# Suicide by masturbation **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2016, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498 "2016-01-28T15:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/21 "2016-01-28T19:16:43Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I blame the authorities. Check all the sties for [the Michigan DMV driving test](https://www.google.com/search?q=micigan+driving+test#newwindow=1&q=michigan+driving+test) and there appears to be no attention paid to this important driving technique. No wonder that it can go sadly awry. Well now, of course, they’re gonna have to pass a law. One guy unable to stay on the road while jerking off to porno on his phone has to ruin things for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/22 "2016-01-28T19:18:15Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > It could be said he died of a stroke. My guess is a bunch of them following in rapid succession. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/23 "2016-01-28T19:19:19Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I blame the authorities. Check all the sties for [the Michigan DMV driving test](https://www.google.com/search?q=micigan+driving+test#newwindow=1&q=michigan+driving+test) and there appears to be no attention paid to this important driving technique. No wonder that it can go sadly awry. Do they even check if you can drive a stick? I once attended a racing driving school. All they ever talked about was the importance of the pole position. ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/24 "2016-01-28T19:44:28Z")
I remember years and years ago reading about an FAA accident report of a lightplane crash that killed both the pilot (male) and his passenger (female). The report stated that “… it was obvious from the positions of the occupants that they had been engaged in oral sex at the time of the accident.” ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/25 "2016-01-28T19:47:34Z")
\*\*\*Get your motor runnin’ Head out on the highway Looking for adventure In whatever comes our way Yeah, darlin’ Gonna make it happen Take the world in a love embrace Fire all of your guns at once And explode into space\*\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/26 "2016-01-28T19:49:12Z")
> [@Daylate](#): > > I remember years and years ago reading about an FAA accident report of a lightplane crash that killed both the pilot (male) and his passenger (female). > > The report stated that “… it was obvious from the positions of the occupants that they had been engaged in oral sex at the time of the accident.” Don’t wear Levi’s 501s if you’re getting road head. Iffn you get pulled over, it’s MUCH easier to pull up one zipper as opposed to buttoning four buttons. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/27 "2016-01-28T19:50:43Z")
From the thread title, I thought you were contemplating jerking off until you die. Sounds promising. ---
**Author:** ![Shinna\_Minna\_Ma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@Shinna\_Minna\_Ma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shinna_Minna_Ma)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/28 "2016-01-28T20:34:22Z")
Darwin Award! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/29 "2016-01-28T20:40:30Z")
Yeah, cars handle a lot better if you use the steering wheel and not the joystick. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/30 "2016-01-28T21:37:08Z")
First cell phone usage while driving; next texting; and now masturbation? What is this world coming to?! ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/31 "2016-01-28T21:39:57Z")
> [@simster](#): > > \*\*\*Get your motor runnin’ > Head out on the highway > Looking for adventure > In whatever comes our way > > Yeah, darlin’ > Gonna make it happen > Take the world in a love embrace > Fire all of your guns at once > And explode into space\*\*\* Thanks for the laugh, simster! All of you, really. I know that the poor sap is dead, but these responses are priceless. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/32 "2016-01-28T21:45:45Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > First cell phone usage while driving; next texting; and now masturbation? What is this world coming to?! Masturbation has always been part of driving; what’s new is using the phone to access porn. That’s just greedy. Back in my day… ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/33 "2016-01-28T21:46:48Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > From the thread title, I thought you were contemplating jerking off until you die. > > Sounds promising. I was expecting a poll: “Fer it, or agin’ it?” ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/34 "2016-01-28T21:55:26Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > First cell phone usage while driving; next texting; and now masturbation? What is this world coming to?! > [@Procrustus](#): > > Masturbation has always been part of driving; what’s new is using the phone to access porn. That’s just greedy. Back in my day… I’m totally aware of that, **Procrustus** , believe me. I was fishing for a funny response to the words, “coming to,” but I believe it was missed. 😛 And yes, it is greedy. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/35 "2016-01-28T22:44:08Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > There may have been some … forensic evidence, if you catch my drift. Well then he has _no excuse at all_, because once he achieved satisfaction he should have gotten his eyes back on the road. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/36 "2016-01-28T22:52:50Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > Well then he has _no excuse at all_, because once he achieved satisfaction he should have gotten his eyes back on the road. I don’t know. Sounds like a good time for a nap. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/37 "2016-01-28T22:53:22Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I don’t know. Sounds like a good time for a nap. Or a napkin. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/38 "2016-01-28T23:48:23Z")
So Mazda stops making Wankels and Toyota starts (even if for a very brief time). ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/39 "2016-01-29T00:16:57Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > Well then he has _no excuse at all_, because once he achieved satisfaction he should have gotten his eyes back on the road. _**I can’t get no satisfaction I can’t get no satisfaction ‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try I can’t get no, I can’t get no When I’m drivin’ in my car And that man comes on the radio And he’s tellin’ me more and more About some useless information Supposed to fire my imagination I can’t get no, oh no no no Hey hey hey, that’s what I say I can’t get no satisfaction I can’t get no satisfaction**_ props to the Stones… ---
**Author:** ![Nefario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/59ef9b/32.png) [@Nefario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefario)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/40 "2016-01-29T00:51:48Z")
> [@Lightray](#): > > Heh, the article says he was “partially ejected.” Yeah, but, “…through the car’s sun roof”?? WOW! :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498.md?page=3)