# suggestions for servers/waitstaff

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-servers-waitstaff/254608>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [July 11, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-servers-waitstaff/254608 "2004-07-11T21:27:37Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-servers-waitstaff/254608/41 "2004-07-13T15:04:23Z")

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mhendo, I agree. I have worked at several places that added on some certain percentage for parties over a certain number and at every one of them the servers were informed with no ambiguity that anyone who didn’t point out the added gratuity or “accidentally” covered it up would be fired on the spot. A person who does that is stealing for himself, by extension stealing for the restaurant, and giving the restaurant some extremely bad PR should anyone notice – and people are not as stupid as some waiters must think.

I’m really hoping I misunderstood the “write over the gratuity line” suggestion.

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**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-servers-waitstaff/254608/42 "2004-07-13T15:06:04Z")

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> [@don't ask](#):
>
> It certainly works with kids. They are more prone to listen to you if you are making some apparently casual contact. Coaching kids sport I always found that things sink in better if they are explained with an arm around the shoulders.
> 
> How you could adapt this to serving I don’t know.

Servers better not touch my child (or me) without my permission! It’s a personal-space issue, and I’m in the group that does not like being touched. I’m certainly not comfortable allowing a total stranger to touch my child.

Robin

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**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-servers-waitstaff/254608/43 "2004-07-13T15:12:45Z")

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I don’t have kids but if I did and some waiter thought they could put their hands on them while taking an order, I’d have a word with the manager after giving my best Miss Manners raised-eyebrows, what-do-you-think-you’re-doing look to the server. That’s weird and WAY too familiar.

It might well “work” while coaching sports but that’s a completely different dynamic from the server/patron relationship. A coach is there to be an inspirational leader, teacher, instructor, and adult friend – someone the kids can trust, look up to, and confide in to some extent. A server is none of those things.

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