# "Surprised", Eddie? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 9, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595 "2010-12-09T23:21:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/1 "2010-12-09T23:21:49Z")
I couldn’t be more surprised if I woke up in the morning with my hair sewn to the carpet. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/2 "2010-12-09T23:56:42Z")
She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/3 "2010-12-10T00:20:53Z")
I don’t know if I oughta go sailin’ down no hill with nothin’ between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic. Do you really think it matters, Eddie? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/4 "2010-12-10T00:23:31Z")
Shitter’s full! ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/5 "2010-12-10T00:28:41Z")
Here’s the heart! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/6 "2010-12-10T03:29:04Z")
Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year 'round. ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/7 "2010-12-10T03:42:04Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year 'round. That it is, Edward. That it is indeed. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/8 "2010-12-10T07:25:51Z")
I’m different from other people: pain hurts me. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/9 "2010-12-10T09:24:48Z")
Is it normal if I dont understand even one post in this thread? ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/10 "2010-12-10T11:36:09Z")
I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery. ---
**Author:** ![Winnie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e480ec/32.png) [@Winnie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnie)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/11 "2010-12-10T12:44:38Z")
Where do you think you’re going to put a tree that big, Griswold? Bend over and I’ll show ya. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/12 "2010-12-10T14:37:54Z")
We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/13 "2010-12-10T14:50:05Z")
And, when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/14 "2010-12-10T17:53:44Z")
Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkeyshit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/15 "2010-12-10T18:41:16Z")
That lame-brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a toon. d&r ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/16 "2010-12-10T18:57:11Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Shitter’s full! Ah, yeah. Have you checked our shitters, honey? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/17 "2010-12-10T19:01:18Z")
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/18 "2010-12-10T19:18:43Z")
Grace? She died thirty years ago! ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/19 "2010-12-10T19:20:51Z")
Is Rusty still in the Navy? ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595/20 "2010-12-10T19:33:54Z")
Aunt Bethany, does your cat by any chance eat jello? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/surprised-eddie/563595.md?page=2)