# Suicide by masturbation **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2016, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498 "2016-01-28T15:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/1 "2016-01-28T15:45:39Z")
Dude’s on the expressway at 3 in the morning, slips his pants off, decides to pull a little porno up on the old Samsung Galaxy, begins to make love to himself. [Needless to say, he crashed and died.](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/car-crash/pantless-man-in-fatal-crash-639205) That’s probably gonna go down as one of the most awkward memorial services ever. His poor mother. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/2 "2016-01-28T16:15:03Z")
snu-snu NOT snu-you. death by mangled meme, just sad. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/3 "2016-01-28T16:27:27Z")
Well, at least he died doing what he loved. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/4 "2016-01-28T16:32:09Z")
Don’t that beat all. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/5 "2016-01-28T16:35:17Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > That’s probably gonna go down as one of the most awkward memorial services ever. His poor mother. It could be said he died of a stroke. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/6 "2016-01-28T16:38:12Z")
Let’s be fair. All we know _for sure_ is that he was pantsless and watching porn at the time of death. It may be a _logical deduction_ that he was engaging in a little self-arousal, but we have no way of knowing that. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/7 "2016-01-28T16:43:19Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > Let’s be fair. All we know _for sure_ is that he was pantsless and watching porn at the time of death. It may be a _logical deduction_ that he was engaging in a little self-arousal, but we have no way of knowing that. He was observed shifting into 3rd 28 times in a row…and the vehicle was an automatic. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/8 "2016-01-28T16:44:21Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > Let’s be fair. All we know _for sure_ is that he was pantsless and watching porn at the time of death. It may be a _logical deduction_ that he was engaging in a little self-arousal, but we have no way of knowing that. I understand he had his hands in the 2 o’clock and 6 o’clock positions. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/9 "2016-01-28T17:01:54Z")
I’ve heard of autoerotic asphyxiation, but not auto erotic driver destruction. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/10 "2016-01-28T17:06:33Z")
Heh, the article says he was “partially ejected.” ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/11 "2016-01-28T17:12:03Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > I understand he had his hands in the 2 o’clock and 6 o’clock positions. Well, it was more of 6 o’clock-7 o’clock-6 o’clock-7 o’clock-6 o’clock-7 o’clock… ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/12 "2016-01-28T17:27:30Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > Let’s be fair. All we know _for sure_ is that he was pantsless and watching porn at the time of death. It may be a _logical deduction_ that he was engaging in a little self-arousal, but we have no way of knowing that. Fox 2 Detroit says the Michigan State Police told them. Question is, how did MSP know? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/13 "2016-01-28T17:28:50Z")
[Spicoli] “You… DICK!!!” [Spicoli] ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/14 "2016-01-28T17:36:10Z")
There may have been some … forensic evidence, if you catch my drift. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/15 "2016-01-28T17:49:00Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > There may have been some … forensic evidence, if you catch my drift. His cuming led to his going? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/16 "2016-01-28T17:54:51Z")
Priming the cylinder, was he? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/17 "2016-01-28T17:57:52Z")
The lead in the water around there seems to be awfully fast-acting. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/18 "2016-01-28T18:10:22Z")
If this isn’t a ready-made PSA about the benefits of self-driving cars, I don’t know what is. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/19 "2016-01-28T18:46:04Z")
The last line of that story just screams WKRP: _And the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity._ I wonder if the cops will ever reveal exactly what kind of porn he was watching? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/20 "2016-01-28T19:12:30Z")
I blame the authorities. Check all the sties for [the Michigan DMV driving test](https://www.google.com/search?q=micigan+driving+test#newwindow=1&q=michigan+driving+test) and there appears to be no attention paid to this important driving technique. No wonder that it can go sadly awry. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498.md?page=2)