbell was a sign that said No Solicitors, but all I could read was the NO, so I walked home without ringing the bell. The other one I thought of when I saw this thread was that my brother and I believed that poop was stored in the buttocks until it was ready to come out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stuff-i-thought-when-i-was-a-kid/954317.md?page=7)