# Suggestions for ways to pick a new Pope **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 11, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970 "2013-02-11T14:18:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/41 "2013-02-11T21:07:30Z")
“I’ll have a Vente Pope-Pacino with milk and extra cinnamon. Thanks.” ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/42 "2013-02-11T21:20:51Z")
What about Pope Ye? He’s strong to the finish… ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/43 "2013-02-11T21:47:09Z")
Feats of strength and the airing of grievances. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/44 "2013-02-11T21:51:06Z")
Get ready for the Touch-the-Popemobile contest! Last person with their hand on the bulletproof holy wheels gets to drive it to their new home: The Apostolic Palace! There, the winner will kick back in his comfortable new La-Z-Boy Cathedra, where he will watch the world go by on his brand new Toshiba 65" HDTV with a year’s subscription to DirecTV and Netflix! The winner will also receive a cash prize of $0 to be paid out in equal parts annually for the rest of his life! Sign up for the Touch-the-Popemobile contest at your nearest Catholic church, or stop by McGillicutty Ford on Route 75, just south of Spartanburg to enter and get a free hot dog and balloon! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/45 "2013-02-11T21:55:33Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I _knew_ there was a reason the Pope picked February for the announcement. Thanks for that. ---
**Author:** ![Jungian\_Camisole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@Jungian\_Camisole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jungian_Camisole)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/46 "2013-02-11T21:57:44Z")
I kinda like the idea of Musical Chairs set to liturgical songs. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/47 "2013-02-11T22:08:13Z")
For a more serious answer, I think they should determine the pool of eligible candidates and draw lots. It worked for the eleven apostles who had to replace Judas Iscariot. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/48 "2013-02-11T22:18:41Z")
American NinjaPope Papal Wipe-out Celebrity Pope Who Wants To Be A Pope? ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/49 "2013-02-11T22:47:53Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > C’mon. Can’t we get beyond Tunderdome? Not until the new Mad Max movie comes out. I suggest a Steel Cage Ladders and Chairs Battle Royale match. Winner takes all ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/50 "2013-02-11T23:21:48Z")
Let’s not forget that the Pope came out with his own fragrance! Will they now have to put a minus sign in front of his Roman numerals? (You know, like in Modern Math, about as up-to-date as anything the Vatican reluctantly deals with.) ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/51 "2013-02-11T23:25:40Z")
Upon reflection, **Sampiro** , I think you should run for the office of Pope. - Nice flowing gowns and fun hats! - Good Italian food every day - not to mention the wine! - Pretty nice palace with some interesting reading material. - Rather large staff to help out with research and keeping the place spiffy. - Way cool balcony to make some fun announcements and perhaps do some singing if you are in the mood. - I am sure you have some fine suggestions to change a few doctrines and rules. - The best DopeFest ever…and you would have the money to fly us all there. Vote For Sampiro For Pope! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/52 "2013-02-12T01:33:00Z")
- A variation on Father Guido Sarducci’s “Find the Popes in the Pizza” contest, called “Pick the Pope in the Pizza”. A variety of pizzas will be made with the likenesses of all the leading candidates on them, using pepperoni and mozzarella cheese to create the image. They will be produced by Papal John’s and whichever one is ordered the most will be Pope. Or, - A dance-off, to “Oppa Gangnam Style”. We’ll call it “Pope-a Gangnam Style”. Whoever has the best moves wins. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/53 "2013-02-12T01:58:36Z")
[ul] [li]Contest to see which one can quite the most lines from _The Life of Brian_.[/li][li]Limbo contest.[/li][li]Any form of trial-by-combat in which we can wager _quatloos_ on the victor.[/li][li]Jousting tournament.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/54 "2013-02-12T02:08:29Z")
The replacement Pope should be whoever lost the most recent US Presidential Election. Oh, wait a minute, there might be a problem with that idea… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/55 "2013-02-12T03:12:52Z")
They could poke each other with soft cushions. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/56 "2013-02-12T05:11:09Z")
Like everything else, should just outsource the Pope to China. ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/57 "2013-02-12T09:53:49Z")
The Pope is supposed to be infallible so we should put all the Cardinals in one room with my ex-wife. She can find the fault in any mortal man. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/58 "2013-02-12T10:00:11Z")
Are there any cheesemaking Cardinals? Blessed are they! Or involved in the making or processing of any dairy products? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/59 "2013-02-12T10:22:12Z")
It should be announced on a massive international TV show, the decision having been made by the one man that matters, LeBron James. \*“Well, I mean, I’m looking forward to it. To say it was always in my plans, I can’t say it was always in my plans because I never thought it was possible.” \* \*“It’s not about sharing. You know, it’s about everybody having they own spotlight.” \* ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/60 "2013-02-12T11:13:50Z")
A fight to the death with silver hammers. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970.md?page=4)