# Suggestions for ways to pick a new Pope **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 11, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970 "2013-02-11T14:18:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/21 "2013-02-11T19:02:01Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Whoever draws the black pickled egg from the jar at Moe’s. Thank you. I remembered hearing a Pope-picking joke but could not place it. I was thinking Monty Python, but that was bishops. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/22 "2013-02-11T19:07:56Z")
It is pretty hard to beat the Holy Smoke. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/23 "2013-02-11T19:13:29Z")
When the Coptic church in Egypt chose its leader, three candidates were chosen by the equivalent of the Cardinals, and then one of their names was pulled out of a container by someone who was blindfolded. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/24 "2013-02-11T19:14:48Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > How about one that doesn’t rape kids and even takes swift and decisive action against those in the church that do rape? > > Mine might be the most fanciful answer so far! I _knew_ there was a reason the Pope picked February for the announcement. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/25 "2013-02-11T19:15:53Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > If they’d do one of those caged-combat events, I might even consider converting. Papal Thunderdome ! ---
**Author:** ![Twoflower](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/twoflower/32/22_2.png) [@Twoflower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Twoflower)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/26 "2013-02-11T19:25:10Z")
The new Pope should be selected by the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody would expect that! ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/27 "2013-02-11T19:28:33Z")
Everybody who’s interested in being the new Pope drop their names in a glowing goblet at the Vatican. Cardinal Dumbledore puts a “piety line” around it to make sure none of those pesky Protestants or Muslims are able to enter as a joke. Then the glowing goblet spits out the names of three (or maybe four, if there’s cheatin’ afoot) cardinals, who must then engage in contests designed to show who has the strongest faith, most magical power, and best hat. Winner gets the job! Hey, I’d pay to watch that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/28 "2013-02-11T19:29:53Z")
> [@detop](#): > > Papal Thunderdome ! _Highlander_. 'Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/29 "2013-02-11T19:34:21Z")
I don’t have any suggestions but this OP was fantastic 😃 Thanks for the laugh today! ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/30 "2013-02-11T19:35:27Z")
Shitting in the woods contest. Judged by the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Commission. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/31 "2013-02-11T19:38:47Z")
> [@Infovore](#): > > Everybody who’s interested in being the new Pope drop their names in a glowing goblet at the Vatican. Cardinal Dumbledore puts a “piety line” around it to make sure none of those pesky Protestants or Muslims are able to enter as a joke. Satan (who is Catholic, and could get through the line) would throw Betty White’s name in, and there’d be nothing anybody could do. They’d have to let her compete. Then she’d win. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/32 "2013-02-11T19:40:39Z")
Extemporaneous ‘Pope quiz’ ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/33 "2013-02-11T19:40:46Z")
Blood of Christ drinking contest. Between rounds they each have perform part of a mass. This would be televised, of course. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/34 "2013-02-11T19:51:58Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > How about one that doesn’t rape kids and even takes swift and decisive action against those in the church that do rape? > > Mine might be the most fanciful answer so far! Put them all in a room with a TV playing a boy’s choir on an endless loop. Last one to pop a boner wins ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/35 "2013-02-11T20:01:00Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > Shitting in the woods contest. Judged by the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Commission. Is that the commission made up of Catholic bears? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/36 "2013-02-11T20:09:39Z")
> [@detop](#): > > Papal Thunderdome ! C’mon. Can’t we get beyond Tunderdome? ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/37 "2013-02-11T20:27:59Z")
OK then. How about Papal Jeopardy ? “I’ll take Obscure Latin Rituals for $ 200, Alex” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/38 "2013-02-11T20:35:42Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > C’mon. Can’t we get beyond Tunderdome? I think I’ll be over Macho Grande before I get Beyond Thunderdome. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/39 "2013-02-11T20:41:20Z")
There’s a State of the Union Address tomorrow. I think Obama should go ahead and appoint a new Pope. My choice: Al Pacino. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/40 "2013-02-11T21:06:05Z")
They should just rock it old school and give it to a living Medici descentant. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970.md?page=3)