# Stupid, stupid bitch with no care for the kid in your car. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 17, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878 "2004-03-17T18:01:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878/41 "2004-03-28T17:07:29Z")
> [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](#): > > As a parent, I don’t like this any more than you guys do. > > But some of you need to get a grip. > > There’s this: > “How can you have kids and then not care about them?” > > First of all, you cannot equate NOT using carseats with “not caring about” your kids. That’s a ridiculous exaggeration. A parent who doesn’t use a carseat is ignorant and neglectful, but it’s a stretch to say they don’t care about their children. When a person does something that involves lack of appropriate attention, it’s known as being “careless”. Technicially, it’s quite correct to say that those parents “don’t care” about their children. Does this equal “not love them”? Probabaly not. But the lack of the attention to detail that they SHOULD be paying regarding their children’s safety IS lacking. It’s not their. Perhaps, in every other area of this child’s life, these are loving and attentive parents. And perhaps some of the other posters should have stipulated this statement “not caring about your children” to be specifically targeting their safety. But considering the ease with which a person CAN make sure that their children are safe in a vehicle, you gotta be a SPECIAL kinda stupid to not even make the effort to snap the child’s seatbelt. > [@](#): > > And this: > > “I pit everyone of these fuck-ups (caught such as this or not) into the deepest and hottest pits of Hell (and worse) for not doing their duty towards their children. There’s no love as shown by these examples and it makes me sick to think of people doing these things when they should know better. I truly pray for these kids. I am fuckin’ sick to my stomach.” > > Golly. Burn in hell forever for “not doing their duty?” You think you have to pray for these kids? You get physically ill? The reality is, the majority of these kids are going to be just fine. Even if it’s a chance you or I would never believe of taking, even though we applaud their being ticketed and fined, your sense of the harm being done these children seems bizarrely overwrought. They are being placed at risk, troubling risk. That’s different than them being beaten, set on fire, fileted, thrown off a bridge… People are fined for not having kids in carseats. They might be rightfully criminally charged if the child is injured in an accident. But we don’t IMPRISON parents for not using a carseat under normal circumstances, and I certainly hope God wouldn’t condemn them to eternal HELL for it. Hearing about some child being dragged to death because mommy had to have her Krispy Kreme fix and couldn’t spare the time to even lock the car door, IS enough to make a reasonable person sick to their stomach. As far as should they be imprisoned for it? Considering all of the deaths and injuries to children injured or killed due to not being seatbelted in, or in a carseat. Hell yes there should be some consequence. Better some community service a night or two in jail and a whopping fine than yet ANOTHER child die when it could have been completely preventable. > [@](#): > > This: > > "“I forgot he was in there … I must have forgotten to take him to the daycare … I took the groceries and got distracted and forgot " blah blah blah. Ok I can see forgetting your briefcase/lunch/smokes/that unopened can of soda in the car BUT YOUR BABY or toddler!!! give me a fucking break. Those people need to be beaten with a stick and yet they are sent to parenting classes (if the kid lives) or some other lame BS slap on the hand.” > > I’ve missed the turn to daycare and proceeded to work because I was distracted and because I didn’t take my son every day. I noticed because my son made a noise. I would have seen him anyway when I got to work (I mean, even if he’d fallen asleep and was quiet, there is no way I’d have missed him), but unfortunately it’s all too plausible to me that a child could be forgotten, which is why such stories give me chills. The difference is, and you said it yourself, " I would have seen him anyway when I got to work (I mean, even if he’d fallen asleep and was quiet, there is no way I’d have missed him),…", that a person who was THINKING, and had that natural caring parental instinct going on, WOULD look, just as a matter of course. See, THAT is the thought process and action of a caring, responsible, reasonable, THINKING person. You would have noticed anyway. When one becomes a parent. Things change, your thinking changes (or should), and you are always aware of that little mite of humanity. Again, you have to be a special kind of idiot to “forget” a child in a car. Not to mention, I have never been able to figure out, who in HELL, children or not, doesn’t take a quick last look at their car before leaving it to make sure it’s “locked up, that you’ve got your lunch, workout clothes, work papers, etc”??? How the hell long does it take to glance at the back seat of your vehicle as you’re locking the door, slipping your purse over your shoulder and walking past the back of it??? I mean what the hell?? Do these people get to work, point their heads up to the sky, lock the doors while averting their heads completely from the vehicle, and don’t even see it as they’re walking by it? It doesn’t even make sense on a purely physical/logical point of view, let alone whether or not they care enough about their children. > [@](#): > > Two of you have said stuff like this: > > “I cannot understand how someone that can learn to operate an automobile on our streets cannot figure out the instructions for a car seat.” > > 80% of car seats are not installed correctly. Which is why police and fire stations WELCOME the chance to install them FOR parents. At some point, maybe you need to accept that fact that they are DIFFICULT to install correctly and that they are not designed in a very user-friendly way. Sure, buckling them in is easy. But lining them up right, kneeing them hard enough, judging whether or not there is too much play–that’s not clear in the instructions. They can SEEM to be installed right but still not be 100% safe because they’re not tight enough. Furthermore, no carseats fit all cars equally well. Unfortunately, no carseat manufacturer has elected to provide parents with this information (“this seat fits well in an Impreza but not in an Escort, etc etc”). > > I am a concerned parent who is religious about the use of the carseat. But I don’t get the degree of self-righteous fury in this thread. Having your carseat not installed 100% up to what the fire or police department determines to be “correct” is a FAR cry from having had three brand NEW ones given to you, and not even attempting to install them AT ALL. And no, they’re not hard to install. And yes, the police and fire statistics state that they’re “not installed correctly”. Some people interpret that to mean that they’ve been installed so that they’re completely useless, as useless as if the child were NOT belted in. What the statistics REALLY mean, is that they are perhaps not quite tight enough (which isn’t a matter of incorrect, but of the mom’s not having the upper body strength to get the damn belts all the way as tight as they should be), and things such as you mentioned like they’re not being kneed in far enough. Not installed correctly does NOT necessarily = not still safe and useful. Unless the person has got the thing fastened around one leg of the carseat, or not fastened in at all, the point is, that using the stupid things is the caring thing to do, not having the child sitting on some teenager’s lap, unrestrained, in the front seat. I doubt you’d see anywhere near the what you call “self-righteous” attitude if the it WAS a case of a child having been injured due to a carseat not having the belt tight enough, or being kneed in far enough to the seat (correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe there’ve been any injuries or deaths due to that). And if installations of carseats WERE that big a problem, and were to mysteriously start causing serious injuries and deaths, then again, parents who didn’t take advantage of a simple solution, that of visiting the local police or fire department, would again, be SOME kinda stupid. It’s the attitude behind the actions that I think people are objecting to so strenuously, not so much the actions themselves. I, like many others here, don’t believe that such horrible accidents would happen without the attitudes that are behind them. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878/42 "2004-03-28T17:22:23Z")
Canvas, I am as ill as anyone hearing about tragedies like the kid being dragged to death. That is NOT what SS said. She said she was that sick about it even when parents are “caught.” Which clearly means that the parents never got in an accident, never had their car hijacked, etc. Same with the car seat comment. If you reread that quote, you’ll see that the poster called parents “stupid” for seeking his fire station’s help installing their car seats. He wasn’t talking about the one particular case (cited earlier) where the negligent mother didn’t install them. He was talking about caring, responsible parents who wanted to do the right thing being “stupid” because they couldn’t “figure out instructions.” I completely understand people’s anger and disgust when horrible things happen to children that could have been avoided, particularly when it seems the parents were negligent and lazy. But as I read it, that’s not the only thing that people are reacting to in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878/43 "2004-03-28T17:24:15Z")
> [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](#): > > when parents are “caught.” I should have previewed. I meant “aren’t caught.” ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878/44 "2004-03-28T17:42:30Z")
> [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](#): > > Remarkably sad that this happened twice. There was a case just like this in 1999 or 2000 in Missouri, but with an older child, at a gas station. There was significant evidence the carjacker KNEW the child was being dragged. Cars honked and followed and several even risked serious injury to cut the driver off. The story made one hell of an impression on me. Creepy. The same exact kind of stuff happened in this case, too. Significant evidence, heroic bystanders, etc. The child in this case was, I believe, about three years old. But I’m absolutely sure it happened at a bakery type place, so it’s not the same case which is, as you say, remarkably sad. In fact, one car blocked an intersection and the driver elected to ignore his crazed rantings and drive around him. I never did see the outcome of that case and I don’t really remember what he was charged with (involuntary vehicular manslaughter?) but I’m guessing he was found guilty. The evidence seemed overwhelming to me. Like I said, if you’re “just running in for a sec”, at least lock your doors! ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878/45 "2004-03-28T18:25:46Z")
> [@Thudlow Boink](#): > > Depending on circumstances, comments similar to **SanguineSpider** ’s above could be perfectly reasonable or they could be the ravings of a neurotic, overprotective parent who doesn’t dare let her kids out of her sight until they’re 21. (Note: I am not questioning the judgment of **SanguineSpider** in particular regarding her own kid, just using her comments as an example of what might, in other circumstances, be an example of “going overboard.”). I do know what you’re describing. That line between good parenting and a neurotic, overprotective parent can both be clearcut and hazy. There are many kids that are mature/old enough to stay in the car while the parent runs into the store but honestly, leaving a baby or toddler alone in a car to do so? I feel that’s very wrong. My own child will be four in May and that’s far too young, imho. The OP deals more with young kids not strapped into car seats while driving and that is something a good parent should ever do. ---
**Author:** ![Lynne\_kilii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d26b3c/32.png) [@Lynne\_kilii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynne_kilii)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878/46 "2004-03-28T23:25:54Z")
> [@bnorton](#): > > \ > My youngest son is eight. Sometimes when driving him home from school he will ask if he can do “tricks”. Tricks means hanging his head and upper body out the window dog-like while I slowly drive the final block. While there is some risk to this, I let him do it for no other reason than he finds it wonderfully fun. I can certainly understand that some parents would weight he risks and decide that it wasn’t worth it, and I have no problem with that. I would have a problem with some busybody calling the police and reporting an incident of child endangerment. The difference between driving slowly down the final block and driving at 40-50 miles per hour down a busy street with stop lights is huge. As to everything else, I don’t think it’s too much to hold parents to a standard of care for their kids in their car. Car seats, not leaving kids in the car when they’re obviously too young, not leaving them in a car that can move (take the keys out, put on the parking brake) is not too much to ask. These are parents. Parents have the responsibility to take care of their children. There are mistakes, sure, but not even trying _is_ criminal! why do my threads come back from the dead when I’m on vacation ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878/47 "2004-03-29T00:20:08Z")
> [@Silver Fire](#): > > I saw a case on CourtTV of a woman going into a donut shop for snacks, leaving her son in the car. Doors unlocked, car running. Someone who had seen her pull up alerted her to the fact that a man was about to take off with her car. She ran out of the shop, yanked the back door open and, frantically screaming to the man that her son was in the back, tried getting the little boy out of his toddler seat. His foot got caught on the seatbelt and the man sped off, dragging that poor little boy to his death. He claimed he thought she’d taken the child out of the car. > > If you’re dumb enough to leave your kid in the car, the very **least** you could do is lock the damn doors! That happened about 3 miles from where I’m sitting… Horrible tragedy, it was. And you would think that after that event, people would be more protective of their children. NOPE! I still sometimes see children sitting in running cars at convenience stores/ gas stations. Makes me absolutely sick to know that even with what happened, some parents are still risking their kids’ lives. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-stupid-bitch-with-no-care-for-the-kid-in-your-car/234878.md?page=2)