# Stupid woodchucks, stop eating my garden! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 9, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271 "2009-06-09T23:30:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/1 "2009-06-09T23:30:14Z")
My first successful, humane kill… Gun: Ruger Mark II Target 5.5 bull barrel Ammunition: Remington Yellowjacket hyper-velocity Distance to target: point-blank (1") Area targeted: top of skull Rounds required for confirmed kill: ONE! I set up the Havahart trap at around 3 PM, and went out to check it about 10 minutes ago, as I was walking out to the barn, I saw a woodchuck run back under the barn, Crap!, I thought, I scared it off, oh well, better see if the trap is still set I go around behind the barn, and see the Havahart trap has sprung, I hear faint hissy-growly noises from the trap… Lo and behold, the trap contains one small, extremely angry, woodchuck, well, looks like we gots ourselves a _family_ here, ayuh Mr Chuck was quite perturbed to be put in prison without so much as a fair trial or due process, and I’m sure he was demanding to speak to his lawyer and his one phone call, but I don’t speak woochuck-ese, so his demands fell on deaf ears, I did grant him a temporary stay of execution though, long enough for me to go and get my digital camera… When I arrived back, still more chattering about Due Process and the Rule of Law, but I had just finished watching Judge Dredd about a half hour ago, and was in the mood to dispense some Justice, after all… [Stallone]I Um Da Law![/Stallone] I approached the Chuck, with my Lawgiver…errr…Mark II “Lawgiver” at the ready, I read him his violation Code Violation 12345: willful damage to hay barn and toolshed structures Code Violation 666999: Trespassing on posted private property Code Violation 54983: Public Nuisance to the property owners And Code violation 4247: unauthorized consumption of Human Owned vegetables How do you Plead? \ I knew you’d say that… Mr. Chuck, I judge you and find you _Guilty_, penalty, Death, carried out immediately… \ Flop-twitch-gone Okay, details time, everything went perfectly, the Yellowjacket round entered at the top of the Chuck’s head, dropping it instantly, like turning off a light switch, there was some involuntary twitching of the right rear leg, but it was clear that that single shot put the chuck down instantly, there was no suffering, thank Og, it took around five seconds for all motion to cease, and the chuck did not respond to any prodding (with the muzzle of the gun), it was dead, and it was instantaneous Still, just to be safe (and because I’m a novice at varminting), I did fire a second shot just to make sure it wasn’t stunned, or just resting (remarkable rodent, the woodchuck, lovely peltage…), but it was clear that that bullet was wasted and was unneccesary the Yellowjacket performed admirably, I was expecting a messy exit wound, but it performed it’s job perfectly, entering the skull, and not exiting, there was _no_ exit wound, I’d imagine the slug is still in the remains of it’s brain, either mushroomed out, or shattered into pieces, so as an added advantage, the woodchuck won’t come back as a zombie… after I took the resultant pics, I re-set the trap for the next 'chuck, as it’s clear there are at least two I don’t particularly like killing, but it had to be done, at least the animal did not suffer here are some pics of my first succesful Vermination… [http://homepage.mac.com/mactechg4/.Pictures/IMG\_3095.jpg](http://homepage.mac.com/mactechg4/.Pictures/IMG_3095.jpg) [http://homepage.mac.com/mactechg4/.Pictures/IMG\_3096.jpg](http://homepage.mac.com/mactechg4/.Pictures/IMG_3096.jpg) Boy, woodchucks are vicious little critters, a lot of fight in a small package, I’m sure this one was a juvenile, as it was just slightly bigger than a good sized squirrel, I’m not _quite_ ready to clean and eat one yet, I still have to come to terms with how I react to killing, I hate to say it, but I was rather numb on this one, I felt nothing, no anger at the 'chuck for eating my plants, and no remorse at having to end it’s life, it was just something I did I’m not sure I like where this is going, I have a soft spot for animals, all animals, be they domestic pets or wildlife… I’m sure this is a stage all hunters go through, even though, strictly speaking, this wasn’t anywhere even close to a hunt, it was pest control, hunting, real hunting, does not include trapping an animal and shooting it point-blank… Hmm, I think I’ll relax tonight with a nice refreshing glass or two of Woodchuck Hard Cider 😉 (no, it’s not _made_ from woodchucks…) ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/2 "2009-06-09T23:51:52Z")
**MacTech,** will you come to my house, please? When I went through Master Gardener training a few years ago, we were each assigned a garden pest to research, and mine was the groundhog. My report was all “live and let live,” “plant enough for everyone” delusional shit. Then I actually got groundhogs. Nuke’em from outer space, I say. They are a plague. [Here](http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/woodchucks/) is one of my favorite poems. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/3 "2009-06-10T00:19:17Z")
It is the groundhog that often pushes the city gardener to finally decide catch and release as a solution is fallacy. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/4 "2009-06-10T00:38:15Z")
I decided to be really evil, in addition to baiting the Havahart (or should that be HavNoHart, can you really call a live-release trap that if you shoot the animal inside it? ) with fresh clover, mint, and Mesclun Lettuce Mix from my container garden, I added in a handful of McDonalds french fries, those sodding 'Chucks shouldn’t be able to resist that deep-fried potato-ey goodness… It’s too dark to finish them off now, and the trap remains unsprung, I’ll see how it looks tomorrow Good poem,\*\* Freck\*\* ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/5 "2009-06-10T17:36:11Z")
All right, now it’s _PERSONAL_… I go out this morning to check the trap, the french fries were not a good idea, as the trap ended up trapping Blue, our black and white shorthair cat, D’OH!.. So, I let Blue out, he has a rather sheepish expression on his face, and go over to the garden to pick some surplus veggies, fresh lettuce, some turnip greens to re-bait the trap, only to find my nice, tall Borage plants have been essentially _DEFOLIATED_, almost all of the leaves have been eaten, only the flower buds remain… I was really enjoying watching the Borage grow, and now it’s suffered a massive prune job by the sodding woodchucks… Hmm, if it wasn’t for the noise produced, I’d really like to use either my 12-gauge with 000 Buckshot or my .30-06 with the Winchester Supreme big-game loads with the Nosler Core-Lokt 180 grain ballistic tip bullet on the frakking vermin now… Mr. Woodchuck, [Marvin the Martian]you’ve made me _VERY_ angry…[/Marvin] Now where’s my Iludium P-38 Explosive Space Modulator, it should make a Woodchuck-Shattering Kaboom! No Mercy! ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/6 "2009-06-10T17:55:11Z")
The one thing I appreciated about the flood is it killed all the groundhogs in a den by the river. In one night they wrecked about 1/3 of my garden three years ago. The bunnies all flooded out too. The problem by me are all the moles in the neighbor’s lawn that spill into our yard. I actively try to control them but the neighbor doesn’t so they migrate all the time. I did put in buried wire fencing on the garden bed where they came from his yard. Thus they at least turn back into the lawn there. At least we haven’t had rats migrating from his yard yet, but I won’t be surprised when it happens. At least the city will require him to clean up at that point. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/7 "2009-06-10T17:59:46Z")
You should communicate with **Scylla**. As always in these threads, I encourage the harassed rodent warrior to try the [Rodenator](http://www.rodenator.com/), which I watch in action on the website but have never needed to resort to myself. I want one a Doper to try one out and report back on the resulting destruction (with pictures!). ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/8 "2009-06-10T18:03:29Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > You should communicate with **Scylla**. > > As always in these threads, I encourage the harassed rodent warrior to try the [Rodenator](http://www.rodenator.com/), which I watch in action on the website but have never needed to resort to myself. I want one a Doper to try one out and report back on the resulting destruction (with pictures!). The problem with that is once you use it won’t be able to stop.😃 ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/9 "2009-06-10T18:43:05Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > All right, now it’s _PERSONAL_… > > I go out this morning to check the trap, the french fries were not a good idea, as the trap ended up trapping Blue, our black and white shorthair cat, D’OH!.. At least you didn’t get the unintentional bycatch that [I did](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=471704). And I’m jealous of your ability to dispatch the varmint with firearms, as Og intended. When I finally caught mine, I had to drown the bastard in a trashcan, since open discharge in MA would get me in an awful lot of trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/10 "2009-06-10T19:13:47Z")
A few years back I killed one with some pest bombs bought at the local garden supply. They were either carbon dioxide or sulfer dioxide or some other heavy, lethal gas. The instructions said to plug all the holes, but I just put one down two different holes after dark. I never saw it again, and because it died underground there was no smell. ---
**Author:** ![maladroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@maladroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maladroit)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/11 "2009-06-10T19:25:15Z")
Good job! Groundhogs killed my green thumb. I couldn’t do anything about them, and they ate everything. They still live under my shed. The most I get is a tomato plant in a pot now. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/12 "2009-06-10T19:28:05Z")
I took another look at the garden, and it’s worse than I thought… 1.5’ tall borage plants: 90% defoliated Boston Head lettuce: 98% eaten Outredgous red romaine lettuce: 85% eaten Marigolds: one of three total plants 98% eaten strangely enough, they left the turnips, beets, carrots, pepper plants, tomato plants, and corn uneaten (for now)… That Rodenator is made of WIN! though, I want one, problem is, the 'chucks are living under our hay barn, something tells me a mix of propane and oxygen detonated under an old, dry, _WOODEN_ structure is not the best of ideas, especially when it contains dry, highly combustible hay bales… I’ve upgraded the ammo in the Mark II to CCI Velocitors, 1450 FPS and a 40 grain bullet using Speer’s “Gold Dot” hollow point technology, it blew apart a coconut in my “Can a .22 breach a zombie skull” test, so I’m sure it’ll pack a wallop on those frelling whislepigs It won’t be as satisfying as using my 12-gauge or my .30-06 to turn the 'chuck into a fine red mist, but I also don’t want to damage the Havahart trap, plus, cleanup would be a pain, with a .22, you just pop a hole in the skull, and put the corpse out where the scavengers can eat it (recycling, dontchaknow…) Muldoon, sorry you have to live in The People’s Republik of NannyChussets (PRNC), that’s one of very few states I’d refuse to live in (others being D.C., Illinois, Connecticut, and The People’s Republik of Kalifornia, any state with draconian Nannystate laws really…) You have the same size Havahart that I have, incidentally… This has got me thinking though, I should probably trade in one of my .22LR firearms (I have a New England Firearms single shot rifle, a Ruger 10/22 rifle, and a Ruger Mark II semiauto) for either a .22 Magnum or .17HMR/HM2 for that little extra varmint-slaying punch I used to think 'Chucks were cute and amusing, now I hate them to their very core, squirrels are cute, and only slightly annoying when raiding birdfeeders, but they’re generally benign and harmless, 'Chucks, OTOH, are vicious, destructive, mean-spirited, heartless little bastards and deserve to be nuked from orbit (only way to be sure), if a squirrel crosses the road when I’m driving, I generally slow down or swerve to avoid it, if a woodchuck crosses the road (even if it’s just to get to the other side…) I’ll be sure to drop a gear and mat the throttle , try to flatten it Of course you know, this means _WAR_, and I take no prisoners (although if I did, maybe I could waterboard the frelling woodchucks…) Woodchucks, aside from ticks and other useless, annoying biting insects, are the sole exception to my “live and let live” policy… ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/13 "2009-06-10T19:39:48Z")
Anybody know where I can find some of those [UA-571C Automated Sentry Guns](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HWf0MoS-xk) from Aliens II? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/14 "2009-06-10T20:12:53Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > Anybody know where I can find some of those [UA-571C Automated Sentry Guns](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HWf0MoS-xk) from Aliens II? [Here](http://www.critter-repellent.com/contech/scarecrow-sprinkler.php), maybe? ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/15 "2009-06-10T20:50:12Z")
Hmm, now all I need is a way to attach a semiautomatic firearm to the unit, remove the water sprayer (or find a way to have it squirt acid instead…) and mount a gun on it… naah, too much hassle, I want either a UA-571C Sentry Gun or, even better, an [ED-209](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQKnlXhSdWs) “YOU ARE ILLEGALLY TRESPASSING IN A PRIVATE GARDEN, YOU HAVE TWENTY SECONDS TO VACATE THE PREMISES” ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/16 "2009-06-10T21:45:16Z")
Here’s your ammo. [Barnes Varmint Grenade Ammo](http://www.barnesbullets.com/products/rifle/varmint-grenade/) You can find videos of it if you search video sites. I won’t link it. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/17 "2009-06-10T22:00:59Z")
My mother had a different solution to your problem. If someone told her that a wild animal was eating her prized plants, she would say, “That’s great. I’ll plant some more for them tomorrow.” ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2009, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/18 "2009-06-10T22:06:17Z")
They do more than destroy plants. They undermine the foundations of buildings. In stone foundation barns I’ve seen the walls collapse in places because of them. They love to get under houses with only crawl spaces too. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/19 "2009-06-11T02:17:16Z")
The frakking 'Chuck is tormenting me on purpose, I’m sure of it, I went out a few hours ago to check the trap, and the 'chuck was in the middle of the lawn, nowhere near the trap, by the time I got the rifle up and on target, it had scarpered off under the barn So, I stopped off at Kittery Trading Post, and picked up a bipod for my rifle, tomorrow will be (weather permitting) a sniper-day, hide just behind a small hump in the lawn, shielded by a shrubbery, and set my crosshairs on the main entrance under the hay barn, and wait… Here, woodchuck woodchuck woodchuck, I’ve got some nice fresh turnip greens for you… ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271/20 "2009-06-11T11:07:19Z")
Dude, seriously, just go get some of [these.](http://groundhog-x.com/smokebomb.htm) They are cheap, easy and they work. Just light a few after dark and toss them in. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupid-woodchucks-stop-eating-my-garden/499271.md?page=2)