# Suppose I wanted my very own pet panda ...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [January 12, 2011, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326 "2011-01-12T10:59:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/1 "2011-01-12T10:59:34Z")
Assume the following (completely hypothetical) situation:
1. I’m really, really rich. Filthy rich. I go skeet shooting with tightly packed, flattened discs of compressed $500 bills. THAT rich.
2. I have a house out in the middle of nowhere, free from prying eyes, with plenty of room for the panda to roam around and do panda things, and I’m financially able to see that it has everything it needs for a long, happy panda life.
I started wondering about this when I read an article about how there’s a HUGE black market out there for exotic birds. Why anyone would want a nasty, loud bird is beyond me (I had a bad experience with a parrot as a child) - pandas, however, are pretty awesome. I imagine it’d be much harder to procure a panda and much more expensive, but not totally impossible since, well, bribery works and all.
So what would it take?
Money, of course – but how much of it, and to who? Is there some Official Panda Council in China that I’d have to pay off?
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### Author:  [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/2 "2011-01-12T13:04:05Z")
if you were that filthy rich you could do it legit. set up a non-profit foundation for preservation of pandas and hire some qualified zoologists for some type of research into how to make them breed in captivity.
Then buy them legitimately from zoos.
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### Author:  [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/3 "2011-01-12T13:36:55Z")
> [@coremelt](#):
>
> Then buy them legitimately from zoos.
It might not be that easy. IIRC, the Pandas in overseas zoos still belong to China.
Simpler than the above would be to simply buy a zoo that already has a Panda.
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### Author:  [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/4 "2011-01-12T13:45:34Z")
From the Panda wiki article:
“American zoos generally pay the Chinese government $1 million a year in fees, as part of a typical ten-year contract. San Diego’s contract with China was to expire in 2008 but got a five-year extension at about half of the previous yearly cost. The last contract, with the Memphis Zoo in Memphis, Tennessee, ends in 2013.”
I believe all Pandas outside China are still Chinese property, they are effectively rented out.
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### Author:  [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/5 "2011-01-12T13:48:13Z")
I can get you a panda, no questions asked. PM me.
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### Author:  [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/6 "2011-01-12T15:41:39Z")
the other thing is that despite the fact that they appear to be totally lazy meatsacks, they’re still big-ass carnivores and can dismantle you pretty effectively.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/7 "2011-01-12T15:44:06Z")
You need my express written consent, not to be confused with my implied oral consent.
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### Author:  [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/8 "2011-01-12T16:06:41Z")
> [@jz78817](#):
>
> the other thing is that despite the fact that they appear to be totally lazy meatsacks, they’re still big-ass carnivores and can dismantle you pretty effectively.
Carnivores?
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### Author:  [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/9 "2011-01-12T16:12:51Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#):
>
> Carnivores?
Yeah, even though they’re vegetarians.
> [@mw.com](#):
>
> : any of an order (Carnivora) of **typically** flesh-eating mammals that includes dogs, foxes, **bears** , raccoons, and cats; broadly : a carnivorous animal
Most definitely under Carnivora, and the convenient weasel word “typically.”
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### Author:  [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/10 "2011-01-12T16:13:02Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#):
>
> Carnivores?
They are carnivores in the sense of belonging to the order [Carnivora](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnivora). However, they are not meat-eaters.
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### Author:  [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/11 "2011-01-12T16:14:02Z")
> [@Giles](#):
>
> They are carnivores in the sense of belonging to the order [Carnivora](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnivora). However, they are not meat-eaters.
which is why they’re useless animals that do nothing but eat.
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### Author:  [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/12 "2011-01-12T16:19:56Z")
> [@Giles](#):
>
> They are carnivores in the sense of belonging to the order [Carnivora](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnivora). However, they are not meat-eaters.
Actually, pandas are omnivores. There was a good article in National Geographic in the early 80’s where researchers established that panda will pretty much eat anything they can shove in their mouths (even carrion)
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### Author:  [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/13 "2011-01-12T16:33:39Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#):
>
> Assume the following (completely hypothetical) situation:
>
> 1. I’m really, really rich. Filthy rich. I go skeet shooting with tightly packed, flattened discs of compressed $500 bills. THAT rich.
>
> 2. I have a house out in the middle of nowhere, free from prying eyes, with plenty of room for the panda to roam around and do panda things, and I’m financially able to see that it has everything it needs for a long, happy panda life.
1. Hi, **Opal**
😃
Seriously though, how dangerous are pandas? Even if they don’t eat meat, they still have claws. If I fell into the panda exhibit at the zoo, and assuming I didn’t fall \*on \*one of them, would I be torn to pieces in minutes or could I walk right out?
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### Author:  [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypnagogic_Jerk)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/14 "2011-01-12T16:56:31Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#):
>
> Most definitely under Carnivora, and the convenient weasel word “typically.”
Interestingly, [weasels](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weasel) are also in the order Carnivora.
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### Author:  [@Severynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severynn)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/15 "2011-01-12T19:23:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Seriously though, how dangerous are pandas? Even if they don’t eat meat, they still have claws. If I fell into the panda exhibit at the zoo, and assuming I didn’t fall \*on \*one of them, would I be torn to pieces in minutes or could I walk right out?
https://www.youtube.com/embed/oMpgcfiC3p4?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/16 "2011-01-12T19:23:22Z")
I have seen highly protected animal cubs in animal markets in third world countries, openly on display. I suspect if you were to head there with a fist full of US $, something could be arranged. How you get the thing home would be another issue altogether.
I think the ‘set up your own zoo’ thing would be the way to go. Sort of, legit zoo, with Chinese owned Pandas, up front, private, illegally acquired, pandas in the back.
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### Author:  [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/17 "2011-01-12T20:54:21Z")
> [@coremelt](#):
>
> if you were that filthy rich you could do it legit. set up a non-profit foundation for preservation of pandas and hire some qualified zoologists for some type of research into how to make them breed in captivity.
>
> Then buy them legitimately from zoos.
:rolleyes:
Come on, where’s the fun in that? If you can’t use your cash to buy people off, acquire illicit pandas and do it all in a shadily nefarious manner, what’s the point in being filthy rich?
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### Author:  [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/18 "2011-01-12T21:39:30Z")
> [@elbows](#):
>
> How you get the thing home would be another issue altogether.
Could you train it to hold really still and pretend to be a stuffed panda? Or (if there are rules about importing dead pandas) train it to pretend to be a \*fake \*stuffed panda?
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### Author:  [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/19 "2011-01-12T21:51:57Z")
The obvious solution is to [put a drugged baby panda in your suitcase.](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1306762/Drugged-tiger-cub-passengers-suitcase.html)
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### Author:  [@davekhps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davekhps)
#### Post date: [January 12, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suppose-i-wanted-my-very-own-pet-panda/567326/20 "2011-01-12T22:07:07Z")
The OP might not have any luck with a pet giant panda, but getting a pet _red_ panda, while challenging, might be doable.
[Wikipedia link.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_panda)
I sure wish someone would find a way to domesticate these things and breed them in captivity, because they are _dang cute_.
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