# Suck it down, you drunken bitch! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 10, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791 "2005-03-10T05:01:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/81 "2005-03-11T02:07:42Z")
No offense to the OP, but I hope she _doesn’t_ go away, and he produces more excellent rants. You gotta suffer for your art, man. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/82 "2005-03-11T02:19:47Z")
> [@Dubious Sacrifice](#): > > Great rant! > > I little too much emphasis on her sexual affairs, however. It kinda makes it appear that you are jealous, in some sick, twisted way, and that you still harbor some feelings for her. Uh, yeah. I’m with you on the thieving, dui’ing, lying, bad mother, psychopath stuff. But the dirty filthy slut shit? … pffft. Naughty bad girl! Please. Comes off to me like just standard humiliation fetish porno. Lovingly crafted, of course. But there’s plenty of the same online. ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/83 "2005-03-11T07:25:44Z")
Thank you all. It means a great deal to me that my relentless assault on this woman was so appreciated in the one place renowned for slinging world-class venomous bile. To have so many illustrious Dopers step in and give approval to my tribute of a woman that taught me about pain and betrayal is a delight. It was a sorry schoolroom, but she was one first-rate teacher. I read the often superb and surreal contributions to this board and I want to run with you and dance in this courtyard of carping. I now look at her phone call as a gift. Frankly, I should be thanking her; the post was therapy. You always care for someone that you spend that kind of time with, even if it’s of the “Well, I wouldn’t want her to suffer an _eternity_ of pain” variety. She was a stunningly beautiful woman and a highly respectable (unless I was just suffering some form of delusion) person. As I recall it was incredibly painful to watch an angel with what seemed like a small drinking problem become sludge personified in so short a time that it mimics demonic possession. I had emotion and time invested in her and her daughters had worse to deal with as this was their matriarch. But that was forever ago, and I have long since put it behind me. There are no residual emotions either way about what she does to herself. I am certain that she hates herself for calling now and feels pretty foolish in retrospect. I guess it remains to be seen whether or not the booze will ever cause her to pick up the phone again in my direction. > [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > Wow. You should perform the coup de grace by printing this out and giving it to her to read. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with her, but I am certain she would gut me, de-ball me, and give me a Columbian Necktie and try not to get any on her shoes. I like your angle, but even when she _was_ an angel she was explosive. I don’t want to go back to looking over my shoulder. > [@belladonna](#): > > Am I the only one who thinks this guy’s spent maybe a little too much time imagining his ex’s sex life? > [@Dubious Sacrifice](#): > > It kinda makes it appear that you are jealous, in some sick, twisted way, and that you still harbor some feelings for her. > [@uglybeech](#): > > Uh, yeah. I’m with you on the thieving, dui’ing, lying, bad mother, psychopath stuff. > > But the dirty filthy slut shit? … pffft. Naughty bad girl! Please. Comes off to me like just standard humiliation fetish porno. Lovingly crafted, of course. But there’s plenty of the same online. I was painting a portrait of revulsion using Pit poetry. **Scarface Z** pretty much nailed it. My only real regret is that I didn’t take _one_ more moment to look my post over and make sure it was perfect before firing it off into the void. I even missed the formatting error on preview! Alas that is the nature of not being able to edit and it is also one of the more romantic components of the Dope; you get one shot, so don’t screw it up. It will haunt me for some time, believe it. Fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Scarface\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Scarface\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarface_Z)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/84 "2005-03-11T15:35:17Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > **Scarface Z** pretty much nailed it. I am touched… 🙂 **Euthanasiast** , what you lack in quantity, you make up for ten-hundred times over with quality. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/85 "2005-03-11T15:40:42Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with her, but I am certain she would gut me, de-ball me, and give me a Columbian Necktie and try not to get any on her shoes. I like your angle, but even when she _was_ an angel she was explosive. I’ve heard of _Colombian_ neckties, so now I’m imagining a variant on this originating from the District of Columbia… ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/86 "2005-03-11T17:39:07Z")
> [@lno](#): > > I’ve heard of _Colombian_ neckties, so now I’m imagining a variant on this originating from the District of Columbia… Nice catch. Funny too. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/87 "2005-03-11T17:43:09Z")
Well, people say that politics is pretty cutthroat inside the Beltway. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/88 "2005-03-11T21:47:10Z")
> [@Ghanima](#): > > _snerk_ _baron wasteland_ _snerk_ > > Otherwise, amazing rant. What, every barony is a lush green paradise? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/96bed5/32.png) [@Cat\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/89 "2005-03-11T21:57:38Z")
**Hunter S thompson** is dead! Long live **Euthanasiast**! ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/90 "2005-03-11T22:42:59Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > It will haunt me for some time, believe it. > > Fuck. If it’s eating you alive, you could try emailing a mod and see if they can fix a typo or two. Be sure to ask pretty please with sugar on top. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/91 "2005-03-11T23:01:12Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > I expect this is one of the top five Pit rants of all time, right up there with **Cervaise’s** famous telemarketer rant. I was gonna say, I think I’ve been bumped downward in the standings. “Root-weary vagina” was my favorite. Almost sounds like something Bukowski would have written. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/92 "2005-03-11T23:38:46Z")
None of this is anything Hunter S. Thompson or Bukowski would have written. Unless they were writing about themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/93 "2005-03-12T00:11:26Z")
The sad part is that if I had only measured myself a little better and taken more time to let it all come flowing out instead of posting immediately in an hour long key-banging frenzy, I could have gone into greater detail regarding all of the horrible things she put me through during the breakup: \*How she was successful in getting me locked up in the county for a single night, and the hilarity (well, I say hilarity _ **now** _) that transpired. How my only night ever served in jail changed me as a human being and how it ended up getting her in trouble for reporting a false claim. This could really be its own thread. \*About the lesson I learned when splitting up with someone already over the edge. Never, ever let a woman like that _know_ that you’re leaving until you’re already gone! \*The crescendo of embarrassment that finally caused me to leave when she showed up drunk for _breakfast_ at Shoney’s at 6:30 in the morning with my coworkers in attendance. \*what she did to my custom '62 Strat that would have made Pete Townsend cringe. The list goes on and on… I suspect this might have put this pit into low orbit. Ah, memories. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/94 "2005-03-12T00:15:24Z")
Hey, you already paid the membership fee, spill your guts…we’re all eyes here. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/95 "2005-03-12T01:19:04Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > \*what she did to my custom '62 Strat that would have made Pete Townsend cringe. Oh! Oh! Oh! :eek: The rest of that could conceivably be forgivable. But damn! I’m wincing just thinking about … ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/96 "2005-03-12T05:38:36Z")
Yes, indeed, the rant was a thing of wonder…bravo!! And you have obviously been hurt and damaged severely to still harbour such vitriol against her. That is a sad thing, and I do hope you come out of this OK. But I can’t somehow stop feeling some degree of pity for this woman who has been so overtaken by her addiction to let her life fall into the ruin that you have described. Her life seems to be spent looking for the next drink, and she is prepared to sacrifice her body and her entire soul in it’s pursuit. She doesn’t sound evil to me, just very fucken sick…enough to not only destroy her own life but the lives of those around her. Just so sad all 'round really. I wish all the players in the OP all the best. ---
**Author:** ![bookbuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@bookbuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bookbuster)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/97 "2005-03-12T06:05:36Z")
i printed your post. i am in awe. please write a novel. ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/98 "2005-03-12T21:49:53Z")
> [@uglybeech](#): > > But the dirty filthy slut shit? … pffft. Naughty bad girl! Please. Comes off to me like just standard humiliation fetish porno. Lovingly crafted, of course. But there’s plenty of the same online. There’s always a party-pooper, isn’t there? :rolleyes: Max. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/99 "2005-03-12T22:34:12Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > \*what she did to my custom '62 Strat that would have made Pete Townsend cringe. She didn’t … play a Celine Dion song on it, did she? ---
**Author:** ![Othersider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cab0a1/32.png) [@Othersider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Othersider)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791/100 "2005-03-12T23:28:28Z")
> [@Snooooopy](#): > > She didn’t … play a Celine Dion song on it, did she? That sounds like a worse fate than destroying it, which itself would be a horrendous felony in my book. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suck-it-down-you-drunken-bitch/293791.md?page=6)