# Stupidest Porn Spam Titles - what have you got in YOUR inbox? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948 "2003-01-11T13:26:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/1 "2003-01-11T13:26:58Z")
I’ve been doing this in my journal for a while now… posting “Today’s stupid porn spam title” almost daily. Just the least appealing, poorest worded, or most bizarre ones I get. Today I thought… hey, the folks at the SDMB probably have a lot of this hilarious stuff in their inbox, too! Here are mine for the last week-ish: **Friday 01/03:** Subject: BUFFY THE PENIS SLAYER!! **Saturday 01/04:**"Subject: MIDGETS! MIDGETS! MIDGETS! " **Moday 01/06:** “Subject: CELEB SLUTS LOVE BALD COOTER” **Wednesday 01/08:** “Subject: Sexy Trannys with Hard Schlongs” **Friday 01/10:** “Subject: Support, Russian Anal Deflor…” _every time I see this, I think it says “Deflector” at the end, which makes it much more amusing, in my opinion_ **Saturday 01/11:**"Subject: BLONDE BOWLING BALL GETS BASTED " ---
**Author:** ![MC\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@MC\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_E)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/2 "2003-01-11T13:39:34Z")
Subject: Think you’ve seen porn? How about a dog giving 5+ girls oral sex till they cum? :eek: Subject: Bigee your penis in 21 days As a sys admin, I get a list every day of messages blocked by our filtering software, those were the two “best” from today. MC$E ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/3 "2003-01-11T14:00:08Z")
I got a spam yesterday in which a bitter guy promised to show me sex pix of his ex-girlfriend. He bounced between viciously slagging on her and drooling about how hot she looked. Very strange. ---
**Author:** ![airdisc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e19adc/32.png) [@airdisc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/airdisc)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/4 "2003-01-11T14:26:42Z")
I don’t get any spam at all, probably because my current email address is only a month old. However, my parents, that’s a different story. They get: MAKE YOUR COCK SO LARGE IT’LL KNOCK DOWN WALLS! MAKE YOUR COCK A QUARTER OF AN INCH BIGGER MAKE YOUR DICK SO LONG IT’LL DRAG ON THE GROUND HOT GIRLS AND GIRAFFES (yes, giraffes) SURPRISE RAPE ATTACKS (as opposed to what? scheduled rape attacks? Do women really have “11:45: go into a dark alley…” on their planners?) EXTREME COLON CLEANSING All of these are real. You may begin weeping for humanity now. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/5 "2003-01-11T14:27:43Z")
My all time favorite is “Midgets acting all slutty.” ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/6 "2003-01-11T15:43:42Z")
I still remember this one from a few years ago. The from box said the email was from Dorothy. The subject box said “I want to give you a blowjob!”. What makes this disturbing to me is Dorothy was my mother’s name. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/7 "2003-01-11T16:04:31Z")
“My Birthday Present.” I was expecting to see Gollum… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/8 "2003-01-11T16:16:48Z")
“Nusty Secrets” was good. What the heck’s a “nusty” secret? Then, of course, there’s days where I get email offering to give me a huge penis on the same day I get email offering to give me huge breasts. Which is it, boys? No one really needs both, don’t you think? And lots of stuff about Britney. Someday, I expect to see an email offering to give me a huge Britney. Probably the worst, though, was the day I got an Email with my sister’s name on it. I get emails from my sister periodically. I was about to open it, until I noticed that the subject line read FUCK ME UP THE ASS UNTIL MY EARS BLEED. That definitely gave me pause… ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/9 "2003-01-11T18:32:56Z")
The ones offering to make my penis bigger are pretty funny. I’m female. ---
**Author:** ![HerMajestyLorna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7cd45c/32.png) [@HerMajestyLorna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HerMajestyLorna)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/10 "2003-01-11T18:47:53Z")
My favorite from today was: BANNED IN A LL 51 STATES EVEN CANDA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/11 "2003-01-11T18:51:05Z")
Canada’s a state, now? Jeez. I get a li’l tipsy ONE night, and look what I miss… ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/12 "2003-01-11T18:56:24Z")
“She turned you down in highschool…now you can cum in her eye” Seems reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/13 "2003-01-11T19:07:12Z")
These are the ones that immiediatly spring to mind: “MY WET, WET MEAT NEEDS A STUD MAN” (for some reason that “WET, comma, WET” slays me!). “CUM GUZZLIN LESBIAN SCHOOLGIRLZ WANT 2 TALK 2 U!” (you’d hope they’d teach better grammar in at cum guzzling school). “BUTTER MY SUPPLE BISCUITS” “GROW A PENIS THAT WILL GET YOU NOTICED!”(pardon me sir, but I just couldn’t help noticing that enormous penis of yours!). ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/14 "2003-01-11T20:04:18Z")
The one that got my attention more than the others was **USE YOUR DICK TO PLAY BASEBALL!!!** Even if it _was_ that large… ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/15 "2003-01-11T20:39:29Z")
Actually **Opal** , I just got one about _you_. > [@](#): > > From: Janita Breedlove > Subject: **re:opal** > > SEE Teen Farm Girls Have Sex > with their animals Free! > You think you have seen some pretty crazy porn on the internet? > YOU HAVEN’T SEEN SHIT! I saw the most unbelievable movie clip ever > to grace the internet! These guys put up a clip of a beautiful teen > farm girl who actually fucks her horse!NO BULLSHIT,SHE ACTUALLY FU… and so on. Now, seeing as you are the only Opal that I know of and that it is not a very common name, I can only assume that this was sent to me by some worried and upright member of this board to warn me about the likes you. ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/16 "2003-01-12T00:51:38Z")
I get so much spam that I’ve pretty much given up on cleaning it all out. It’s not as much porn as it used to be, but I still get gems like: “I GOT SEE-THROUGH LINGERIE 2DAY! CAN U C MY HAND?” “I like to get fucked in the ass!! Come watch for FREE!!” “It’s JuLia!! We got drunk on NEW YEARS…And filmed it. :)” “Lonely and Horny Housewife’s” (Seems like there should be a noun at the end here) “Üadv-adlt-thr0bbing-with-delite-at-these-naughty-y0ung-teenz!” “New Product Gives Women Instant Orgasms!” (How does that help _me_, though?) At least the incest and “farm fun” porn spam has stopped. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/17 "2003-01-12T01:06:21Z")
I once got one about “nympho virgins” which led me to wonder – if they’re virgins, how do we know they’re nymphos, and if they’re nymphos, how come they’re still virgins? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/18 "2003-01-12T13:14:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muad’Dib \* > \*\*Actually **Opal** , I just got one about _you_. \*\* :eek: Oh shit! My secret is out!!! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/19 "2003-01-12T13:29:19Z")
Your thread title seems a pretty good porn title: “What Have You Got in Your Inbox?” ---
**Author:** ![flapcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@flapcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flapcats)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948/20 "2003-01-12T14:38:18Z")
Filtered by Hotmail’s bulk mail today: Subject: Sickoo Teeen Farm SexFeest (sent by Winona) Subject: © Dark Angel Fuck Pics Subject: Sickoo Teeen Farm SexFeest And finally, my fav today: Subject: Pussy Eatiing Dog Is that a dog that eats cat or a cat that eats dogs? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-porn-spam-titles-what-have-you-got-in-your-inbox/147948.md?page=2)