# Suicide and drama - shit **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2017, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127 "2017-01-25T07:17:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/1 "2017-01-25T07:17:12Z")
So we got a call on Monday morning, right after midnight. My wifes son, her first child, killed himself. I’ll call him T. My wife married her first husband, we’ll call him Jackass, at 17. They ended up having three kids. He was very abusive, liked beating people including my wife. She ended up leaving him but got absolutely screwed in the divorce when she was about 21. You see, it was a very small town down south and the judge in the divorce case was Jackasses cousin. Anyway, she started paying support and doing all the right things. Then my wifes father died. She told her ex that she was going to the funeral and was taking the kids with her and would be back after the funeral. He said ok. When she got back from the funeral he had her arrested for leaving the state. There was a lot more of that type of shit (and I have stories on all sorts of other crap Jackass has pulled on other people, the guy is a piece of shit. I checked his arrest record and him and his wife have all sorts of shit, DUI, kiting checks, theft, etc). After all this, my wife finally gave up. She was alone, 21, no real job, no real family in a small town down south. So she left town. Jackass made her getting to see her kids a full on nightmare. He’d call the police on her for imaginary issues. He’d claim she didn’t take the kids back, that she wasn’t taking care of them, that she was selling drugs, etc. All of it bullshit. She gave up after years of this. Some time passed and we met. She told me about the situation with Jackass and her kids. We contacted the kids and she picked up the pieces. Jackass got pissed and made all kinds of threats but this time my wife had backing and wasn’t a scared kid. So things got much better with her and her kids. T, after a little while, told my wife and I that he was abused by Jackass. Beatings and that sort of thing. My wifes daughters confirmed this. But for some odd reason, instead of getting the hell away from Jackass, T tried to remain close to his father and step mother (Oh, another nifty fact. Jackass cheated on my wife with his present wife, we will call her B. The really disturbing thing is that Jackass was 27 and B was 16). Anyway, T had lots of issues. We tried to help the best we could. T joined the military but was released shortly after boot camp for PTSD. Think about that for a second, the military released a 22 year old kid who just got out of boot camp for PTSD. How in the hell does that happen to a 22 year old kid? T bounced around a bit. He got in relationships and turned into the abuser. He fathered a child with a woman and had that relationship end when he hit her. He got a DUI. Some other shit along those lines happened. We talked to him and T started therapy. He got a decent job. He got another girlfriend. He seemed to be doing ok. Still had a lot of work to do but he was going to therapy, working on the problems and doing the right things. On Sunday night he was at a party and his girlfriend broke up with him. T went outside, called B (remember, that is his step-mom) and, with her on the phone, shot himself. We got a call from my wifes daughter shortly after it happened. My wife is a wreck. To make things even better, Jackass and B set up the funeral to happen very quickly and have been making all sorts of threats to my wife, via third parties, should she show up. My wife was speaking to Jackasses sister, who had been sorta ok in the past, and the sisters husband was in the background saying shit like ‘Come out here and we’ll kill you’. Another friend from down there said that Jackass is telling everyone he is going to have the police arrest my wife (for what? who knows) if she steps inside the town. Lots more of that kind of shit. On the obituary, Jackass listed B as the mother of T and didn’t mention anyone on my wifes side of the family. He has told people that anyone from my wifes side of the family who shows up is going to get their asses kicked. The thing is, he will start a fight. So my wife won’t get to see her son before his is buried. It is ripping her up. Additionally, B apparently is telling everyone that during the call T blamed my wife. Jackass and T are telling anyone who will listen that T killed himself because of my wife. It is bullshit. I suspect that T called B to ensure she was on the phone when he did it. If you are going to kill yourself and want to call someone, you are going to call the person you blame. Anyway, we aren’t going to the funeral. We are planning a rememberance out here. It is killing my wife but she realizes that we don’t need the drama. Sometimes I can’t believe what utter scum some people can be. Sorry this is a bit long and disjointed. Been a hell of a week. Slee ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/2 "2017-01-25T07:31:12Z")
Ddamn, **slee** ; that is some fucked up bullshit right there. Very sorry that your wife (and you) have to go thru this. My condolences on the loss of her son. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/3 "2017-01-25T07:31:46Z")
words fail me. Hang tough and keep supporting your wife like you are. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/4 "2017-01-25T07:42:23Z")
I’m so very, very damned sorry. I really don’t know what I could say - I’m just so very, very damned sorry. To both of you. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/5 "2017-01-25T08:01:38Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > words fail me. Hang tough and keep supporting your wife like you are. +1 Damn. So sorry - all you can do in this fucked up situation is try to be strong and support your wife. I hope for you to find a safe way through this. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/6 "2017-01-25T12:17:41Z")
☹ I’m so sorry. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/7 "2017-01-25T13:18:42Z")
I’ve got in-laws like that, which is why my husband didn’t attend his mom’s funeral (he, too, was threatened with ass-kickings and arrest) and doesn’t even know where she’s buried. I’m sorry your wife is going through this. It sounds like utter hell. She doesn’t know me from Adam, but tell her she has my condolences for the death of her child AND all the family bullshit she has to put up with. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/8 "2017-01-25T13:35:17Z")
Very sorry to hear that; best wishes to your family. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/9 "2017-01-25T13:54:00Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > words fail me. Hang tough and keep supporting your wife like you are. +2. You are a wonderful person for being there for your wife as you have been. She is a lucky woman to have gone from someone so bad, so someone so good ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/10 "2017-01-25T14:07:00Z")
(( **sleestak** & wife)) Is there any positive news of the grandchild? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/11 "2017-01-25T14:42:49Z")
The worst thing in the world is to have to bury your child. Stay strong for your wife. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/12 "2017-01-25T14:49:39Z")
> [@sleestak](#): > > T, after a little while, told my wife and I that he was abused by Jackass. Beatings and that sort of thing. My wifes daughters confirmed this. But for some odd reason, instead of getting the hell away from Jackass, T tried to remain close to his father and step mother (Oh, another nifty fact. Jackass cheated on my wife with his present wife, we will call her B. The really disturbing thing is that Jackass was 27 and B was 16). I’m quoting just this much, to make it easier on other readers. So basically, Jackass has done a whole bunch of horrible things. This seems to be his life’s work, so to speak. He has apparently done several things that he should have been jailed for, but wasn’t. He has terrorized people around him for years. He is clearly an all-around terrible person in every sense. And yet – **and yet** – your take-away from all this is that the “really disturbing thing” that he’s done is having sex with a 16-year-old, something that is legal in the majority of states! **REALLY???** I sympathize with what you’re going through, but you seem to have a really warped view of what should be called disturbing. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/13 "2017-01-25T15:03:29Z")
I think you’re overthinking it. I don’t think the age difference was the most disturbing thing the Bad Guy has ever done, I think the poster thinks it was the most disturbing thing about _that particular relationship_. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/14 "2017-01-25T15:22:18Z")
Family feuds are the worst thing. Nobody gains anything from what is destroyed. I wish you and your wife peace. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/15 "2017-01-25T16:58:52Z")
Jackass is what is called, in more technical parlance, a sociopath. There are lots of them. Really, really lots of them. I can tell you very similar stories about three other women that I know well, which differ from your story only in details. Sociopaths know very well that society, psychiatry and criminal justice have absolutely no way to effectively deal with them, and have a free hand to do whatever they please. ---
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/16 "2017-01-25T18:01:25Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > I’m quoting just this much, to make it easier on other readers. > > So basically, Jackass has done a whole bunch of horrible things. This seems to be his life’s work, so to speak. He has apparently done several things that he should have been jailed for, but wasn’t. He has terrorized people around him for years. He is clearly an all-around terrible person in every sense. > > And yet – **and yet** – your take-away from all this is that the “really disturbing thing” that he’s done is having sex with a 16-year-old, something that is legal in the majority of states! > > **REALLY???** > > I sympathize with what you’re going through, but you seem to have a really warped view of what should be called disturbing. Context is your friend. The really disturbing thing about Jackass cheating was that the girl he cheated with was 16. Jesus. There are times to be a pendatic ass. And then there is the other 99.9 percent of your life. The grandchild is with the mother. . Thanks eveyone for your thoughts. I am just trying to keep my wife going. We have twin 15 month old boys and they are helping a lot, just by being. I am also setting up a counsoler today. This is above my head. Slee ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/17 "2017-01-25T21:04:26Z")
Jebus. I get frazzled by what my kids go through, but this puts it in perspective. Best wishes to you guys. ---
**Author:** ![snoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@snoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snoe)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/18 "2017-01-25T21:13:20Z")
I’m so sorry. That’s an awful situation. It sounds like you and your wife are doing the best you can given the circumstances. I’ve lost friends to suicide, but I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose your child and then be turned away from his funeral. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2017, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/19 "2017-01-25T22:14:14Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > words fail me. Hang tough and keep supporting your wife like you are. +3, **slee**. So so sorry for you and your wife to be going through this. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2017, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127/20 "2017-01-26T02:09:02Z")
**sleestak** , sounds like you are doing all the right things. I hope your wife gets through this okay, and you too. I don’t know your names, but God does. He’ll know who I mean when I throw out some prayers that **slee** and his wife are able to handle this. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-and-drama-shit/778127.md?page=2)