# Sturgeons 1, Jet-Skiers 0 (news link) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2006, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999 "2006-08-09T13:06:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/1 "2006-08-09T13:06:18Z")
[Here’s the full story.](http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/08/09/jetski.sturgeon.ap/index.html) > [@](#): > > A man riding a personal watercraft was injured after a 4-foot-long sturgeon jumped out of the water and hit him, wildlife officials said. > > Blake Nicholas Fessenden, 23, was heading north on the Suwannee River on Sunday when he was hit and fell off the craft, according to a statement from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Fessenden was knocked unconscious. You’ve got to feel sorry for the guy. Just riding along and WHUMP! you’re out cold and smell like fish. But get this: > [@](#): > > A 31-year-old woman was hospitalized in April after a 3-foot-long sturgeon jumped into a boat being driven by the woman’s fiance. The pair was also on the Suwannee River. It’s escalating. A few months ago, it’s a 3 foot sturgeon. Now it’s a 4 footer. What’s next, 5 foot sturgeon attacks? 6 foot? Where will it end? I, for one, am avoiding Florida until this epidemic of sturgeon strikes ends. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/2 "2006-08-09T13:34:07Z")
> [@Lord Il Palazzo](#): > > I, for one, am avoiding Florida until this epidemic of sturgeon strikes ends. The scary part is their uncanny accuracy. They carry out these strikes with sturgical precision. Sailboat ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/3 "2006-08-09T14:13:44Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > The scary part is their uncanny accuracy. They carry out these strikes with sturgical precision. > > Sailboat Nice! ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/4 "2006-08-09T14:16:42Z")
A boater will roe the day they go out on the Suwanee River… ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/5 "2006-08-09T14:19:17Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > The scary part is their uncanny accuracy. They carry out these strikes with sturgical precision. > > Sailboat Bravo. Brilliant, simply brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/6 "2006-08-09T15:41:00Z")
NO! NO! NO! Fish puns give me a haddock. ---
**Author:** ![TJVM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@TJVM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJVM)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/7 "2006-08-09T16:39:36Z")
> [@](#): > > Fish puns give me a haddock. You can do [betta](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betta) than that. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/8 "2006-08-09T17:06:36Z")
The question remains, why are the sturgeons attacking. There’s a tuna possible reasons, but I think they’re doing it just for the halibut. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/9 "2006-08-09T17:07:49Z")
> [@Lord Il Palazzo](#): > > The question remains, why are the sturgeons attacking. And like most questions, it should have a question mark at the end. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/10 "2006-08-09T17:23:36Z")
That story sounds fishy. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/11 "2006-08-09T18:02:28Z")
I think salmon egged them on. Go, sturgeon! Go, sturgeon! …Oh carp! ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/12 "2006-08-09T18:05:32Z")
It was part of the conditions for the Sturgeons release by the angler, that they should smite atleast one jetskier/pleasure boater. And last I heard ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/13 "2006-08-09T19:51:23Z")
All together now! _Like a sturgeon Swimmin’ for the very first time Like a sturgeon smiting boaters by design_ ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/14 "2006-08-09T19:54:05Z")
Summer of the Shark is so passe. Now it’s the Summer of the Sturgeon! ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/15 "2006-08-09T20:37:14Z")
The poor guy on the jet ski is now hard of herring. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/16 "2006-08-09T20:58:58Z")
O-koi, enough with the crappie puns. People have been knocked on their basses by evr-larger fish. Even if the jet-skier had a steelhead, that still had to hurt. It might even have made him wall-eyed. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/17 "2006-08-09T22:46:52Z")
They’re actually a large crew of sturgeon pirates, taking over the surface peoples’ boats and shouting “CAVIARRRRRRR!” ---
**Author:** ![Etherman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@Etherman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Etherman)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2006, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/18 "2006-08-10T06:21:10Z")
The fish did it on porpoise I’m sure, they are known to play roughy, they are even known to krill. If that had been me, I’d have been baleen off that jetski, but it sounds like it came out of the blue. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2006, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/19 "2006-08-10T06:40:12Z")
Don’t make me get out the pike. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2006, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999/20 "2006-08-10T11:37:04Z")
::winces from puns and resolves not to let Mr. SCL see this thread:: I’m afraid that the carp which hang out around our dock at Lake Harding are going to find out about this. There is a feeding tube on the dock (a never-ending source of pleasure to my great-nephew) and I’ve seen some down there that are as big as submarines. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sturgeons-1-jet-skiers-0-news-link/367999.md?page=2)