# Suggestions for ways to pick a new Pope **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 11, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970 "2013-02-11T14:18:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/61 "2013-02-12T13:52:53Z")
[QUOTE=DMark] Vote For Sampiro For Pope! [/QUOTE] I tried to be a priest once. The bastards wouldn’t even budge on the part about being Catholic, even when I pointed out my First Amendment rights (which apparently they just pretend don’t even exist in Rome) so I refuse to work for them now. Though if I did become Pope I think it’d be fun to issue fiats and speak ex-cathedra via Snapchat. ---
**Author:** ![Evin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@Evin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evin)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/62 "2013-02-12T14:05:36Z")
Current odd at Ladbrokes: Religion / Next Pope To become the next Pope Time Event Selection Odds More 18:00 Who Will be The Next Pope? Cardinal Marc Ouellet 3/1 Cardinal Peter Kodwo Appiah Turkson 4/1 Cardinal Francis Arinze 5/1 Cardinal Angelo Scola 5/1 Cardinal Leonardo Sandri 7/1 Archbishop Gianfranco Ravasi 9/1 Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga 11/1 Cardinal Angelo Bagnasco 12/1 Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone 16/1 Cardinal Odilo Pedro Scherer 16/1 Cardinal Claudio Hummes 20/1 Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn 20/1 Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio 33/1 Cardinal Dionigi Tettamanzi 33/1 Cardinal Timothy Dolan 33/1 Cardinal Canizares Llovera 33/1 Cardinal Malcolm Ranjith 33/1 Cardinal Renato Martino 33/1 Cardinal Piero Marini 33/1 Cardinal Wilfred Fox Napier 40/1 ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/63 "2013-02-12T14:51:12Z")
The cardinal with the most Twitter followers wins! ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/64 "2013-02-12T16:09:49Z")
Have a host-eating contest: Pope vs Food Divide candidates into groups of five and see if they can say what the “survey said” in elimination rounds of Papal Feud. Each candidate gets a blind leper. Whoever can heal the sick gets to advance to the next round. Candidates compete in ten athletic events, to be called the Popeathlon. Candidates try to cross an obstacle course in Papal Ninja Warriors. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/65 "2013-02-12T16:12:52Z")
Has anyone suggested “eating bugs”? ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/66 "2013-02-12T16:38:16Z")
Swimsuit competition. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/67 "2013-02-12T16:59:55Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Swimsuit competition. Yeesh! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/68 "2013-02-12T17:13:09Z")
> [@detop](#): > > Papal Thunderdome ! Two Cardinals enter, one Pope leaves! ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/69 "2013-02-12T17:21:11Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Swimsuit competition. I think you’re onto something. Everybody knows a witch floats and they are evil. Really, everybody knows that. So the Pope, who is good, must therefore sink. Throw all the candidates in a pool and the first one to the bottom, meaning the most good, is the Pope. ---
**Author:** ![sohvan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sohvan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sohvan)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/70 "2013-02-12T17:21:40Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Swimsuit competition. Followed by mudwrestling. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/71 "2013-02-12T17:27:43Z")
Singing the Lord’s Prayer with a shock collar on while Steve-o zaps him. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/72 "2013-02-12T18:23:46Z")
Papal Bull Riding Rodeo. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/73 "2013-02-12T20:37:07Z")
Pope Opera: Whoever can sing the most songs from different operas wins ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2013, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/74 "2013-02-12T23:35:33Z")
Kendo duel at dawn, winner becomes Samurai Pope. ---
**Author:** ![Jungian\_Camisole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@Jungian\_Camisole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jungian_Camisole)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/75 "2013-02-13T00:16:27Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Though if I did become Pope I think it’d be fun to issue fiats and speak ex-cathedra via Snapchat. I read this thinking you were going to issue _flats_. I thought to myself, “Cool! Pope Sampiro’s gonna buy me some new shoes!”. But not the red Prada Pope shoes. They’re a little too showy. ---
**Author:** ![Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harvey_The_Heavy)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2013, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/76 "2013-02-13T00:33:30Z")
Trans-Continental Road Race. First one to New Los Angeles is pope. Italian cars only. Protestants and Muslims are worth double points. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2013, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/77 "2013-02-13T03:16:34Z")
Back in college, we played Quarters. You’d let a quarter roll down your nose, bounce once on the table and (hopefully) land in a shot glass of beer. If the quarter missed, you had to drink the shot. If it dunked, you chose who had to drink it. Maybe they could play that with holy wine and those little wafers. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2013, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/78 "2013-02-13T04:36:00Z")
Make Sarah Palin Pope and Benedict governor of Alaska. Get two wacky reality shows out of the deal. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/79 "2013-02-16T23:02:23Z")
> [@Harvey\_The\_Heavy](#): > > Trans-Continental Road Race. First one to New Los Angeles is pope. Italian cars only. Protestants and Muslims are worth double points. I’d pick the Borgia 911. Fast AND deadly. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970/80 "2013-02-17T00:16:25Z")
What, no points for Jews? Well, that’s the Catholic church for ya. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suggestions-for-ways-to-pick-a-new-pope/649970.md?page=5)