# Super Powers for fun and profit **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979 "2007-01-22T17:54:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/41 "2007-01-23T17:34:13Z")
I’d steal from an X-Man, and have the ability to speak, read, and write all languages. If it has a meaning, I can understand it. Traveling the world and translating for the UN and other organizations is just the tip of the iceberg. I could help archaeologists decipher dead tongues, and decode messages for various intelligence agencies. If you want to somewhat stretch “language”, I’d become a computer programmer second only to the true cyberpaths. I’d speak C++ as if I’d been hearing it from the cradle. ---
**Author:** ![MacGyverInSeattle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@MacGyverInSeattle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacGyverInSeattle)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/42 "2007-01-23T17:41:59Z")
[QUOTE=Menocchio] I’d speak C++ as if I’d been hearing it from the cradle. [/QUOTE] Hey, I already do that! Am I a geek or what? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/43 "2007-01-23T18:24:45Z")
[QUOTE=Menocchio] I’d steal from an X-Man, and have the ability to speak, read, and write all languages. If it has a meaning, I can understand it. Traveling the world and translating for the UN and other organizations is just the tip of the iceberg. I could help archaeologists decipher dead tongues, and decode messages for various intelligence agencies. If you want to somewhat stretch “language”, I’d become a computer programmer second only to the true cyberpaths. I’d speak C++ as if I’d been hearing it from the cradle. [/QUOTE] With your super power, I’d love to see your implementation of “Hello World!” in Linear A. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/44 "2007-01-23T18:25:19Z")
My son and I were joking about this the other day. My power would mostly be for fun, though I could profit from it. I’d be Gastro-man, able to affect the gastrointestinal tracts of other people! Give Dubya uncontrollable flatulence during the State of the Union address. Make Cheney suffer from an instant attack of 10 day constipation. Give Hillary explosive diarrhea. My day job would be as the world’s greatest GI doctor, curing horrible diseases in a blink. Of course my son and I thought of how fun it would be to turn this power against superheroes. Imagine zapping Iron Man with noxious flatus so he was trapped with it in his suit? Or the Invisible Girl making extremely loud butt burps? How about giving Mr. Fantastic so much gas that he inflates like a blimp? The Flash would lose a few steps if you gave him trapped gas. Or make Superman projectile vomit right as he was going to use his super-breath. I know, I’m immature. But it made me giggle. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/45 "2007-01-23T18:36:22Z")
[QUOTE=erie774] My son and I were joking about this the other day. My power would mostly be for fun, though I could profit from it. I’d be Gastro-man, able to affect the gastrointestinal tracts of other people! Give Dubya uncontrollable flatulence during the State of the Union address. Make Cheney suffer from an instant attack of 10 day constipation. Give Hillary explosive diarrhea. My day job would be as the world’s greatest GI doctor, curing horrible diseases in a blink. Of course my son and I thought of how fun it would be to turn this power against superheroes. Imagine zapping Iron Man with noxious flatus so he was trapped with it in his suit? Or the Invisible Girl making extremely loud butt burps? How about giving Mr. Fantastic so much gas that he inflates like a blimp? The Flash would lose a few steps if you gave him trapped gas. Or make Superman projectile vomit right as he was going to use his super-breath. I know, I’m immature. But it made me giggle. [/QUOTE] As a man who just got over 2 days of diarrhea & vomiting, I am giving the notion of putting The Curse Of The Seven White Geese™ on you all the attention it deserves… :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/46 "2007-01-23T18:41:25Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Some days I’d like the ability to totally erase certain people from ever existing. I image some people would pay good money to have you use it. [/QUOTE] If you were particularly greedy and sadistic, you could also demand bribes from anyone who wanted to continue existing. As for me: being able to fly would make me very happy. I suppose it might as well be supersonic so I could travel the world, but mostly I’d use it for cruising around. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/47 "2007-01-23T18:43:31Z")
I would be **Fatmelter** - Everyone would love me! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/48 "2007-01-23T18:45:06Z")
[QUOTE=jali] I would be **Fatmelter** - Everyone would love me! [/QUOTE] Except for the pooor schmuck with the mop & the bucket, who had to follow you around, cleaning up the big pools of fat. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/49 "2007-01-23T18:46:40Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] As for me: being able to fly would make me very happy. I suppose it might as well be supersonic so I could travel the world, but mostly I’d use it for cruising around. [/QUOTE] You know, if your abilities bred true, you could get rich, selling sperm. And I guess that’s true of **all** of these, huh? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/50 "2007-01-23T18:53:14Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] As a man who just got over 2 days of diarrhea & vomiting, I am giving the notion of putting The Curse Of The Seven White Geese™ on you all the attention it deserves… :mad: [/QUOTE] You should have come to me sooner. I would have cured you instantly and then inflicted 7 days worth on your mortal enemy. But what the hell is The Curse Of The Seven White Geese™? It sounds pretty fowl. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/51 "2007-01-23T18:59:58Z")
[QUOTE=erie774] You should have come to me sooner. I would have cured you instantly and then inflicted 7 days worth on your mortal enemy. But what the hell is The Curse Of The Seven White Geese™? It sounds pretty fowl. [/QUOTE] Stop ducking the issue. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/52 "2007-01-23T19:06:23Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] Stop ducking the issue. [/QUOTE] Hey! Don’t be giving me the bird! It’s a-parrot waterfowl mood you’re in. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/53 "2007-01-23T19:27:46Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] You know, if your abilities bred true, you could get rich, selling sperm. [/QUOTE] It’d also be the death of the airlines. And of airplane-hijacking terrorists. (Who’s afraid of a group of five fanatics splattering themselves into a skyscraper?) Those would only be good things. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/54 "2007-01-23T20:09:02Z")
To go with the portal thing, I originally had the idea of being able to create little pocket realities, sort of like the hammer-man space post, but small or large pocket realities. I day dreamed all day as a kid about how cool that would be, to be in a store, and stick a candy bar in my pocket, but really open a doorway into a pocket reality I have created, and stash it in there. I imagined how cool it would be to have a pocket reality (Henceforth as PR) as a home, and be able to enter the little PR I created. Then the idea of being able to open a portal to and from the PR from anywhere I have been made me think about making a pocket reality 1mm in depth with a portal on each end, connecting two places I have already been. You could be the ultimate criminal, hop in your PR when being chased, hop out somewhere else and grab what you want. You could even start a huge criminal syndicate, by offering a place of asylum to all those running from the law with money. Your own country in a pocket world. Of course that depends on how real your pocket worlds are. Can they support life? Light just ambient? Etc. Still, much more fun than just portals. And really thats where I got the whole portal idea from. Stupid teenager day dreams. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/55 "2007-01-24T02:07:26Z")
[QUOTE=Evil Captor] I would be the Undeveloper. My power would be to take land and return it to its pristeen, natural state before Spade One was applied to it. I could transform Superfund industrial waste sites into tranquil woodland meadows with a wave of my hand. I could transform strip-mine sites into wooded mountainsides as well. I figure there’d be lots of work for me. And if no one was willing to hire me, I can think of a lot of cities that need cleaning up, that might pay me well to not transform their downtown skyscraper area into a park one sunny morning. [/QUOTE] Ha! Very creative. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/56 "2007-01-24T04:39:26Z")
Just had this thought. Let’s say you had the power of the Marvel character Multiple Man. You could hold several jobs at once and still be on vacation as well. You could go to school and pursue several degrees simultaneously which would increase your income. You could be a lawyer, a computer programmer, and a musician, and be dam good at all of them because what one learns you all learn. Of course you telepathically share experiences as well. While at work you can telepathically be enjoying all kinds of adventures and maybe a little afternoon delight. You can have all kinds of experiences you might not have time for. Some drunk in a bar asks you to step outside. Too bad for him. You get jumped by a group of muggers, and suddenly they are outnumbered. Fun and profit. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/57 "2007-01-24T15:35:04Z")
[QUOTE=cosmosdan] Just had this thought. Let’s say you had the power of the Marvel character Multiple Man. You could hold several jobs at once and still be on vacation as well. You could go to school and pursue several degrees simultaneously which would increase your income. You could be a lawyer, a computer programmer, and a musician, and be dam good at all of them because what one learns you all learn. Of course you telepathically share experiences as well. While at work you can telepathically be enjoying all kinds of adventures and maybe a little afternoon delight. You can have all kinds of experiences you might not have time for. Some drunk in a bar asks you to step outside. Too bad for him. You get jumped by a group of muggers, and suddenly they are outnumbered. Fun and profit. [/QUOTE] I think you’d enjoy **Kiln People** by David Brin. **Evil Captor** sort of took my idea. I’d be DR. DETOX! With a wave of my hand, noxious, polluted ground becomes pure and wholesome. It would work on air and water as well. Just transfer that superfund into my bank account and take me to all of your nasty areas. Of course, I’d make sure that my contract with the feds included clauses mandating legislation to prevent future messes. ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/58 "2007-01-24T16:00:49Z")
I find my entrepreneurial stripe peeking out and I would want to be able to instantly identify an idea as either a good idea or a bad idea. I could save so much time and avoid so many dates and invest so much money… They’d call me “Mr Gibi” Good-Idea-Bad-Idea ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979/59 "2007-01-24T16:26:32Z")
I think _Carbon Sequestration Man_ would be a big hit right now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/super-powers-for-fun-and-profit/388979.md?page=2)