# suicide e-mail. Please help. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931 "2003-08-08T23:15:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/1 "2003-08-08T23:15:35Z")
Through a site which name I prefer not to mention, I came in contact with a young man via e-mail. I don’t know him very well, but I think he sees me as a last resort. He’s planning on commiting suicide this evening. He has a valid enough reason, imho, but I can’t just let a person die. He doesn’t live in the Netherlands, so I can’t give him the helpline telephone numbers Help? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/2 "2003-08-08T23:22:04Z")
I don’t care how valid his reason _appears_, it still ain’t as valid as being able to wake up in the morning. Perhaps this is a point you could try to emphasize. How well do you know this person? Perhaps you could call a help line and pose this question to them? ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/3 "2003-08-08T23:23:00Z")
Please? It’s urgent ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/4 "2003-08-08T23:28:27Z")
Calling a help line might be a good idea, if for no other reason than to get some help for yourself in dealing with this. You obviously have an e-mail relationship with the young man, but do you ever instant message him, or talk on the phone? ---
**Author:** ![Magickly\_Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magickly\_Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magickly_Delicious)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/5 "2003-08-08T23:29:44Z")
> **[Suicide and Suicide Prevention: Risk Factors and Treatment](https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.suicide.html)** > > Suicide prevention methods are based on risk factors, underlying conditions, and best practices for preventing suicidal thoughts and acts. Learn more. ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/6 "2003-08-08T23:30:32Z")
**Worldeater** Not at all well. We just exchanged a few e-mails. Are there any help lines in the USA? [where I presume he’s coming from] Ofcourse I tried talking it out of him, but again, In this society he would be spit out if people found out his reasons. I’m sorry I can’t be more specific, but he told me in confidence. btw: The helplines here are closed. [fine help line, indeed.] ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/7 "2003-08-08T23:31:05Z")
If I were in your shoes I would call a suicide help line _immediately_ and ask them what the hell you should do, if you should do anything, best way to proceed, etc. Any other advice would be talking out of my ass, which I refuse to do if this situation is as serious as you claim. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/8 "2003-08-08T23:31:30Z")
Any idea of a city or state? Name? Anything to go on? If anything, you could get him to call [http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html](http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html) 1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-784-2433 It’s toll free. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/9 "2003-08-08T23:32:42Z")
**gum** check your e-mail. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/10 "2003-08-08T23:32:51Z")
Then call the local authorities. Are you sure you aren’t getting your chain yanked? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/11 "2003-08-08T23:34:08Z")
Problem is, Zette, 1-800 numbers can’t be called from all countries in the world. I know I’ve had trouble reaching such lines in the past. ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/12 "2003-08-08T23:34:36Z")
**Fionn** No messenger and no phone. **Magickly Delicious** Thank you, that’s what I need. Thank you all. I’ll keep you posted. I have to get back to him. Thank you so much. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/13 "2003-08-08T23:35:47Z")
Good luck, gum. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/14 "2003-08-08T23:37:20Z")
Good luck indeed. ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/15 "2003-08-08T23:37:25Z")
No city or state. No real name. I don’t know if I’m being yanked. I don’t think so. Thanks Coldfire, checking now. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/16 "2003-08-08T23:45:54Z")
Well better to believe he’s telling the truth and to be wrong, then the other way around. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/17 "2003-08-08T23:51:10Z")
I was thinking what **World Eater** said. I’m sorry you’re going through this, **gum**. Handling my first suicidal caller on a youth hotline freaked me out, even though I’d been trained to handle them. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/18 "2003-08-09T11:04:22Z")
Can an IP address from the e-mail be traced to \*_gum_’s contact? I know I’m coming into the thread 12 hours after the fact, and hopefully, it has already had a good resolution. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/19 "2003-08-09T11:53:49Z")
**World Eater** , I understand your skepticism and I hope that you are right – that he is not really suicidal at all. But _all_ threats of suicide should be taken seriously. **Gum** , I wish you luck in finding help and answers. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2003, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931/20 "2003-08-09T11:59:39Z")
Check the IP address in the header of the email/s. I don’t know what mail client you’re using, but “view all headers” will usually allow you to see it. This can also be done through the “options” of most online mail services. [http://www.samspade.org](http://www.samspade.org) will allow you to find out at least what ISP he’s using - scroll down to “IP Whois” and paste it there. You could then contact the ISP, or pass the relevant information to the local police. Good luck. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suicide-e-mail-please-help/193931.md?page=2)