# Suspenderzzz and the Stay at Home Moms **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 24, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735 "2003-01-24T22:47:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/1 "2003-01-24T22:47:47Z")
What exactly is the problem with you? It’s one thing to voice a (hijacked) opinion and it’s another to state it in an inappropriate thread and yet another to say it with such venom…and then never even return to perhaps explain. In this[thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=158370) you dop all four. In summation, **Clint in Wichita** asks if it is pathetic if fathers stay at home. He expressed his concerns about what others will think of him. Everything is going along hunky dory until you show up with this gem: > [@](#): > > The idea of stay-at-home _mothers_, on the other hand, has me seeing red every time. Wonder why that is… It riled me up a bit because that’s the kind of shitty additude people that stay at home parents have to fight against. You were asked three times to explain yourself and you never returned. So now I ask you here in the pit: What the fuck is it to you what parents decide to stay at home, specifically _mothers_? Why did you have to be such a dick when someone is asking something in ernest? ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/2 "2003-01-24T22:54:25Z")
Probably cause it’s a lame, conformist, bourgeois thing to do. See her recent thread regarding the insitution of marriage: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=153986&highlight=boyfriend+proposed](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=153986&highlight=boyfriend+proposed) Just wanted to say, that in my opinion that is a disgustingly anti-feminist position. Feminism is about choices, including choosing to stay home. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/3 "2003-01-24T22:55:29Z")
ugh. should have previewed. to clarify: In this thread you do all four. and It riled me up a bit because that’s the kind of shitty additude that stay at home parents have to fight against. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/4 "2003-01-24T23:20:34Z")
Hmmm…I’ve been waiting for someone to do this. Curious to see how she justifies not only the content of her post but also why she felt the need to hijack a thread with such a completely rude comment. God forbid a parent (of either gender) should choose to stay home and raise the child they had a hand in creating. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/5 "2003-01-24T23:33:06Z")
Ah Suspenderzzz…she’s a hip happenin’ modern woman who answers to nobody no how. I’ve got a great money making job, in a great city. I’m a smart, creative, strong woman. And when I have a child I will do everything in my POWER to stay at home. ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/6 "2003-01-25T02:19:16Z")
Methinks Suspenderzzz problem is that a mother staying at home would be closer to ‘traditional’ and thus worthy of her ridicule and contempt. I’m a little curious as too why she wanted to throw shit all over the fan. ---
**Author:** ![Akatsukami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@Akatsukami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akatsukami)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/7 "2003-01-25T03:25:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by miamouse \* > \*\*I’m a little curious as too why she wanted to throw shit all over the fan. \*\* Because that’s a very Bohemian thing to do. And she lives such an unconventional life-style that she sure won’t bother to clean it up. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/8 "2003-01-25T04:01:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by miamouse \* > \*\*Methinks Suspenderzzz problem is that a mother staying at home would be closer to ‘traditional’ and thus worthy of her ridicule and contempt. > \*\* I think you’re absolutely right here. I also agree with **Hello Again**. Feminism isn’t about insisting that women never do traditional things–it’s about making sure that women have a range of choices in front of them. Every family is going to make the choice that works best for them. For my mom, it was full time work, and daycare for us kids. It worked out great for all of us. For me, it’s staying home and working from home. For my sister, it’s work/daycare. Each family has made the choices that work best for them. It’s not a statement about resisting boring, traditional values, or staying barefoot and submissive. It’s about looking at what will feed and house your family and give everyone what they need to stay sane and happy. I thank whatever gods there may be that we have that choice. And I have very little respect for people who have merely replaced one “proper” way for women to live their lives with another one. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/9 "2003-01-25T04:17:48Z")
I think it’s clear. We’re all bourgeois pigs. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/10 "2003-01-25T04:26:34Z")
::_oink oink_:: ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/11 "2003-01-25T05:24:28Z")
When Mr P was the primary caregiver, rest assured this house was far more of a pigsty. But I guess that was terribly avant garde of him, as opposed to bourgeois. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/12 "2003-01-25T07:20:14Z")
Gosh, I’ve been waiting for over a month to add to a thread just like this one, ever since we were treated to **Suspenderzzz’** oh-so-“liberated” opinions in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=149876). A bigot’s a bigot. ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/13 "2003-01-25T09:09:43Z")
God, I wish I ould be a stay at home mom! ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/14 "2003-01-25T09:11:28Z")
ould = could ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/15 "2003-01-25T13:07:34Z")
**Bren\_Cameron** , if you can’t come to the Pit and NOT make sense, then just can it, willya? 🙂 Seriously, your post was brilliant. I wish everyone saw the situation with so much clarity. Here’s to diversity and the freedom to have so many choices. May we all make the choices that serve us best, and the nay-sayers take the hindmost. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/16 "2003-01-25T15:57:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DAVEW0071 \* > \*\ ***Bren\_Cameron** , if you can’t come to the Pit and NOT make sense, then just can it, willya? 🙂 > > \*\* Gosh, I’m sorry. I knew I should have had a few beers first. 😉 Honestly, this is an issue I feel strongly about. I consider myself a feminist, and I stay home with my kids. I get treated to WMs who think I’m stupid and uneducated and lazy, or somehow betraying feminist principles, and SAHMS who assume I agree with them that WM’s are neglecting their kids. It infuriates me to no end. (Not all WM’s, and not all SAHM’s, mind you, not by a long shot–just enough to make me see red when the topic comes up.) The truly conventional, bourgeouis lifestyle, it seems to me, is to assume that there’s somehow one proper choice, and then look down your nose at someone whose circumstances or personal preferences lead them to make a different one. You can be a fifties chauvinist insisting women stay home and bake cookies, or a well-off city girl insisting that women who stay home and bake cookies are anathema–but it’s two ends of the same pendulum swing, and all the same chauvinism. It’s ironic that Suspenderzzz considers herself so unconventional, and is so deeply wedded to convention herself. She wants so much to be free of societal constraints, and apparently tells herself that she is, but she’s just as much a slave to convention as the people she disdains. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/17 "2003-01-25T16:48:23Z")
Yeah, I agree with you all here. I am pretty much in the same boat as **Jar** … I don’t have a child yet, but I am doing everything I can do now so that when I do have a kid, I can stay home. That however, is neither here nor there in regards to this thread. **Suspenderzzz**. Ok, you want to be a feminist and not tied down to a man… Whatever floats your boat. While I personally don’t agree to your ideas about what feminism is, it doesn’t matter, you see. You live your life in accordance to what’s best for you and I will do the same. You can in to that thread purposesly to throw shit in the fan and you know it. Did you really think that the majority of the people here would not take offense to that? So if you want to fling shit around, have at it in this thread. I’ll ask again, though I doubt you you will answer: what is your problem with Stay at Home Moms, especially when it has NOTHING to do with your life? ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/18 "2003-01-25T21:50:20Z")
IMHO, she’s just a screwball. Like she said in the marriage thread, she likes to make fun of people who live traditional lives. Making fun of people who choose a different lifestyle than you do is rude, at a minimum, and sick, at a maximum. It comes across to me that she has to disrespect other people in order to feel good about herself. In the [post office](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=151406) thread she jumps to an erroneous conclusion at the beginning and stubbornly hangs on to a false premise to the bitter end. It was far more important to her to make me out to be a nosy busy-body than to even _consider_ that I was not. Re: the stay-at-home mom thing: I think she has real issues about relationships, and mothering, etc. She doesn’t understand that in a good relationship, neither partner “gives up” his/her identity, but that the two forge a “new” identity ~ sometimes I can actually feel myself and my sweety as being _one person_. And it’s not suffocating, it’s _liberating_. Sometimes I think she’s scoffing at SAHM’s because she doesn’t have the courage to do it. I had hoped, however, after reading her post in this [child neglect](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=154812) thread that she could learn that other people’s positions on issues could be valid even if she disagreed with them. I still hope I’m not wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/19 "2003-01-25T22:47:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bren\_Cameron \* > \*\* I thank whatever gods there may be that we have that choice. And I have very little respect for people who have merely replaced one “proper” way for women to live their lives with another one. \*\* This was so good, it bears repeating. 😃 I agree **Bren,** choice is what is important. It doesn’t matter what people end up choosing, that’s their business, but the fact that there is a choice is what enhances life. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735/20 "2003-01-25T23:10:08Z")
I just posted this in that other thread, but it applies here as well, so I am going to post it here also. I assume since I said it, I can post it here too? If not, mods please feel free to delete it. I don’t think **genie** would object, but if so…like I said, feel free to delete it. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by genie \* > \*\* My foremothers, btw, did not fight to force me into a career; they fought so that I could choose my own life, whether that be career, family, or both at once. \*\* Just wanted to **bellow** a hearty AMEN to this statement. I am sick and tired of people putting other people into boxes because THEY say that is the box YOU should be in. Whether it be a “You should stay HOME with your kids” box, or a “You aren’t fulfilling yourself IF you stay home with your kids” box. BOTH are wrong. Putting people in BOXES is wrong. When are we as a society going to GET that? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/suspenderzzz-and-the-stay-at-home-moms/150735.md?page=2)