# Sweet Mary Magdalene, is there no relief for the damned? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2001, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793 "2001-08-03T16:14:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/1 "2001-08-03T16:14:08Z")
Yes, you know what I’m talking about. The Weekly World News this week reports that [batboy](http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/batboy/index.cfm) has been hit by a truck. They haven’t put it on the website yet, but the article in this week’s issue reports: “He’s being treated in an undisclosed hospital…is depressed, sitting in bed, simply staring at the wall…he refuses to eat.” Batboy! NOOOOooooOOOooOOO {{{{batboy and family}}}} ---
**Author:** ![Fredge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Fredge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredge)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/2 "2001-08-03T16:21:16Z")
I was all set to join Jarbaby in sending best wishes, but according [this](http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/batboy/batboy.cfm?instanceid=10600), Batboy attacked a 10 year old girl. This madness must be stopped!!! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/3 "2001-08-03T16:28:09Z")
BATBOY WAS FRAMED. He’s just a normal fifteen year old boy, can’t you see that Fredge? Must you believe everything you read??? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/4 "2001-08-03T16:44:32Z")
You do know that there is a Batboy musical currently runing on off-broadway? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/5 "2001-08-03T16:46:41Z")
Well of course there is, and no wonder. Long live Batboy, may your truck injuries soon heal, that we may be graced with your big eyed, be-fanged smile once again. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/6 "2001-08-03T16:50:26Z")
Didn’t the truck have a radar detector? ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/7 "2001-08-03T16:53:22Z")
I just cant help but post the link. [http://www.batboy-themusical.com/](http://www.batboy-themusical.com/) …as if his poor life wasn’t theatrical enough… ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/8 "2001-08-03T17:03:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Didn’t the truck have a radar detector? This is funny! [sub]But bats use echo-location. Sorry to be all factual and stuff[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/9 "2001-08-03T17:04:50Z")
Batboy hit by a truck? That’s what he gets for [endorsing Al Gore](http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/batboy/batboy.cfm?instanceid=10607). Didn’t he learn anything from Ed Anger? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/10 "2001-08-03T17:48:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Didn’t the truck have a radar detector? > > This is funny! > > [sub]But bats use echo-location. Sorry to be all factual and stuff[/sub] \*\* No way. “Dem bats is smart. They use radar.” I suppose I could just have said, “Somedays you’re the bat, somedays you’re the ball.” ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/11 "2001-08-03T18:49:30Z")
Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah **BAT BOY!!!** Sorry, couldn’t help myself. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/12 "2001-08-03T18:55:03Z")
Didn’t Stephen King get hit by a truck a while back? Do you think there might be some kind of connection? Anybody know the address of the hospital where Batboy is staying? I’d like to send him something nice. Bugs, maybe. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/13 "2001-08-03T18:58:38Z")
Mr. Visible, are you kidding me? The vast outpouring of media and public support that would follow batboy makes sensitive information like that impossible. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/14 "2001-08-03T18:59:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Finagle \*\* > Didn’t the truck have a radar detector? Dude, that was fuuuuuuuny! As for mis \*_Bunny_, she’s just trying to throw you, you know how crafty them bunnies are. [sub]For some reason, I’m picturing Johnny Depp in the back of a convertable, wigging out and saying “No! We can’t stop here! This is bat country!”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/15 "2001-08-03T19:23:04Z")
Relief for the damned requires a very detailed procedure: 1. Dress in your sexiest outfit. St. Peter was a fisherman, therefore you should wear fishnets. 2. Go to your local Catholic church. 3. Put one Susan B. Anthony dollar in the collection box. 4. Light a candle. Pray, or at least look like you are praying. 5. Go to the closest bar. Order and drink a Bloody Mary, spicy, with a beer chaser. 6. Repeat step five. 7. Repeat step six. 8. Repeat sshhhttep shevuhn… 9. Try not to pass out in taxi home. Voila! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/16 "2001-08-03T19:24:49Z")
[dressed as sexy vaudeville nurse]: “I’m here to give you your sponge-bat!” ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/17 "2001-08-03T19:28:18Z")
Look, don’t you guys get it? Bat Boy is a metaphor for our times. His capture by the government and his subsequent escape are equivalent to our own loss of self in the modern hurly-burly world we live in. The pursuit by government agents is a clear corollary to the sense of alienation we have, and the feeling that we, too, are really being pursued by government agents. The story of Bat Boy nobly resisting the government isn’t just the stuff of a cheap X-Files episode - it is an example of the transcendence of the human spirit. Who among us can deny the pain we felt when we read that Bat Boy attacked that poor 10 year old girl? It was as if a little piece of innocence inside us all died that day. Driven to such madness by the constant torment and torture of others > [@](#): > > “The bat boy is just 2 feet tall, but he’s very powerful, very fast and very dangerous,” a scientist said. “He’ll become aggressive - and has become aggressive - anytime he feels threatened.” he was forced to lash out at a cruel, unyielding society that insisted on castigating him and denying him the simple God-given right to live in peace > [@](#): > > But freckle-faced Amy insists she learned a valuable lesson. “From now on I won’t never throw a rock at anything unless I’m sure it’s not a bat boy,” she vowed. Poor, poor Bat Boy. Even as he learned to rein in his animalistic urges and even master human speech > [@](#): > > Campus cops say the pint-size creature has tried to see Jenna at least three times, once by asking for her by name in what was described as a “weird, rattling” voice. in his vain attempt to woo the President’s daughter, he is still considered an outcast in our world > [@](#): > > “If he tries to bite or harm Miss Bush, he will be shot,” the Secret Service source said. This attitude of hatred, fear, and mistrust of the unknown can only come back to haunt us. By rejecting Bat Boy, we are rejecting a part of ourselves. Even former Vice President Al Gore, upon being attacked by Bat Boy, understood Bat Boy for what he is and had this to say: > [@](#): > > “I’ll probably have a scar, but that’s OK, because I know he was just trying to be friendly.” It’s as if Al Gore reached into my body and poured a dash of insight into my soul. Bat Boy is truly a Homeric hero of the ages, and like Bat Boy, only after a Campbellian struggle to find our role in the universe can we truly be at peace with ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sweet-mary-magdalene-is-there-no-relief-for-the-damned/74793/18 "2001-08-03T19:31:20Z")
Well…that. and he’s funny lookin’!