# Suicide by masturbation **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2016, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498 "2016-01-28T15:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/41 "2016-01-29T01:00:30Z")
And at his age. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/42 "2016-01-29T01:13:44Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > From the thread title, I thought you were contemplating jerking off until you die. > > Sounds promising. I’m living proof that’s not possible. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/43 "2016-01-29T01:43:10Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > First cell phone usage while driving; next texting; and now masturbation? What is this world coming to?! > [@Scumpup](#): > > If this isn’t a ready-made PSA about the benefits of self-driving cars, I don’t know what is. Just think. … Once we all have self-driving cars, what do you suppose many commuters will be doing during their commutes? Hint: not knitting. I predict darkly tinted windows will become a very popular option. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/44 "2016-01-29T02:04:15Z")
People always said he’d come to a bad end. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/45 "2016-01-29T03:41:16Z")
\*I remember every little thing As if it happened only yesterday Parking by the lake And there was not another car in sight And I never had a girl… Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night I can see paradise by the dashboard light. \* ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/46 "2016-01-29T03:54:10Z")
That was stupid. Everyone knows he needs one hand to drive, the other to hold his beer. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/47 "2016-01-29T04:19:25Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > That was stupid. Everyone knows he needs one hand to drive, the other to hold his beer. * * * I’ve been drivin’ all night, my hand’s wet on the wheel There’s a voice in my head that drives my heel It’s my baby callin’, says I need you here And it’s a half past four and I’m shiftin’ gear When she is lonely and the longing gets too much She sends a cable comin’ in from above Don’t need no phone at all We’ve got a thing that’s called radar love We’ve got a wave in the air, radar love The radio is playing some forgotten song Brenda Lee’s comin’ on strong The road has got me hypnotized And I’m speedin’ into a new sunrise When I get lonely and I’m sure I’ve had enough She sends her comfort comin’ in from above * * * Golden Earing for the win. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/48 "2016-01-29T04:25:15Z")
> [@simster](#): > > Golden Earing for the win. I was about to post those lyrics myself! All we need now is “I’m In Love With My Car” ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/49 "2016-01-29T04:57:39Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#): > > I was about to post those lyrics myself! All we need now is “I’m In Love With My Car” _**The machine of a dream, such a clean machine, With the pistons a pumpin’, and the hubcaps all gleam. When I’m holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, When my hand’s on your grease gun, Oh it’s like a disease son, I’m in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar, Such a thrill when your radials squeal.**_ Queen seems to agree… ( ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/50 "2016-01-29T05:09:54Z")
All right, I’ll play. _**Groovin’ on the freeway, gauge is on the red Gun down on my gasoline, I believe I’m gonna crack a head.**_ Zeppelin ftw. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/51 "2016-01-29T05:29:08Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > All right, I’ll play. That’s what HE said!!! ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/52 "2016-01-29T06:41:35Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > From the thread title, I thought you were contemplating jerking off until you die. > > Sounds promising. Well sure, with your screen name. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/53 "2016-01-29T21:47:29Z")
I think I’m most amazed that he was 58 years old. Good for him, except for the death part that is. Before I get blasted for saying that (heh… I said blasted) I’m not amazed that he COULD do it at 58 (hell, I’m 53 and COULD do it), I’m amazed that at 53 he WOULD do it. One of the gifts of getting older is that you don’t do quite as many stupid things. I guess he was working from a different code of conduct than me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/54 "2016-01-29T23:14:24Z")
OTOH, as one gets older there’s a lot less reason to NOT do things. There’s a lot more room to say “What the heck, f\*\*\* 'em if they can’t take a joke!” ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2016, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/55 "2016-01-29T23:30:05Z")
NVM. False premise. ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/56 "2016-01-30T23:51:33Z")
Had he lived, he might have done some serious time. Isn’t car jacking a felony? ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/57 "2016-01-31T00:08:56Z")
Master of his Demise ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2016, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/58 "2016-02-01T22:09:06Z")
Good thing he wasn’t using his iphone to sext and drive. That’s illegal. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2016, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/59 "2016-02-01T23:17:43Z")
> [@MacCat](#): > > Master of his Demise Nice. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2016, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498/60 "2016-02-02T05:41:40Z")
> [@MacCat](#): > > Master of his Demise I’m out! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-by-masturbation/744498.md?page=4)