# Suddenly besieged by the desire to procreate at age 40 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 7, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675 "2010-05-07T20:23:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/21 "2010-05-08T15:30:01Z")
I think it is a normal urge for us women. That “last call” of from our empty ovaries. I got it at 37 and thought better of it. ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/22 "2010-05-08T15:44:55Z")
All these responses seem to mirror my own feelings, from “don’t pass up this opportunity” to “take a chance” to “may not be prudent” to “DON’T DO IT”. These have been good to read- none of them are offensive to me. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/23 "2010-05-08T16:47:36Z")
> [@xanthous](#): > > All these responses seem to mirror my own feelings, from “don’t pass up this opportunity” to “take a chance” to “may not be prudent” to “DON’T DO IT”. These have been good to read- none of them are offensive to me. ::NOTHING NEW TO YOU ALERT, JUST COMMENTARY:: Nothing wrong with a child, but they don’t stay babies for long. Eventually, they become dreaded teens and dealing with all that at age 55 won’t be fun. Also, your life changes dramatically from being free to do as you wish to accommodating a small being. Expenses climb geometrically as they grow: nannies, babysitters, stroller, crib (etc, etc), clothing, food, bail, counseling, traffic tickets, insurance. . .it just never stops. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/24 "2010-05-08T16:49:29Z")
I just got done paying child support. _Stay away from me!_ ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/25 "2010-05-08T17:39:27Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Know that the _second_ your preggo test is positive, that biological clock will up and LEAVE. IMMEDIATELY. and will NOT help with the diapers. Are you suggesting that as soon as women find out they’re pregnant, they regret it? Because this has not been my experience, and I don’t know where you’re getting that from. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/26 "2010-05-08T18:51:29Z")
Does this commonly happen to guys to? Because the last thing I need is to approach 40 (good grief, that’s only a little over 5 years away!) and suddenly want kids. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/27 "2010-05-08T19:11:28Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Is it hormones that make women feel thusly? When I hit menopause, my periods just…stopped. Woo-hoo, I thought, glad that’s all over with, won’t miss it a bit. A year or so went by and one night I looked up at a beautiful crescent moon and realized, hey, all that uterus stuff is all over for me. It’s. all. over. And I got devastatingly sad at the thought. I’m pretty sure it’s hormonal. I’m teetering on the edge of menopause and suddenly I’m paying more attention to babies than I ever did before. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/28 "2010-05-09T00:16:52Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > ::NOTHING NEW TO YOU ALERT, JUST COMMENTARY:: Nothing wrong with a child, but they don’t stay babies for long. Eventually, they become dreaded teens and dealing with all that at age 55 won’t be fun. Also, your life changes dramatically from being free to do as you wish to accommodating a small being. Expenses climb geometrically as they grow: nannies, babysitters, stroller, crib (etc, etc), clothing, food, bail, counseling, traffic tickets, insurance. . .it just never stops. I’m 51, my husband is 53, and our son just turned 12. He’s teetering on the brink of adolescence and we are loving every minute of it. I feel as though having a child when I was older has kept me younger in outlook and motivated me to stay physically fit. At the same time, the maturity, patience and financial stability that have come with age have made me a far better parent than I would have been if I had given birth at 25 or 30. Whatever - I’d be the last person on earth to try to talk the OP into having a child, and I am a vociferous defender of being child-free. But **Chefguy** is making it sound like becoming a parent when you are older is guaranteed to be dreary indeed. That may be the experience some people have. But there are plenty of older parents out there whose experience provide ample evidence that it can be enriching beyond anything you might imagine as a childless person. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/29 "2010-05-09T00:25:44Z")
It’s quite unlikely that her hormones playing havoc at 40-- but it’s a feeling that a lot of my career-minded friends have/had as they approached 40. For most of them, it was a passing regret, but a few of them had children-- all healthy. One of my colleagues/friends had her daughter at age 44, and her son the following year. They are both healthy and bright. However, she had been in a committed relationship with the father of her children for about 5 years before having her daughter. All hope is not lost, but don’t jump into motherhood without thinking it through very seriously. It’s a major life change- people who haven’t gone through it really have no idea. ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/30 "2010-05-09T00:47:43Z")
A friend of mine went through something similar, and she started keeping a diary of “baby thoughts”, where she’d write on the days that she had the urge and how strong it was. After a year she reviewed the diary and found out that she had these urges only a few times. She figured that if she couldn’t maintain the desire to raise a child for 10% of the year, she really shouldn’t have kids. You could try something similar - it may help you decide one way or the other. ETA: edited for clarity. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/31 "2010-05-09T00:59:45Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > But **Chefguy** is making it sound like becoming a parent when you are older is guaranteed to be dreary indeed. That may be the experience some people have. But there are plenty of older parents out there whose experience provide ample evidence that it can be enriching beyond anything you might imagine as a childless person. Absolutely and good for you. I’m just pointing out the possible downside in this baby love-fest. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/32 "2010-05-09T17:11:24Z")
> [@xanthous](#): > > Curses! Foiled again! ; ) 😃 > [@CairoCarol](#): > > I’m 51, my husband is 53, and our son just turned 12. He’s teetering on the brink of adolescence and we are loving every minute of it. I feel as though having a child when I was older has kept me younger in outlook and motivated me to stay physically fit. At the same time, the maturity, patience and financial stability that have come with age have made me a far better parent than I would have been if I had given birth at 25 or 30. > > Whatever - I’d be the last person on earth to try to talk the OP into having a child, and I am a vociferous defender of being child-free. But **Chefguy** is making it sound like becoming a parent when you are older is guaranteed to be dreary indeed. That may be the experience some people have. But there are plenty of older parents out there whose experience provide ample evidence that it can be enriching beyond anything you might imagine as a childless person. What a lovely post. It was certainly encouraging to me as I embark on this journey rather late in my life. I, too, feel the sense that I’ll be a better parent now than I would have been in my 20s or 30s. Let’s hope that turns out to be true! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/33 "2010-05-09T18:03:05Z")
If you want to stay kid-free [stay away from this movie](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=db3Fifi8JiY). ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/34 "2010-05-09T19:07:50Z")
[quote=“Shayna, post:15, topic:538675”] Girlfriend, as you well know, I’m 48 years old and in the process of adopting through the foster system. **You don’t have to be fertile to have a child if you really want one, any _time_ you want one.** Ain’t nothin’ unusual about what you’re feeling. I wish that were true! I would LOVE to adopt a baby; they would take one look at my finances and projected income and laugh. Unless I meet Mr. Right this year (I’m 42,) I will probably never have or adopt a baby and it breaks my heart every day. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/35 "2010-05-09T23:05:37Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > **xanthous** – I am 47 years old, have never had a wife, & have no kids. > > Life has passed me by. Well, apart from how controversial this opinion tends to be (at least when people start applying it to those other than themselves, which I have not seen you do), just remember that as a guy, you can have wives and sire kids 'til the day you croak. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/36 "2010-05-09T23:43:10Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > …and sire kids 'til the day you croak. 🙂 In some cases, 'til the second you croak… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/37 "2010-05-10T03:53:53Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Absolutely and good for you. I’m just pointing out the possible downside in this baby love-fest. And I think it’s a good idea to point that out. The problem with compulsions like this is that they are often fleeting. I’m not saying people don’t have legitimate desires to have babies, but if you suddenly go from not wanting something to wanting it, I would be suspicious of that change. And since it’s a long term commitment, I’d want to make sure I was absolutely sure. I mean I’ve blasted people who hate iPads but suddenly feel they must have them when they see them in a store. A [del]baby[/del]child is an even bigger commitment. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/38 "2010-05-10T03:58:11Z")
The problem is the OP doesn’t want a child because she wants a child. She wants a child because she fears being left out. I know that people have children for various reasons, I hope wanting a child because you are “missing out” is a valid one for her. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/39 "2010-05-10T04:17:12Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Does this commonly happen to guys to? Because the last thing I need is to approach 40 (good grief, that’s only a little over 5 years away!) and suddenly want kids. Male, 48, no kids, no wife, no worries. I don’t know if my experience is common, though. And if I had met a different woman in my 30s, I might be a father now, and I think that could have been cool. I just can’t say I feel any tremendous sense of loss for not having had kids. ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675/40 "2010-05-10T06:06:49Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > The problem is the OP doesn’t want a child because she wants a child. She wants a child because she fears being left out. > > I know that people have children for various reasons, I hope wanting a child because you are “missing out” is a valid one for her. I boil it down to this: Should I consider having a child and finding out if it was worth it (and from everything I hear it seems to be the best/hardest/most fulfilling purpose a parent has ever taken on), or not have a child and potentially regret not ever taking the chance. That is a huge question. Huge. Like, mind-blowingly huge. Man, I need to hear from some parents who regret their kids- that would help make this a more evenly weighted debate for me. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suddenly-besieged-by-the-desire-to-procreate-at-age-40/538675.md?page=3)