# Substance Abuse...In Chess?? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 11, 2001, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818 "2001-08-11T17:35:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/1 "2001-08-11T17:35:26Z")
Heard a factoid on CNN just in the last hour. The powers behind international competitive chess are pushing for their sport(?) to be included in the Olympic Games. They even offered their members for competitive drug testing like other Olympic participants. WTF?? What’re we looking for in the chemically-enhanced Olympic chess player. Overdeveloped heads? Gotta watch those East German girls with the larger than normal frontal lobes. I guess we don’t really need the Swiss timing on this event either. ---
**Author:** ![Kelvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Kelvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelvin)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/2 "2001-08-11T17:43:40Z")
But chess isn’t the least bit athletic. Any game that can be played with only spoken commands isn’t a sport in my books. Weird… ---
**Author:** ![headshok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/3 "2001-08-11T17:48:23Z")
Olympic chess? Sheesh. Still, I’d rather watch that than ballroom dancing. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/4 "2001-08-11T18:31:38Z")
I could see a chess player abusing caffeine and other stimulants to **stay awake** while his opponent takes approximately six years to decide on his move… ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/5 "2001-08-11T21:44:23Z")
Yeah, gotta make sure they’re not taking Sudafed for their sniffles…:rolleyes: Next time I play chess with Mr. Tamex and he beats me (as usual), I’ll accuse him of playing under the influence of Sudafed. Or maybe even steroids. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/6 "2001-08-11T22:13:07Z")
Olympic _chess_!? Zeus wept. Not all games are sports, fer cryinouloud. What next? Olympic Bridge? Check for what…crustless sandwiches and mixed nuts? Not all games are sports–and most of 'em have their own tournaments anyway. Poker tournaments with killer players are ruthless as hell, but not remotely atheletic. Checking booze and nicotine levels wouldn’t be advisable either. Veb Who frankly sucks at chess but respects the game too much to welcome it being prostituted this way ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/7 "2001-08-11T22:36:44Z")
Bridge is under consideration for inclusion in the 2008 Olympic Games. Which leaves darts, shove ha’penny and bar billiards still without an Olympic platform. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/8 "2001-08-12T00:58:37Z")
Here’s the answer: TAG-TEAM CHESS! ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/9 "2001-08-12T01:10:32Z")
I prefer Relay Chess. You move, then run 400 metres over hurdles carrying the board (baton attached to board via hole underneath) before handing the ensemble to your opponent’s team. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/10 "2001-08-12T01:12:36Z")
The Powers Behind International Chest are probably referring to the abuse of creatine monohydrate and ephedra by various top-ranked ChestMasters. That stuff can be dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/11 "2001-08-12T01:17:35Z")
Chest? ---
**Author:** ![starfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@starfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/starfish)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/12 "2001-08-12T02:04:03Z")
I seen some Olympic quality chests 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/13 "2001-08-12T02:41:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Schadenfreude \* > \*\*Bridge is under consideration for inclusion in the 2008 Olympic Games. > > \*\* It’s official: The world is mad–barking, yowling, parrot-raping, howling-at-the-moon, glossalalia-spewing BATSHIT. Olympic Tatting. Macrame. Grilling. It’s damned pathetic when you can’t summon up something too patently ludicrous that it hasn’t been considered in deathly seriousness. And the world wonders why there aren’t stinging satirists anymore. In a fetal curl, Veb ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/14 "2001-08-12T04:33:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* > \*\*It’s damned pathetic when you can’t summon up something too patently ludicrous that it hasn’t been considered in deathly seriousness. > \*\* I don’t think that they’re considering olympic jenga. Yet. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/15 "2001-08-12T04:41:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ITR champion \* > **olympic jenga** Band name! ---
**Author:** ![Fredge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Fredge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredge)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/16 "2001-08-12T05:16:38Z")
To quote a famous song: I’d let you watch I would invite you but the queens we use would not excite you! ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/17 "2001-08-12T05:30:30Z")
As a former Magic: the Gathering Pro Tour player I can say that mental sports are no less tiring or worthy than physical sports. But (and here is that big ole but) the Olympics is about physical feats and not mental ones. Getcha Chess, Bridge and Darts outa my Olymipics! I want more 13 year old girls in tights doing acrobatics dammit! Oh wait… was that my out loud voice again? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/18 "2001-08-12T05:33:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dr. Schadenfreude \* > \*\*Bridge is under consideration for inclusion in the 2008 Olympic Games. > > Which leaves darts, shove ha’penny and bar billiards still without an Olympic platform. \*\* Darts and billiards are sports. I 100% support the inclusion of billiards at the Olympics; to my mind it’s a slam-dunk decision. It’s a sport played throughout the world with an international federation that determines rules and requirements for participation - the basic requirements for an Olympic event. Darts I don’t know enough about, in terms of the international scope of the sport. Chess isn’t a sport. ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/19 "2001-08-12T06:21:39Z")
ISTR reading somewhere that in many countries, chess _is_ considered a sport, though I’m sure it was in a chess book. Then again, most countries don’t speak English as a first language, so something could be lost in the translation. I agree that it might seem silly to mix something that’s decidedly non-athletic into a historically athletic competition. **But** if it’s a paradigm shift to lift academic pursuits to the same level of importance as athletics, then why _not_ support it? It’s not like chess requires a huge investment in equipment or is going to take precious TV time away from the ever-popular pre-pubescent girls smashing up their near-anorexic bodies. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818/20 "2001-08-12T06:27:46Z")
Maybe we could add a little modification and have… Full Contact Chess! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/substance-abuse-in-chess/75818.md?page=2)