# Stupidest things said in all seriousness **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 1, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410 "2003-08-01T18:09:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/1 "2003-08-01T18:09:42Z")
So, what are the dumbest things you’ve heard people say without meaning to be stupid? I’ll start with two: The other day, flipping through the channels, I came across one of those forensic science TLC type shows. As I paused in my flipping, the announcer earnestly said, and I quote: > [@](#): > > Killers often bury murder victims in unmarked graves I was floored. Really? I thought it was customary for the Jeffery Dahmer’s of this world to give their victims full military funerals! Unmarked graves, you say? Who knew? I came across this one today, reading about two Nobel Prize Laureates in Alaska who were stealing gasoline and attempted to check their progress with a lighter. Suprisingly, they caught themselves on fire, but that’s not the part that caught my eye. Alaska State Trooper Sgt Burke Barrick is quoted in [this article](http://www.adn.com/alaska/story/3554251p-3585385c.html) as saying: > [@](#): > > Anytime your clothes are wet with gas and your clothes are on fire, you’re walking a thin line NOOOOO! So, what are some of your favorite moments of abject stupidety? ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/2 "2003-08-01T18:28:12Z")
Almost anything said by sportscasters. “The \ are going to have to put more points on the board if they want to win this game!” ---
**Author:** ![Alereon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alereon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alereon)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/3 "2003-08-01T18:43:48Z")
[CNN article about the elimination of New Mexico’s Route 666](http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Southwest/07/30/offbeat.devils.highway.reut/index.html): > [@](#): > > Most of the 666 highway signs were stolen after the name change was announced in May. Officials blame thieves looking for souvenirs and not the Devil. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/4 "2003-08-01T18:45:22Z")
From the NY Times today, re the Pope’s latest contribution to posterity: "It also contained an admonition for Catholic legislators in bodies that are considering laws to recognize same-sex unions or permit gays and lesbians to marry or adopt children. “To vote in favor of a law so harmful to the common good is gravely immoral,” said the document, which spelled out, on its final page, that it was being issued with the explicit approval and under the specific orders of Pope John Paul II." Goodness gracious yes. Allowing people to form stable unions and provide loving families for unwanted children obviously spells doom for society. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/5 "2003-08-01T19:05:08Z")
Two words: [Dan Quayle](http://www.meer.net/~mtoy/dan_quayle.html). A few excerpts from the link: > [@](#): > > Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. > > Mars is essentially in the same orbit… somewhat the same distance from the > Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, > we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If > oxygen, that means we can breathe. > > Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is IN > the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that > is right here. > > I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and > democracy - but that could change. > > If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure. > > This election is about who’s going to be the next President of the > United States! ---
**Author:** ![TaxGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@TaxGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TaxGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/6 "2003-08-01T20:51:38Z")
The wife and I were watching a documentary on cats when the announcer shares the startling revelation that “Cats can’t read.” After about a thirty second pause, the announcer explains that cats can’t read because they can’t see well enough to make out individual words and letters. Oh, OK. For those thirty seconds, though, the wife and I were wondering if we’d stepped into some alternate universe or something where this guy felt he had to dispel the myth that cats are literate. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/7 "2003-08-01T22:01:41Z")
I love the Grateful Dead, and a few years ago was going to see one of the former members and his band when my friend and I had this exchange: Me: Who plays bass for Phil Lesh and Friends? Friend (hesitatingly, since there’s no possible way I could be serious): Um… Phil. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/8 "2003-08-01T22:27:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TaxGuy \* > \*\*The wife and I were watching a documentary on cats when the announcer shares the startling revelation that “Cats can’t read.” > > After about a thirty second pause, the announcer explains that cats can’t read because they can’t see well enough to make out individual words and letters. Oh, OK. For those thirty seconds, though, the wife and I were wondering if we’d stepped into some alternate universe or something where this guy felt he had to dispel the myth that cats are literate. \*\* Hey I saw that show too! ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/9 "2003-08-01T23:24:55Z")
So many of those stupid quotes attributed to Quayle and Gore are false that personally I’d need more citations that some random page of quotes from some dude who managed to make a web page. I find it hard to believe that either of them is that dumb, or inarticulate. For instance, a friend sent me this link, about Gore: [http://www.gargaro.com/algore.html](http://www.gargaro.com/algore.html) Mind you, I’d basically never vote for Gore, but I’m for being at least accurate about what he’s said. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/10 "2003-08-02T00:17:51Z")
Actually, what I’m looking for is more along the lines of the cat quote. Things that so much stupid because they’re, well, stupid- “If you die you’ve lost a big part of your life”, but stupid because they are true but completely unnecessary to say-“Cat’s can’t read”. ---
**Author:** ![ShetlandPony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@ShetlandPony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShetlandPony)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/11 "2003-08-02T00:18:47Z")
From the boys in blue… 'A police investigation is under way in Edinburgh after the remains of a man were found in a suitcase which was pulled from a river. Lothian and Borders detectives describe the death of the local man, who was in his mid-20s and who was fully clothed, as “suspicious”. ’ ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/12 "2003-08-02T00:22:35Z")
From the waitress at the restaurant where I had dinner tonight: “Our special today is chicken fennel soup. It is not vegetarian.” To do her credit, she explained that the people at the last table had actually ASKED if the soup was vegetarian. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/13 "2003-08-02T00:33:11Z")
I see this in sports all the time…one team is ahead by 20 points…"\ just hasn’t been able to stop them!" Well…yea. That’s why they’re winning by 20. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/14 "2003-08-02T00:35:29Z")
Spoken by a local newscaster back in the 80’s: “The body of a homeless man was found in a Dumpster on River Street at noon today. At this time he is still dead.” Whew! I was hoping the zombie infestation had been taken care of. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/15 "2003-08-02T00:38:03Z")
That sounds tounge-in-cheek to me. Or that really great dead-pan humour that can be misunderstood in print. (S)he may have been replying to a particularly stupid question. I am reminded of Swift, the former Acting Governor of Massachusetts, who snapped at a reporter on September 11th, “Two planes were hijacked [from the Boston airport]; I’d call that a security failure.” I couldn’t stand the woman UNTIL that moment. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Gretchen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Miss\_Gretchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Gretchen)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/16 "2003-08-02T00:40:08Z")
I have a cow-orker who refers to anyone with any kind of mental or even physical impairment as “retarded” :eek: Shaking from Parkinson’s disease? Why, that makes you “retarded” in her mind. She also describes gay people as “you know, having that dysfunction”. Oh yeah, she’s also not overly fond of Japanese people. Or Vietnamese folk. I’m not really sure why she bothers making any distinction, since she claims that any person of any kind of background that could be described as asian is “Japanese”. 'Cause, you know, they’re all the same thing, really. She signed up on an internet dating site and was outraged that people responded to her ad. “Oh God! Who does this guy think HE is? Loser! F\*\*k this pisses me off!” Lovely girl, ain’t she? And inexplicably, she’s still single! (And amazingly, all of these gems are from this week alone) ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/17 "2003-08-02T00:43:53Z")
I used to watch those nature shows on PBS all the time with the British announcer guy - he was always good for lines like that. ::Jungle tribe member shoots a dart at a bird, bird immediately freezes solid and falls like a stone to the jungle floor:: “The poison acts quickly…” ::Praying Mantis attacks, eats another’s head:: “The Mantis spurns her potential lover’s advances…” ---
**Author:** ![TeaRoses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@TeaRoses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaRoses)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/18 "2003-08-02T01:00:00Z")
Well, it’s a little more of a stretch but I always love net headlines like “Pope speaks out against violence.” Woah, that’s some hard-hitting news there! ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/19 "2003-08-02T02:16:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miss Gretchen \* > I have a cow-orker… As an aside, you ever read a typo wrong? I read this as having the first word ‘cow’, as is the animal, and began to wonder what orking a cow might pertain to. ---
**Author:** ![rumraisin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8e7dd6/32.png) [@rumraisin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rumraisin)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410/20 "2003-08-02T02:24:17Z")
Copaesthetic, ever read the Dogbert’s New Ruling Class newsletter? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stupidest-things-said-in-all-seriousness/192410.md?page=2)