# Stupidest advice ever given to you by a Doctor **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2011, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588 "2011-12-09T04:42:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![hazynlazy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@hazynlazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hazynlazy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/141 "2011-12-12T16:19:54Z")
I still hold anger towards the doctors at the student health clinic on my college campus. I presented with severe tonsillitis. My throat was so swollen that the intake nurse called over everyone in the clinic to come stare at my throat as if I were some sort of attraction. I should clarify that she called these people over not to provide me with medical advice but just so they could gawk at how gross my throat looked. When I saw the doctor, he said it was the ‘most swollen throat he had ever seen’. His plan of action for the pain? Take Advil. I told him I had been taking Advil and I couldn’t eat or drink anything because I was in too much pain to swallow. Apparently, though, they had a no narcotic policy at this particular clinic because of the fear of giving students narcotics. Even though they were trained physicians and I was in real pain. WTF? If I were smart I would have gone to the local emergency room or other walk in clinic in the town where my college was. Instead, I took a five hour bus ride back home to see my family doctor who I trusted. The bus ride though, was excruciating. I was in so much pain I had to spit into an empty water bottle because it hurt too much to swallow my own saliva. The person beside me was nice enough not to stare but she surely was grossed out by sitting beside me for so long. If it didn’t hurt so much to speak, I would have explained my situation to her. But really I was in too much pain to care about her. Fortunately, I arrived at my GP’s office just before he was finished for the day and he agreed to see me. Immediately he gave me a round of steroids and enough pain meds to take down Andy Dick. ---
**Author:** ![Tracyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f14d63/32.png) [@Tracyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracyfish)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/142 "2011-12-12T16:22:50Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Wait, are you saying they prescribed a proton pump inhibitor to treat a parasite, or they weren’t aware that’s what it was yet and when it turned out not to be GERD/Acid Reflux/a gastric ulcer they insisted you keep taking it anyway? > > Never mind - both are equally obnoxious. It was the latter. The gastroenterologist put me on it in case I had GERD but before any tests were run. When her nurse called with the diagnosis that I had giardia, I asked if that meant I could stop taking the omeprazole, and she insisted I still needed it. They gave me a different prescription to get rid of the parasite. The only explanation the doctors after that gave for wanting me to stay on the omeprazole was that it was for my nausea/vomiting. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/143 "2011-12-12T18:56:01Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Worst procedure - pelvic exam given to me by a military doctor when I went to enlist at 18 having never even used tampons much less had sex. I told the doc all that and he said, “We’ll just do it real quick, then.” Ladies, you want to guess what he did ‘real quick’ w/ the one-size-fits-all injection molded plastic speculum w/ the seams on the outside? > I sobbed so much the rest of the day I was actually fine w/ being told I couldn’t enlist (lifelong dream and only plan after high school) due to my scoliosis. Ugh. My first pelvic exam was by the 2am on-call doctor at the ER when I was having appendicitis. They did a pelvic exam to rule out ovarian cysts. I, too, was a not-even-tampon-using virgin and he used one of the one-size fits-all METAL speculums, kept yelling at me to “relax” as I sobbed into the little pillow I was holding over my face. It felt like he was stabbing me in the vagina over and over with a knife or a pair of scissors or something. It was just horrible. And that’s on top of the rather large amount of pain I was already in on account of having appendicitis. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/144 "2011-12-12T21:19:23Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Well clinical depression is much more than just your feelings. Depression can impact your life in a way that isn’t acceptable to indulge in. A person might be unable to sleep, or sleep all day, or lose weight because they have no appetite, or feel so hopeless they literally can’t force themselves to do their schoolwork or other essential activities. So the antidepressant can help lift a person up enough to function, because unfortunately people have to keep functioning. They’re never going to medicate away normal sadness. I’m aware of the symptoms of depression. I just don’t feel that they applied to me when I was “diagnosed”. This is why I considered the diagnosis (and subsequent prescription) to be stupidity on the doctor’s part. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/145 "2011-12-12T21:47:11Z")
> [@limegreen](#): > > And now there’s an app for that-- according to my daughters. I’m long done with it. They do! On Iphone it’s called “Period Tracker.” It’s rather handy-- it tells you when you’re most fertile, when you’re period should come, etc. And you can track symptoms you’re having, when you had sex, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Hokkaido\_Brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d26b3c/32.png) [@Hokkaido\_Brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hokkaido_Brit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/146 "2011-12-12T23:06:39Z")
All this period talk reminds me of the lovely doctor who my mother took me to see when I was 12, vomiting and fainting with period pain. He took one look at me and said “She’ll be OK once she’s had a baby.” That and “take aspirin” were all the advice he gave me. Four years of utter misery later I got on the pill a month after my 16th birthday - a day I’d been waiting for with baited breath, but sadly it didn’t help. Only when one Dr finally, finally, FINALLY gave me Loxonin when I was about 19 did I get any relief. Oh and yes, the baby did help but he didn’t turn up until 19 years after that stellar advice. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/147 "2011-12-13T00:10:09Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > I just don’t understand why you’re counting. Seems obsessive and frankly a bit gross. I’m confused about what’s gross about a dot on my calendar. I know there are people who think their periods are so repulsive that even acknowledging awareness of them is disgusting… Is it that? As for obsessive, I’ve had jobs and done courses that are very active and intensive. The time to find out that you’re due is not smack in the middle of a three-hour session of activity. Far from being complicated, it makes life way simpler (and means you have to think about it much less) if you know when you’re due. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/148 "2011-12-13T00:14:41Z")
Worst medical advice I’ve ever received was from my own mother, an RN. I had terrible stomach pain – I couldn’t even button up a pair of pants. I was just out of school, working my first job, and I was still on her insurance 'cause my own hadn’t kicked in yet. So I called my mom, and she told me I was being a hypochondriac and that nothing was wrong. But because I knew that pain on the lower right quadrant of the stomach often indicated appendicitis (thanks, random episode of “Riptide”!), I hung up on her and called my dad on his cell phone (I think he was standing right next to my mom at their house) and told him. He came to get me lickety-split and took me to the ER. Yup, it was appendicitis. Mom is a sucky nurse. However, she quickly redeemed herself. The day after the operation, I asked the nurse for my blood sugar kit so I could test my blood sugar (I’m a type 1 diabetic). Then I asked her for some insulin. She informed me that since I couldn’t eat anything, I didn’t need insulin – and that I could start taking insulin again in a few days. Really? And they let you work a grown-up hospital and everything? My mother promptly kidnapped me and snuck me out of the hospital, so that I could recuperate at home with all the insulin I wanted. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/149 "2011-12-13T00:16:36Z")
> [@Shmendrik](#): > > c) Much of the variation in pregnancy length from LMP comes from variation in the amount of time between when you menstruate and when you ovulate. Right, but that’s still a), variation in the length of human processes. As opposed to b), patients are idiots. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/150 "2011-12-13T00:58:12Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > I just don’t understand why you’re counting. Seems obsessive and frankly a bit gross. > [@Kolga](#): > > Really? You can’t imagine why a woman might want to keep track of her menstrual cycles? There’s not a single reason you can think of? > [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > I’m confused about what’s gross about a dot on my calendar. I know there are people who think their periods are so repulsive that even acknowledging awareness of them is disgusting… Is it that? Not to mention that there are a number of conditions for which a sudden change in one’s typical menstrual cycle can be a symptom. Endometrial cancer leaps to mind. I’m just boggled that being aware of, educated about, and prepared for a bodily function is considered _gross_ by anyone. Maybe you really are following 12-year-old girls on Twitter too much, **voguevixen**. I know that sounds snarkier than I mean it, but I am seriously nonplussed. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/151 "2011-12-13T01:00:06Z")
This happened to my son when he was 18 months (he’s now 45). While changing a diaper, my wife noticed a hemorrhoid. She mentioned this to her pediatrician who said infants don’t get hemorrhoids, he must have been passing a polyp. He should have a rectal examination to see if he has polyps. The guy never looked to see if there was a hemorrhoid there. So we took him to the children’s hospital and the surgeon also never examined him, but scheduled an exploratory. Naturally the kid was terrified to be in the hospital, especially since one of the other kids in the room had some problem with his penis, which frightened my son something terrible. So they gave him anesthetic (at 18 months they won’t stay still long enough for a standard colonoscopy). The surgeon came in afterwards to tell us no polyps. Great. Then, when he was half out the door, he briefly turned to us and said, “By the way, your son has hemorrhoids” and disappeared instantly. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/152 "2011-12-13T01:00:41Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > They do! On Iphone it’s called “Period Tracker.” It’s rather handy-- it tells you when you’re most fertile, when you’re period should come, etc. And you can track symptoms you’re having, when you had sex, etc. “Period Tracker” is the name of my Android app, too. Not sure if it’s the same one–pink “daisy” flower icon? I was soooo happy when I found an app a couple of years ago and could stop tracking via Google calendar! As for why I track, since at least one person seems confused by the concept, my cycle is anywhere from 30 to 36 days. Knowing what day I’m going to start on is a crapshoot. When I’m “in the zone” according to my calendar tracking, I start wearing my Divacup and check it a few times a day until my period actually starts. That’s another nice thing about the Divacup–no wasted tampons/pads on “waiting” days. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/153 "2011-12-13T01:09:08Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > Me, 17 years old. > > Doctor: “Do you have a cat?” > Me: “Yes.” > Doctor: “You’re allergic to cats. You need to get rid of your cat.” > Me: “That’s not an option.” > Doctor: _“Well you’ll just have to suffer then.”_ > > I had just gotten that cat and ended up having her for 17 years, literally half my life when she passed. She kept me going during the darkest times and if a cat can be your “soul mate” she was mine. Like f’ing hell I’d “get rid of” my cat. This. When I told a doctor that I thought I was slightly allergic to my cats, she tried to convince me that I would eventually die from having my cats around because I have asthma. Bullshit. I’ve had asthma for nearly fifty years and cats for nearly forty-five, and all I get from my cats is a stuffy nose. Luckily, the witless twerp was **not** my regular doctor. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/154 "2011-12-13T01:16:20Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > This. When I told a doctor that I thought I was slightly allergic to my cats, she tried to convince me that I would eventually die from having my cats around because I have asthma. Bullshit. I’ve had asthma for nearly fifty years and cats for nearly forty-five, and all I get from my cats is a stuffy nose. > > Luckily, the witless twerp was **not** my regular doctor. You cat people get so defensive about cat allergies! ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/155 "2011-12-13T01:54:22Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > “Period Tracker” is the name of my Android app, too. Not sure if it’s the same one–pink “daisy” flower icon? I was soooo happy when I found an app a couple of years ago and could stop tracking via Google calendar! As for why I track, since at least one person seems confused by the concept, my cycle is anywhere from 30 to 36 days. Knowing what day I’m going to start on is a crapshoot. When I’m “in the zone” according to my calendar tracking, I start wearing my Divacup and check it a few times a day until my period actually starts. That’s another nice thing about the Divacup–no wasted tampons/pads on “waiting” days. Same one! It really is super handy. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/156 "2011-12-13T02:18:44Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > They do! On Iphone it’s called “Period Tracker.” It’s rather handy-- it tells you when you’re most fertile, when you’re period should come, etc. And you can track symptoms you’re having, when you had sex, etc. I just went and downloaded it. I generally track by where I am in my pills, but that can be a crapshoot if my body decides to be fun and when I wasn’t on the pill I just didn’t bother because I pretty much never had a calendar handy so I was usually caught flat footed at the doctors. My bad advice is nothing on the stories here, but I was horribly sick. Nauseous, tired, headaches. Went to the doc and the first time was told a stomach bug and stress, the second (same clinic different doc) said I had what was going around, here’s a script go home. Well the bug is now almost eight (and yes I’m aware of how much the two parts of my post are related). ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/157 "2011-12-13T03:01:01Z")
Our 14-month-old baby has poor skin and gets rashes and various other things, as well as having a constant runny nose. Since he’s in day care, we thought the runny nose may be just part of day care. Beta-chan often got colds at about the same age. We first took him to our normal pediatrician who would give him steroid creams. I asked if it was possible that he had allergies, but since he didn’t seem to suffer from a known food, the doctor didn’t pursue it. After many months of this, we went to a dermatologist, who was better able to separate out the various conditions. He recommended that we have an allergy test done, and directed us to have a pediatrician do it, since drawing blood from tikes is difficult. Our normal pediatrician had retired, so we went to a different one, who we selected because he advertised that he was a specialist in allergies. This guy wouldn’t do it, and wanted to make sure that we were doing “proper skin care” for a couple of months before running the test, which would only take 30 seconds and then the lab work. Fuck that. We went to another doctor who did do the test, and sure enough, he’s strongly allergic to some foods, including peanuts and eggs. So, the first pediatrician wouldn’t run the tests because he wasn’t positive it was allergies, and the second one wanted us to jump through his hoops before doing so. We’ve now got anther specialist looking at him, so I hope we can make some progress. ---
**Author:** ![missinformation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@missinformation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missinformation)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/158 "2011-12-13T03:14:31Z")
Had a doctor, 2 months after my car accident. “Take off your back brace and go back to work, you are fine. Here’s another script for Tylenol 3.” Called the insurance company and got approved for a second opinion…Dr. V hit the roof when he looked at my x-rays. Tailbone that had been crushed was not fully healed and I broke and separated 2 vertebrae. Ended up having 2 rods and a screw put into my spine the next January. (My x-rays now look like they are brought to you by the letter “A”) ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/159 "2011-12-13T03:36:29Z")
Not a doctor, but a pharmacist (still a health care person). Back in the 70’s I had a bad case of food poisoning from a meat tray won in a pub raffle. I asked the pharmacist what to do. He told me to take castor oil to clean out my system. I guess it did. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588/160 "2011-12-13T05:11:08Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > : > > One of my oldest friends is a doctor. When we were in our mid-twenties we were talking about pregnancy for some reason - maybe he was doing an OB rotation, I can’t remember - and I said something about pregnancies lasting slightly different amounts of time, not being always exactly 40 weeks long. He said, ‘That’s just because women are always wrong about when they had their last period.’ > > Say _what_? I told him that all the women I knew - me, my flatmates, my best mates - marked our periods on a calendar or a diary or something. And we just wanted to know when we were due; women who are actually trying to get pregnant must be way more aware than that. He said, ‘Well, I bet you guys are the exception.’ I asked my OB about this once, it’s not that women don’t know when they menstruate, but that they might not know exactly when in their cycle they got pregnant, so doctors give a window rather than an exact date. I ovulate really early in my cycle, right after my period ends. Some women do so right in the middle and some at the end right before their period starts. So in Doctor Doofus’ defense, the day you conceived _can_ vary by a week or two even if you mark your calendar like clockwork every month. This is why the rhythm method doesn’t work. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-advice-ever-given-to-you-by-a-doctor/605588.md?page=9)