# Stupidest movie plot EVER. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 13, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884 "2002-05-13T20:26:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/21 "2002-05-14T07:48:43Z")
**Wild Wild West** So it’s 1869. There’s this former Confederate general who’s still pissed about how the Civil War turned out, so he kidnaps a bunch of scientists and has them build a gigantic mechanical spider that shoots fireballs. To counter this threat, President Grant sends two federal agents to fight back with exploding pool balls. The general guy tries to kill them by having assassins hide in paintings at a party in New Orleans. Then they meet this half-naked woman who’s running around doing nothing in particular. Their train gets blown up, but fortunately they’re able to invent a flying bicycle. And let me assure you that these are the least ridiculous parts of the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Skip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@Skip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skip)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/22 "2002-05-14T10:15:55Z")
**Tomb Raider** - Evil man needs two pieces of ancient clock to control time. Lara Croft has one piece. Does she destroy it so he will never be able to use it? No! She gives it to him in the hopes of seeing her dead dad again! Also if someone could tell me what was happpening in the final fight scenes? It was so badly edited and put together it seemed like a bad hallucination. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/23 "2002-05-14T10:53:48Z")
Have none of you ever _seen_ Telephone? Whoopie Goldberg talking on the phone. For 90 minutes. Don’t even _try_ to talk to me of worse plots. pan ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/24 "2002-05-14T12:38:33Z")
Speaking of _Pat_, a how about _Superstar_. Good lord! Or even _Night at the Roxburry_. I have no idea what the hell these “films” were actually supposed to be about. I believe they were merely intended to annoy. And add _There’s Something About Mary_ in there too. What was that? There’s a hot ditzy blonde that people like. That’s the whole damn plot. By Hecate! ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/25 "2002-05-14T12:45:01Z")
Nobody’s mentioned _Freddy Got Fingered_? ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/26 "2002-05-14T13:10:25Z")
I am flummoxed as to how this thread could grow so large without someone having already mentioned Double Jeopardy. ---
**Author:** ![Phlip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Phlip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlip)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/27 "2002-05-14T13:24:07Z")
Jay and Silent bob was good for the first half of the movie. Then when they got into the lame ass diamond heist bullshit it got boring quick. Kindergarten Cop was a good flick IMHO. Way better than… STOP, or my mom will SHOOT!! ---
**Author:** ![MachV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@MachV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MachV)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/28 "2002-05-14T13:31:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mullinator \* > \*\*I am flummoxed as to how this thread could grow so large without someone having already mentioned Double Jeopardy. \*\* Ah, yes. The movie where the ending was completely given away in all the ads. I want to throw in for the Arnold movies. Which one? Does it matter?:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/29 "2002-05-14T13:38:45Z")
Andy Warhol’s Dracula "I moost haf the blewd of a _wer-jinn_ ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/30 "2002-05-14T13:52:19Z")
_Xtro_ a plot so vague, I still can’t tell you why anything happens. _One Fine Day_ Almost every plot twist involving Michelle Pfeiffer’s character happens because her kid won’t listen to her when she tells him to do anything. Then when trouble happens, he’s sorry and makes the “little kid sad face” and she lets him off the hook. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/31 "2002-05-14T14:25:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kabbes \* > \*\*Have none of you ever _seen_ Telephone? > > Whoopie Goldberg talking on the phone. For 90 minutes. Don’t even _try_ to talk to me of worse plots. > > pan \*\* I think I got you beat, but it took another Whoopie Goldberg movie to do it. [Theodore Rex](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/click/movie-1068831/reviews.php?critic=all&sortby=default&page=1&rid=292745) It’s a riveting buddy cop story where two mismatched heroes must save humanity from an evil mad scientist. One of the cops is Whoopie. Doesn’t sound exceptopnally bad so far, but… Her partner is a “wisecracking” (read - fart jokes) T-Rex the size of Barney. It is never explained why there are a bunch of anthropomophized dinosaurs walking around the city - there just are, and the plot holes are large enough to sail an oil tanker through. However, you don’t care about lapses in internal logic because you are too busy looking for a power drill so you can pour Clorox into your cranium and hopefully scrub this awful piece of celluloid from your memory. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/32 "2002-05-14T15:40:44Z")
Well that _does_ sound bad. So bad, in fact, that I feel violated even having _heard_ about it. Yuck. pan ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/33 "2002-05-14T17:04:51Z")
May I nominate one of my favorite films? _Bad Lieutenant_ See Harvey Keitel. See him yell at his kids. See Harvey do cocaine, and drink, and gamble, and try to steal evidence from a crime scene. See Harvey’s penis. See Harvey smoke heroin. See the nun get raped. See Harvey masturbate in front of a little girl. Why? Because he’s a _Bad Lieutenant_. That’s all you need to know. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/34 "2002-05-14T18:11:08Z")
But, but, but I _liked_ **Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back**! Does that make me a bad person? _-me_ ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/35 "2002-05-14T18:53:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\* > …as if anyone else could do it? 😃 \*\* Well, Robert Z’Dar in [Frogtown II](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0106970). But since he is Robert Z’Dar, he can’t be any good. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/36 "2002-05-14T19:13:28Z")
_Milk Money_. A bunch of kids pool their milk money together to hire a hooker to be a wife for one of the kid’s dad. Yes, it has a happy ending, yes it has a “killer pimp” who shows up, and yes it has lots, and lots, of optical effects to try and make Melanie Griffith look younger than she really is. Its one of my sister-in-laws favorite movies. That and that stupid Julia Roberts movie where she plays a hooker who gets Richard Gere to fall in love with her. (I’m noticing a trend here, how 'bout you?) ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/37 "2002-05-14T19:36:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Philosophocles \* > \*\*Perhaps the worst movie plot ever is “It’s Pat” based on the SNL gender ambiguous character. I saw part of this movie when I was up at 3:30 AM and was really bored. Basically, the movie takes one gag and stretches it and stretches it and stretches it. I don’t think there really was a plot. After a couple of minutes, I just got a sort of glazed look as I absorbed quite possibly the worst of all the movies derived from an SNL skit. 😕 \*\* Incidentally, this movie had what is probably the [worst box office of all time.](http://us.imdb.com/Business?0110169) . ~$60,000 gross for this POS. I saw a glimpse of Theodore Rex (I won’t dignify it by giving it bold or italic treatment). That abortion gets my vote for worst idea and execution of all time. If I recall correctly, it was set in the _future_, thus making the dinosaur angle even more dumb. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/38 "2002-05-14T19:40:43Z")
Not one Stallone flick in here? You guys are slipping! ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/39 "2002-05-14T20:09:55Z")
Ummm, someone mentioned Stop or my Mom will Shoot. Doesn’t anybody read these threads before they say anything like that? I’ll second the vote for Face/Off just because I’m STILL hearing people say how good that movie was (I walked out of the theatre on it.) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884/40 "2002-05-14T20:16:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Not one Stallone flick in here? You guys are slipping! OK – how about **Rhinestone** Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone compete to see who has the bigger chest. Whoops. Dolly Parton makes a bet that she can turn Taxi Driver Stallone into a C&W star. Pygmalion meets the Grand Ol’ Opry. I like the first idea better. It’s more plausible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-movie-plot-ever/108884.md?page=3)