# Stupid things people have said to you **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703 "2005-07-01T15:22:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuji_Kitakyusho)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/101 "2005-07-04T21:24:40Z")
> [@DarkSideoftheFloyd](#): > > I once asked someone to fetch a can of elbow grease. > I was working to hang a door, and saw that the hinges needed a bit of oil. I told my friend Andrea, “Hey, can you go the hardware store for something for me? I need a can of elbow grease. Thanks.” She went to the hardware store to get it. When she returned, she said: > “Well, I couldn’t get the elbow grease, but for some reason, the store owner was laughing at me.” This reminds me of something similar: asking someone to fetch an adjustable crescent wrench - a metric one. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/102 "2005-07-04T21:33:00Z")
I was shopping with my ex when we came across a bunch of models of the Venus de Milo. My ex scoffed at them saying, “Who would buy a broken statue?” Yes, he was serious. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/103 "2005-07-04T21:35:06Z")
I’m reminded of the guy who came in and asked for white toner for his colour laser copier. He had a couple of prints with him that led him to believe that his copier was “running low on white.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/104 "2005-07-04T21:40:44Z")
> [@Fuji Kitakyusho](#): > > This reminds me of something similar: asking someone to fetch an adjustable crescent wrench - a metric one. I have one. It has metric markings (scale) to set the width. Though obviously it can be adjusted to fit English bolts and nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Idaho\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ba9def/32.png) [@Idaho\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idaho_Red)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/105 "2005-07-04T23:01:51Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > I was in a Walmart in Portland Oregon just before Thanksgiving many years ago. They had dry cured Virginia hams on sale. Since these hams are dry cured and smoked, they do not require refrigeration. Two ladies were looking at them > Lady 1 It must just be for a centerpiece > Lady 2 They couldn’t be edible > Rick They are dry cured hams, they are totally edible and quite good > Lady 1 but they are kept cold > Rick They didn’t have refrigerators back during the revolutionary war, these are cured, and don’t need to be kept cold > Lady 2 that can’t be right > Rick It sure is, go look it up > Lady 1 and 2 :rolleyes: > Rick :wally A friend of mine told about working in the grocery store. A lady came in wanting some guacamoles so she could make guacamole. He took her to the avacados but she wouldn’t believe him :smack: He tried to convince her but finally sold her a couple of “guacamoles” > [@pasunejen](#): > > Slight nitpick…that’s not necessarily stupid. If the woman was living on well water, or was used to living on well water, it would make sense. When the power’s out, the pump doesn’t run–and thus if you flush the toilet, the tank doesn’t refill. We have a well - the tank will refill, until the pressure tank runs out - which you **don’t** want! ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/106 "2005-07-04T23:43:07Z")
Around the time the W. Mark Felt/Deep Throat reveal came out: ME: And you know who they had on cable news talking about what a jerk Deep Throat is? _G. Gordon Liddy!_ I mean, duh! FRIEND: …G. Gordon Liddy? FRIEND 2: Yeah, who’s that? ---
**Author:** ![Pensandfeathers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Pensandfeathers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pensandfeathers)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/107 "2005-07-05T00:23:43Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Well, that’s bound to happen if we give lobsters everything they demand. Thank you, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read today. Then again, I’ve been up for maybe two hours. 😃 * * * This was something I said about two weeks ago in Midland. Nothing too stupid, but I wasn’t even clever enough to pass it off as intentional. Me, my brother and two sisters were leaving a restaurant and walking to the car. We were in Texas for a funeral and we were all emotionally and physically drained from the planes and crying, so I wasn’t exactly the sharpest tack at that moment. **Brother:** _(Looking across the street at a painted wall)_ “Hey, what’s that painting?” **Me:** “A mural of some sort.” _(My brother turns around and gives me an odd look)_ **Eldest Sister:** “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” :smack: :o ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/108 "2005-07-05T12:51:41Z")
Mine from earlier today: I was at work, updating a list of employees; monthly wage-earners, hourly wage-earners, those on leave of abscence etc. I got to the Maternity Leave list and actually said out loud “Wow, isn’t it strange that there are no men on this list?” ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/109 "2005-07-05T14:58:02Z")
> [@](#): > > **Ultraviolet** said: > When the power went out at my ex-boyfriend’s apartment (he lived on the 9th floor), the toilet would not refill when it was flushed. I assume that has to do with the water pumps being electric. My toilet will refill, but then my pressure tank will be fucked. So, power outage = no ability to flush unless you go to the creek with a bucket = don’t do #2 while the power is out. > [@](#): > > **DarkSideoftheFloyd** said: > I once asked someone to fetch a can of elbow grease. I told my sister I couldn’t pick her up somewhere because the car was out of turn signal fluid. > [@](#): > > **Idaho Red** said: > We have a well - the tank will refill, until the pressure tank runs out - which you don’t want! Yeah, having to deal with the pressure tank that no longer has pressure … ugh. My sister honestly believed until very recently that Kansas was the country with the most tornadoes. And now for some things heard at work: \I gotta work on my stupidity skills. Cause you know I’m gonna try to go out for the movies one of these days. \And those are related how? \Well you know, one of those stupid type movies, like Dumb and Dumber-er-er. \ If I say ‘Butch, she kicked me in the nuts’, she’ll lose a testicle. \ Anybody got a writing… a writing thingie. \ What’d he say? \ Anybody got a writing thingie \ A thingie that puts out ink. On the subject of palindromes: \ A man a plan a cananama? \ I don’t know her name. I don’t know if it was Janey, Jess or Jim… I mean Jamie. \ It’s a perfect square, it don’t got no corners. I think that’s all for now. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/110 "2005-07-05T15:23:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, having to deal with the pressure tank that no longer has pressure … ugh. You must not have a bladder in your pressure tank. I never have any problems with this. When the water refills, it compresses the air in the bladder, providing pressure for the house. ---
**Author:** ![Arwin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Arwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arwin)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/111 "2005-07-05T15:50:42Z")
One that I’ve heard several times is: “I like singing, but I can’t sing.” “Why don’t you try singing lessons?” “Nah, like I said, singing lessons are nothing for me, because I can’t sing.” … ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/112 "2005-07-05T16:17:25Z")
At work… Cow-orker: You can start this for me and then I’ll take over for you when I get in Me: I can’t because we have (big giant huge project that everyone in my department will be working on) that day and everyone in my department will be working on it. CO: Then I’ll ask (insert name of another person from my department) to help Me: OK, but she can’t because we have (big giant huge project that everyone in my department will be working on) that day and everyone in my department will be working on it. CO: Then I’ll get (insert head of my department) Me: OK, but he can’t because we have (big giant huge project that everyone in my department will be working on) that day and everyone in my department will be working on it. CO: You’re just trying to be difficult! Me: 😕 CO: You know, you have a really bad attitude. Me: CO, we have (big giant huge project that everyone in my department will be working on) that day. Everyone in my department will be working on it. It is on the calendar. CO: I’ll take this up with (insert head of my department) Me: OK, let me know what he says, but I bet he will tell you that because we have (big giant huge project that everyone in my department will be working on) that day, everyone in my department will be working on it. CO :mad: :mad: :mad: Me: :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/113 "2005-07-05T16:45:48Z")
Ah, yes…coworkers. CO: “Did you get the email?” Me: “What email?” CO: “The one where you get (something from someone for forwarding it X times).” Me: “Oh, that. Haven’t seen one lately.” CO: “I forwarded mine. How long do you suppose it would take to get my (whatever)?” Me: “That’s technologically impossible. Email tracking programs don’t exist.” CO: “But it said…” Me: “Not possible. They have no way of knowing the number of times it was forwarded because nobody can track them.” CO: “Well, it might be true. I’m going to keep forwarding it anyway.” Me ( trying to avoid :rolleyes: ): “Yeah, whatever.” ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/114 "2005-07-05T17:47:41Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > **Ninja Chick** ’s movie theather one reminded me of another: > Me: Can I have a water? > Concessions guy: What kind? > Me: Um, clean water, preferably? This doesn’t seem so stupid to me. Bottled or tap? Sparkling or still? Then the question of brands of water… there are all sorts of reasons to ask “What kind?” when it comes to water. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/115 "2005-07-05T18:24:32Z")
I must confess… Hubby and I were admiring the large koi in the pond at the resort where we were staying. There was one particularly massive fish that seemed to be staying below the surface. We were curious to get a good look at him. My comment “He’ll need to come up for air sooner or later.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/116 "2005-07-05T18:59:53Z")
This one takes a bit of explaining: I went on vacation this week. As part of that vacation, my wife and I went to the zoo with her sister and her sister’s kids. Part of the zoo was a petting zoo, wherein we made the acquaintance of two very fat pigs. The zoo employee there explained that they were lard hogs, rather than meat hogs, meaning they were raised for their lard rather than their meat. We found this interesting, as we weren’t aware that there were different kinds of pigs for lard and pork. So, a few hours later, we’re sitting in a restaurant, waiting for our food, and we get on to the subject of the pigs. And my lovely and usually brilliant (but decidedly not raised in the country) wife wonders aloud how they get the lard out of the hogs. We break the news to her that the hogs usually won’t just hand it over; you have to kill them. She was stunned. Apparently, she thought (this is the best part) that they milked the pigs, or something, and the process of making lard was much like making cheese from cow’s milk. Well, there ya go, one of the many reasons I love my wife: she makes me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/117 "2005-07-05T19:35:55Z")
During the big power outage in the northeast part of the US and into Ontario, I witnessed one of the odder pieces of behaviour. My wife and I were driving home, and as the lights were out at each intersection, everyone treated them like four-way stops. All well and good. There’s one intersection where we have to make a left just before we get home. Everyone’s four way stopping. Just one problem. There’s no lights there. Never were. It’s a T-junction. East/west traffic has right of way. Southbound has a stop sign. Peoples is crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/118 "2005-07-05T20:25:16Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > ITwo ladies were looking at them > Lady 1 It must just be for a centerpiece > Lady 2 They couldn’t be edible Why am I imagining this in the voices of the “ladies” in the Monty Python sketch about the penguin on the television set? > [@Cardinal](#): > > he talked about how he wanted to drive from Ventura, CA (just above Los Angeles) to Houston for a playoff game. He’d just have to promise to make it back for the next day of school to get his parents’ permission. This isn’t so stupid if he were from Europe, or even from back east. The first time my parents came to visit me in Santa Cruz, CA, they wanted to take a day trip to San Diego (465 miles each way according to MapQuest). They just weren’t used to the different scale of distances here. Heck, I’m planning a trip to Australia, and you’d think I’d be used to large distance scales after living in California for seven years, and I _still_ catch myself thinking the cities in Australia are close together, like they tend to be in Europe (which is where I’ve taken most of my vacations outside the US). ---
**Author:** ![CateAyo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@CateAyo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CateAyo)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/119 "2005-07-05T21:15:20Z")
I was tracking for a group of hunters in Green Swamp, Florida a few years ago. Near the area in which they were hunting, there was an old fashioned general store, with farm animals roaming around in the yard, on the porch, and in the store. Also near the store was some nature trail for hiking and biking. The trails seemed to draw “non-foresty, suburban yuppies” types who yearned to get back to nature. As we were standing at the counter of the store, waiting to pay for our drinks, one immaculately dressed young woman gestured toward a goat and said to the gentleman she was with…“My God! That is the ugliest dog I have ever seen!” Fun with City Folks, Part II When in graduate school, I have this friend who was from urban St Louis. She arrived at a party at my house one Saturday afternoon, having just come from home in St Louis. She walked up to me with her face all screwed up in confusion and said, “Hawk, you’re an Indian so you know all about animals and stuff…” (yes, she was just that adorable) “Maybe you could identify this animal I saw today. It was like a cow, only real massive and it had these hangy-downy things under it.” I, of course, was speechless. She now holds a Ph.D. ---
**Author:** ![Mint\_Julep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc79bd/32.png) [@Mint\_Julep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mint_Julep)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2005, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703/120 "2005-07-05T21:38:46Z")
**Stupid People** : “When are you going to get married?” **Me** : “Well, your husband is too scared to ask you for a divorce, so I guess we will just keep up the affair until we can make it legal and binding.” “I keep using my handy-dandy Make-A-Man-Marry-Me-Club to beat men in the head, but I think I am going to ask for a refund if it does not work soon.” “I dont know, but I just read He’s Just Not That In To You and I am enlightened and hopeful for the future.” “My last boyfriend invited me to join his harem, but he did not believe in marriage” “I’m a lesbian” (I tried to freak my Mom out with that, but she did not buy it either) “Well, I ask every date I get that very question…I don’t understand what I am doing wrong.” “I dont know, but I sure do need a husband soon…Who else will kill the big scary spiders for me?” “F\*ck Off.” \*u [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-things-people-have-said-to-you/310703.md?page=7)