# Swiddle's Bitter Bitch of the Week! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 20, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631 "2000-10-20T05:04:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/1 "2000-10-20T05:04:59Z")
A while ago I posted [this.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=40654) The feeling has worn off. Partly because some not-so-nice things have happened to people I love, and, on an unrelated note, partly because I am just beginning to get really pissed off that the aforementioned gentleman has a girlfriend. Fuck him. It’s simply not fair. At the risk of sounding like a superficial snob, I finally find a guy that gives me butterflies in my stomach and he’s DATING someone? And a long distance relationship, no less. Fuck that. It’s simply not fair. And don’t give me that “life’s not fair” bullshit. I am really beginning to take this whole situation, known commonly as “life” as one big joke. Let’s see how we can screw with Swiddle’s head. I know! Let’s introduce her to someone she has real chemistry with, and then SHAZAM, there’s a girlfriend in Pennsylvania. And he’s visiting her this week. On vacation. Leaves tomorrow. And my reaction? Not “Gee, that’s nice. He’ll get to see his girlfriend,” as a good friend would. Not “damn, that means I’ll have to work more shifts this week,” like a normal coworker would. No, MY reaction is “A week without \_\_\_\_\_. I’ll miss him.” AH! Am I reduced to this? The person I have always hated? Whiney and helpless? I am jealous of a woman I have never met, over a guy I barely know. Is this really what I have to look forward to in the rest of my life, because if so, I’m just gonna pack a few pairs of underwear and become a roaming nomadic hunter/gatherer. According to my anthropology professor, they only have to work something like 2 hours a day. ps: I got a 91 on my anthropology exam, and am thinking about dropping my art class. And this is in the Pit because I needed to bitch. Feel free to bitch about your own life. I don’t care, I’ll be listening to “I want you to want me” over and over again. AHHHHH!!! I HAVE become the person I hate! At the very least I should be listening to Ani Difranco or Dar Williams or some other bitter folk/rock chicks. And whatever you do, don’t post the “you’ll find someone” crap that I keep hearing from my friends. Unless you’re Dionne Fucking Warwick, I don’t want to hear predictions. Or the dreaded “When you’re not looking…” crap. uh-huh. If you’re not looking around, you bang into shit. Trust me. Everyone’s always looking. I feel marginally better. Now I’m gonna go to sleep, and have bitter, angry, dreams. ---
**Author:** ![Ankh\_Too](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Ankh\_Too](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ankh_Too)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/2 "2000-10-20T06:12:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SwimmingRiddles \* > **I’ll be listening to “I want you to want me” over and over again. AHHHHH!!! I HAVE become the person I hate! At the very least I should be listening to Ani Difranco or Dar Williams or some other bitter folk/rock chicks.** Try the Violent Femmes. Cheap Trick is **way** to upbeat to help. Just an idea. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/3 "2000-10-20T08:13:28Z")
Hey, **Swiddles**. He’s visiting a girlfriend in Pennsylvania. I take it this is not the state you live in. Puh-lease! No more out-of-state girlfriend. That is _sooo_ over. I predict he will seem a little sad when he returns. This will be your opportunity to pounce! You own him! He’s yours if you want him! Trust me on this one. ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/4 "2000-10-20T10:55:42Z")
Hey Swiddles, Nice to meet ya, Hermit here. I won’t bother tellin’ you life sucks, guess you already figured that out. I just wanted to point out that the “hunting and gathering” thing is a lot harder these days than it was back then. Nuts and berries are hard enough to find, but roast beef and mashed potato bushes are nearly extinct. If you wanna cry in your beer for a while, go for it, but don’t go overboard for anyone. It’s ok to give a piece of your heart, but save the biggest part for yourself, you’ll need it sooner or later. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/5 "2000-10-20T11:23:01Z")
Move to Australia. You know I’m sitting here waiting for you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/6 "2000-10-20T11:36:09Z")
**spooje** , I like the way your mind works. **Swiddles** , screw the “listening to sad music in a darkened room” bit. Instead, go for a walk in the friggin’ rain and consider how “autumn colours” is just PC for “decay”. Find something to kick. Kick it - if at all possible, kick it into a pond or (preferably) a river. Calculate how big a meteorite would be needed to flatten Pennsylvania. Then either decide that a man who’d prefer a Pennsylvania long-distance relationship to you isn’t at all worth the heartache or - as spooje suggests - dive at him out of the sun with guns a-blazin’ when he comes back. S. Norman ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/7 "2000-10-20T12:07:59Z")
I’m not going to tell you he’s going to decide he doesn’t want her when he gets back from visiting her. I’m not going to tell you you’ll eventually find someone. I’m not going to tell you that when you finally give up and stop looking Mr. Perfect will drop into your lap with a box of chocolate covered cherries and a “Howdy do, ma’am!” I’m not going to tell you that you’re ridiculous to be angsting over someone you’ve never had and barely know. (Although that would be my MO…actually, my MO would be to read this, seethe over virtual pity parties, and not post at all for fear of being too much of a beeeeeznatch.) I am going to tell you that yes, you do need to get over it…but sobbing bitterly into your beer over Ani deFranco is not the way to do it. Sobbing bitterly into beer makes your eyes hurt AND ruins a perfectly good beer. And Ani deFranco (which I know I’m spelling wrong) is not the right music at all, my sweet chicalicious one. What you do is this: Get mad. Get fucking mad. The universe has plotted against you, YET again, and it’s not fucking fair. Mother Nature has a really fucked up, warped sense of humor and she seems to love testing it out occasionally on those of us who think differently. Get fucking IRATE at that BITCH who finds people who make you tremble, throws them at you, and then FUCKS with you. Don’t get depressed…well yes, DO get depressed, because that’s valid. But get PISSED THE FUCK OFF. Take off the Ani. Don’t even THINK about letting any more whimpering testicles or ovaries singing you deeper into depressive oblivion. Put on LOUD MUSIC. Pissed off music. The kind of music you figure people listen to while they’re cleaning their guns, right before they leave for the bell tower. LOUD shit. Guitars. Drums. Lots and lots of drums. Find some things in your house you can live without. Destroy them. Rip them to shreds, slice them with knives, burn them, jump up and down on them, smash them with hammers. I mean, beat the ever-mother-humpin’ FUCK out of these things. When you’re done, you’ll probably be exhausted. That’s when you run a hot bath. Get some bath beads, or bath salts (I HIGHLY recommend good bath salts over bubbles or oils), and make that bathroom smell like a harem. Get yourself a nice glass of wine or, alternatively, a cup of cocoa, and THAT’S when you put on gentler music (but I still don’t recommend Ani…no angst, no angst), lie back, and let yourself be soothed. By the time you’re done with this whole regimen, your head may be a little bit clearer…but, even if it’s not, you will have worked out some of that energy and may feel a little bit better merely for having done SOMETHING, you know? I sympathize in ways that you cannot possibly imagine, and that I cannot post about, because no one would have the slightest amount of sympathy for me and I refuse to hijack your pain. Anyhow, that’s my lame 1/2-cent worth (it’s not EVEN worth two cents, even I know that). ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/8 "2000-10-20T12:29:35Z")
Romance **sucks**. No one stays together anymore. _Til death or I get bored do us part._ Everyone **cheats** on everyone else. Screw romance and love and marriage. And **yes** I am **bitter** , I am very very **bitter**. (Walks off mumbling about needing a beer and a knife remover . . .) ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/9 "2000-10-20T13:11:53Z")
Nothingman- I disagree-keep looking ---
**Author:** ![Nurlman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Nurlman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nurlman)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/10 "2000-10-20T13:50:16Z")
From [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=40654): > [@](#): > > Hi, I’m Swiddles, and it’s good to be alive. From this thread: > [@](#): > > I am really beginning to take this whole situation,known commonly as “life” as one big joke And finally, from the 1989 Steve Martin film “Parenthood,” we have this: > [@](#): > > Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. > Gil Buckman: [disinterested] Oh? > Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! > Gil Buckman: What a great story. > Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/11 "2000-10-20T13:50:22Z")
Swiddles: There’s nothing like meaningless sex to take your mind off a bad relationship. Take it from me, girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/12 "2000-10-20T15:24:07Z")
Thank you, guys. Hamadryad, I really, really, really like the way you think. I am spending an evening with SisterRiddles tonight, which will be the first time we’ve been alone since the big blow up a few months ago. I need to talk to her about the first partly that I mentioned in this thread, (it’s not her fault, don’t worry. She’s actually the only person who can get me through this…). So that should be good. Better then spending my night off watching bad TV and eating Nutella out of the jar. Ironic that Rage Against the Machine broke up just when I could use a little raging, huh? Eh. I still have Limp Bizkit’s Break Something. Hate the band, love that song. I think this weekend I am going to clean my pig stye of an apartment. Perhaps a less chaotic living environment will make me feel better. Or maybe it’s just something to do. I wish I were Catholic. The sisterhood is looking better and better every day. Married to a man who died 2000 years ago. Brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/13 "2000-10-20T17:42:22Z")
Just my 2 cents - long distance relationship? Puh-lease! Absence makes the heart go wander. I’m not suggesting you mount an all out assault, but hey, (with the exception of this week) you’re here while she’s there. And no matter what she’s got, you’re here, remember. That counts for something. And you don’t know her and owe her nothing. In my book, seeing if something will develop with a guy who has some kind of pre-existing long-distance realtionship is an entirely different beast than trying to split up a couple you know. Whatsamatter? You wanna make sure you and he remain FRIENDS? Yeah, right. That’ll get you through a lotta long cold nights. Sorry you’re feeling shat upon at the moment. It will change. Hey, isn’t there a swinging 21st birthday party right around the party? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/14 "2000-10-20T18:19:37Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by SwimmingRiddles \* > \*\* > ps: I got a 91 on my anthropology exam, and am thinking about dropping my art class_\* What type of anthropology? Physical, socio-cultural or archaeology? ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/15 "2000-10-20T19:51:46Z")
**NothingMan** > [@](#): > > Romance sucks. Sometimes. > [@](#): > > No one stays together anymore. 23 years this past August. > [@](#): > > Til death or I get bored do us part. Rather simplistic, isn’t it? > [@](#): > > Everyone cheats on everyone else. Not even close. **SwimmingRiddles** And I agree with Dinsdale. Why not go for the gold. Don’t come on like gangbusters but, a bird in the hand… (And are you sure the chemistry isn’t just a healthy dose of lust?) Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/16 "2000-10-20T20:32:03Z")
Yeah, long-distance relationships never work, do they? :rolleyes: You have every excuse to be bitter, but don’t be trying to split them up, as **spooje** and **Dinsdale** have suggested. I don’t know if you believe in karma, but there’s tons of bad karma in splitting up a couple to weasel your way into someone’s pants, chemistry or not. I believe you realized this when SisterRiddles was in a similar situation. And of course, just because they’re apart doesn’t mean they’re any less in love. Trust me, I should know. If they break up on their own, that’s another story entirely. But don’t do a damn thing to make it happen. Even if you end up with him, you’ll hate yourself for being a homewrecker, and you’ll never quite be able to trust that he won’t leave YOU if someone better comes along. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/17 "2000-10-20T22:24:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SwimmingRiddles \* > \*\*And whatever you do, don’t post the “you’ll find someone” crap that I keep hearing from my friends. Unless you’re Dionne Fucking Warwick, I don’t want to hear predictions. Or the dreaded “When you’re not looking…” crap. uh-huh. If you’re not looking around, you bang into shit. Trust me. Everyone’s always looking. > \*\* **Swiddles** , it’s obvious you’re a loser. I mean, jeez, you’re listening to “bitter, angry folk chicks” and you’re trying to land MEN? Give it up, girl! Join the land of angry butch dykes, and give free rein to your bitterness and anger! It will make life so much more easier! (Okay, this post was done tongue-in-cheek. I adore Swiddles. Nobody flame me, please…) ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2000, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/18 "2000-10-20T23:58:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Drain Bead \* > \*\*Yeah, long-distance relationships never work, do they? :rolleyes: > > If they break up on their own, that’s another story entirely. But don’t do a damn thing to make it happen. Even if you end up with him, you’ll hate yourself for being a homewrecker, and you’ll never quite be able to trust that he won’t leave YOU if someone better comes along. \*\* I agree with the ever-wise Drainy. On top of what she said, fidelity is sort of a big deal with me. Trust issues and all that. So to know that I am with someone who is so easily swayed, and someone who is just waiting until someone better comes along just doesn’t strike me as wise. It’s a Pandora’s Box I don’t want to open. Besides which, Pennsylvia girl COULD be his soulmate for all I know. He doesn’t talk about her as such, but still. I get all funky, he stops me, I am humiliated and I have to work with him. Arg. Nope, I’ll stick to bitter. Of course, Lizard, I had the “I wish I was a lesbian” conversation wtih my best friend yesterday. Her reaction? “Eh. I’m not sure I could do it. I’m just not attracted to women.” I was like “That’s because you’re NOT a lesbian.” sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2000, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/19 "2000-10-21T00:03:36Z")
SwimmingRiddles, Just remember: when you’re born depressed, everything else is just a pleasant surprise. So you can’t help but have fun tonight! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631/20 "2000-10-21T00:48:33Z")
Wait. Dar is bitter? I never got that memo. Your problem, of course, is that you live in Vermont. Vermont’s a fine state, pretty in the fall, but the sparse population leads to a low number of wobbly-knee-inducing-guys per square mile. So when you do meet one, you justifiably rage at the heavens King Lear-style when it turns out he’s not available. Ah feel yore pain. I recall that I used to enjoy talking to women my own age. Sadly, the opportunity for such conversation has been vanishingly small these past couple of years (other’n that, though, I’m sorry to report that my life is still pretty good). I was going to cock an eyebrow at the “go after him anyway” sentiment, but that’s been addressed. It must be pointed out that none of this is _any_ excuse to be listening to Cheap Trick. Seriously. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swiddles-bitter-bitch-of-the-week/37631.md?page=2)