# Swinging Parties **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2000, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311 "2000-09-15T16:08:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sloblock\_uk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@sloblock\_uk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sloblock_uk)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/1 "2000-09-15T16:08:46Z")
A series of documentaries (Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends) was shown (fairly) recently on UK television (BBC2). One programme featured on the US “swinging” scene. I was curious as to just how widespread and accepted the scene was in the US. “Swinging” does go on in the UK but the scene is so far underground as to be almost impenetrable by “outsiders”. I’m interested because I’m planning next year’s holidays with my fiancee - myself and whom are both open minded and adventurous. It’s always been something we’ve talked about and going to The States to experiment seems like a good idea since if we don’t enjoy the experience we can always scurry back to Scotland and not worry about bumping into anyone we met over the other side of the pond. From the documentary, the whole scene seemed to be very well organised and didn’t seem at all secretive. “Swinging couples” seemed to have no difficulty in finding “swinging parties”, although it was much more difficult for single males - hardly surprising. I’d genuinely appreciate any feedback or info e.g. Presumeably attitudes differ from state to state, etc. Ta. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/2 "2000-09-15T16:15:26Z")
God forgive me, but I can’t pass this one up. [http://www.altplayground.net](http://www.altplayground.net) is one resource Mrs. O and I have used before. It’s actually pretty good, as it has a calendar of events for clubs in the mid-Atlantic area of the East Coast. It’s a paid membership service, of course, but it’s a high-quality site. Try looking in there first. Best of luck! ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/3 "2000-09-15T16:15:39Z")
See the documentary “The Lifestyle”. I’m not making any presumptions about you or our fiance. However, if you are middle aged, flabby, and mildly unattractive, you will fit right in. If you don’t fit those critera, prepare for a shock. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/4 "2000-09-15T16:18:43Z")
more on the subject [http://www.theonion.com/onion3543/hedonistic\_orgy.html](http://www.theonion.com/onion3543/hedonistic_orgy.html) ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/5 "2000-09-15T16:20:19Z")
Thanks for the stereotype, **oldscratch**. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/6 "2000-09-15T16:26:21Z")
No problem Olentzero! 🙂 Ah come on, if anything I’m combating the stereotype of swinging clubs as something only for young attractive couples. It’s a largely white, upper-middle class passtime. That means you get stereotypical white upper-middleclass people. In other words, your parents. (not yours specificly). If people can’t handle seeing someone who looks like dad or mom swinging, they shouldn’t go. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/7 "2000-09-15T16:32:10Z")
I always wanted to be a Swinger, but I’m afraid that Paul Bartel will show up and throw the electric bug-killer into the hot tub. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/8 "2000-09-15T17:01:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > God forgive me, but I can’t pass this one up. > [http://www.altplayground.net](http://www.altplayground.net) is one resource Mrs. O and I have used before. So share and share alike is more then simply a political conviction of yours. Hmmmm…very interesting… ---
**Author:** ![ReservoirDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@ReservoirDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReservoirDog)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/9 "2000-09-15T17:40:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > \*\*I always wanted to be a Swinger, but I’m afraid that Paul Bartel will show up and throw the electric bug-killer into the hot tub. \*\* Shoot, what movie is that from? I distinctly remember a scene where the son throws something into the hot tub and electrocutes the couple, but I can’t remember which movie. I did a search on IMDB for Bartel, but none of the titles seemed right. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/10 "2000-09-15T18:05:30Z")
It’s from “Eating Raoul.” Hilarious movie. ---
**Author:** ![CandyMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@CandyMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandyMan)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/11 "2000-09-15T20:47:49Z")
Ummm… sorry to stereotype as well, but the poster is right. If you don’t want to see mom and dad or, seriously here, grandmom and dad making the moves on not only each other, but others around them, its not for you… Having said that, there are some REALLY REALLY nice places to do where you will find more… attractive… people. PA has one, NJ has one, etc… Be selective, is my advice. But, since you are coming over here, I recomend maybe hitting one club and just setting up meetings with other couples/etc. CandyMan ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/12 "2000-09-15T21:14:17Z")
From **oldscratch** : > [@](#): > > It’s a largely white, upper-middle class passtime. Not the places we’ve been to. Or the people we’ve met. Yeah, there are a lot of professional people, but there are just as many blue-collar folk out there as well. Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, all walks and origins. Sex doesn’t become the provenance of a select group once there are more than two partners involved. From **QuickSilver** > [@](#): > > So share and share alike is more then simply a political conviction of yours. Well, no. I was a Socialist long before Mrs. O and I tried swinging and neither one had anything to do with ‘share and share alike’. Nor do they have much in common with each other, really. The former is my long-held world view, and the latter is something Mrs. O and I decided we were both interested in trying. It doesn’t stem from my political convictions at all. Of course, just when you thought you might get away without a quote on the subject, I give you a passage from Engels’ _The Origins of Family, Private Property, and the State_: > [@](#): > > What we can now conjecture about the way in which sexual relations will be ordered after the impending overthrow of capitalist production is mainly of a negative character, limited for the most part to what will disappear. But what will there be new? That will be answered when a new generation has grown up: a generation of men who never in their lives have known what it is to buy a woman’s surrender with money or any other social instrument of power; a generation of women who have never known what it is to give themselves to a man from any other considerations than real love, or to refuse to give themselves to their lover from fear of the economic consequences. _When these people are in the world, they will care precious little what anybody today thinks they ought to do; they will make their own practice and their corresponding public opinion about the practice of each individual – and that will be the end of it._ So there. 😛 **CandyMan** , we’ve been to Pennsylvania a number of times… not sure which place you mean, but The Farm outside of Gettysburg is a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/13 "2000-09-15T21:31:39Z")
No experience from me, but it’s not exactly well known in the US, but its not a sercet society either. If you look you’ll probably have no trouble finding a welcoming place. Sorry to bring up the mainstram, but I’d check out Hedonism II. They cater to that sort of thing, and in theory it should be a more hip, attractive crowd, and I think they hire adult movie stars and such to add ambiance to the setting. Beyond that, I know in SF (and probably every other major city) there are swingers clubs (in legitimate business) that advertise online. A quick directory search will probably net you some of the well known ones. As far as finding something that is really undergorund held in some guys’ mansion (ala Eyes Wide shut) I can’t help ya. Web Search, you’ll find several I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/14 "2000-09-15T21:35:22Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Omniscient \* > \*\* > Beyond that, I know in SF (and probably every other major city) there are swingers clubs (in legitimate business) that advertise online._\* Now we know what Omni was **really** doing in SF on labor day. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/15 "2000-09-15T21:49:39Z")
[http://www.pleasurezone69.com/PleasureZone69.html](http://www.pleasurezone69.com/PleasureZone69.html) This is the place I was thinking of in SF. Reading a little closer it says “there’s no sex or nudity in the club, but you should save it for the After Parties.” Sounds like a plan to me. Anyways, thats what a 5 minute search turned up. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2000, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/16 "2000-09-15T21:54:27Z")
Well, my two experiences with swinging (if you can call it that) are this. Watching the documentary “The Lifestyle”. Which seems to bear out my stereotypes. And going to The Power Exchange. A sex club here in SF. It was a benefit for the sisters of perpetual indulgence, and one of my favorite bands (Crash Worship) was performing. I have little interest in sex clubs otherwise. It faithfully upheld every stereotype I had imagined about sex clubs and swingers. It was a mixed gay/straight crowd. Make no mistake, there were some attractive people there, some people I would even consider having sex with, but there were also a lot of “people off the street”. And keep in mind that this is San Francisco, a hip urban area. Imagine what you’d get in Iowa. ---
**Author:** ![sloblock\_uk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@sloblock\_uk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sloblock_uk)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/17 "2000-09-18T16:24:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by oldscratch \* > **if you are middle aged, flabby, and mildly unattractive, you will fit right in.** The Louis Theroux documentary did suggest some of these “gatherings” were Lardfests. Louis actually attended one party (complete with a hired “swinging” partner) that had managed to attract a fairly representative cross section of humanity - ie something for everyone. It looked like a really nice, exciting way to spend the evening. Some couples had travelled thousands of miles just to go to this party. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/18 "2000-09-18T16:50:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > I was a Socialist long before Mrs. O and I tried swinging and neither one had anything to do with ‘share and share alike’. Nor do they have much in common with each other, really. The former is my long-held world view, and the latter is something Mrs. O and I decided we were both interested in trying. It doesn’t stem from my political convictions at all. > > Of course, just when you thought you might get away without a quote on the subject, I give you a passage from Engels’ _The Origins of Family, Private Property, and the State_: > > > [@](#): > > > > _When these people are in the world, they will care precious little what anybody today thinks they ought to do; they will make their own practice and their corresponding public opinion about the practice of each individual – and that will be the end of it._ Well I’ll be! Engels was a swinger too! Funny thing, when I was growing up and had heard such things discussed (in the pioneers meetings), I was told that these kinds of deviant events were a direct result of capitalist excess. A true communist would never permit him/her self to be involved in that kind of debauchery. Are you sure you’ve not been infected with some kind of bourgois bug? Nasty things those. They can stay in your systems for years undetected and then, bam! You wake up one morning a capitalist pig. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/19 "2000-09-18T19:14:59Z")
Would that be the swine flu, by any chance? ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2000, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311/20 "2000-09-18T19:39:43Z")
Poor poor Simetra with monogomous attitude (Is that a word and is it spelled correctly?) feels so out of place reading this thread. Hey whatever dunks your oreo. I see lots of couples hooking up in various adult chat-rooms and message boards. Sharing e-mail and deciding to meet. Again, you’re prolly gonna get a buncha fatsoes. 😃 No offense. Whatever happened to just loving one person. Guess I’m just an old-fashioned young’un. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/swinging-parties/33311.md?page=2)