# Sympathy vs. Empathy **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 8, 2006, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512 "2006-11-08T03:48:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![indierock82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@indierock82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indierock82)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/1 "2006-11-08T03:48:24Z")
Here are some of the things I ponder when I’m suffering from an insomnia episode. Could someone please _clearly_ define the difference between the two? My understanding of the two is that _sympathy_ is of a lower level on a compassion scale because it doesn’t offer understanding of the actual situation. For instance if someone was raped, and I was to console them, I could have sympathy for their situation, but not _empathy_ because I don’t have any experience in the matter. Is that a fair asessment? ---
**Author:** ![indierock82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@indierock82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indierock82)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/2 "2006-11-08T03:50:45Z")
I bring this up because I’m a nursing student and a few weeks ago we were going through the laws that govern the nursing practice here in sweden and it said that “A nurse must be able to show empathy towards the patients and their relatives…” Well, I figured this was a faulty premise because one can’t truly understand what a patient has gone through unless you yourself have been lying on that bed. So, I figured sympathy would have been a more appropriate replacement. Over and out. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/3 "2006-11-08T03:57:03Z")
I always understood that you must have gone through something really similar to express empathy. For example, I have lost a child and now I have the right to say that I express empathy for another that has gone through the same. Everyone else obviously feels negative emotions as well but those are sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![indierock82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@indierock82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indierock82)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/4 "2006-11-08T03:59:42Z")
So was I right in assuming that the bilaws of nursing (here in Sthlm at least) are awkwardly worded? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/5 "2006-11-08T04:06:47Z")
[QUOTE=indierock82] So was I right in assuming that the bilaws of nursing (here in Sthlm at least) are awkwardly worded? [/QUOTE] Yes, they screwed it up. You need some direct experience with the issue at hand. You could get into some gray areas but that I don’t think true empathy would be a trait that nurses would want. For example, if lots of your family members have died of cancer, that could interfere with objectivity in your job in treating other cancer patients. It could lead to emotional breakdowns for example while sympathy would be less prone to that. ---
**Author:** ![indierock82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@indierock82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indierock82)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/6 "2006-11-08T04:19:53Z")
Very good point. Now I’m going to rub their faces in it =) ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/7 "2006-11-08T04:23:13Z")
I think of it as sypmathy is feeling sorry for someone, empathy is understanding how they feel. You might have one, the other, or both for a person in a given situation. I don’t see one as “higher” or “lower,” they’re just different. I don’t think empathy requires having had the same experience, though it certainly can make it easier. It requires being able to relate to the type and depth of the emotion(s) involved. Sometimes we can draw on other types of experiences we’ve had to achieve that. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgonzola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e480ec/32.png) [@Gorgonzola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgonzola)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/8 "2006-11-08T04:39:54Z")
Think of empathy as active compassion. Sympathy tends to be passive where empathy is active. Empathy in no way requires that you have experienced the same circumstance, only that you are able to genuinely see things from the point of view of the person in that circumstance, reflect upon what you see, and act in such a fashion that it is clear you are doing so. Empathy is a very useful trait in caregivers; sympathy is much cheaper, more automatic, the response of anyone reading your story in the tabloids. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/9 "2006-11-08T04:42:33Z")
Essentially the difference between sympathy and empathy in nuring practice is the objective, critical nature of it. One chooses to feel empathy toward another. Surely you have been instructed in “empathic listening”. ---
**Author:** ![indierock82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@indierock82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indierock82)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/10 "2006-11-08T05:13:48Z")
Empathic listening? Not as of yet. The general consensus (save for one) seems to be that you don’t have to have had a bad experience to be able to be actively compassionate (_empathetic_) toward another person. But if we draw a real life situation: working at an oncological ward. If you have never experienced cancer, how can you ever _really_ be compassionate towards your patients? One might say that enough experience within such work equates to understanding, but I don’t think that’s enough. Statistics (referring to the amount of cancer-patients you’ve treated) won’t help you empathize, but rather sympathize with the patients. ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/11 "2006-11-08T05:29:12Z")
[QUOTE=indierock82] If you have never experienced cancer, how can you ever _really_ be compassionate towards your patients? [/QUOTE] If you’ve ever experienced pain, anxiety, gastro problems, extreme tiredness, been depressed, had nausea, trouble sleeping, etc., and I’m guessing you have, then you can easily show empathy towards your patients. Heck, my wife has endo, which is something I’ll obviously never experience personally, and yet I can fully empathize. The fact that you’re trying to get it is probably a good sign that you’re going to be fine in the empathy department. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/12 "2006-11-08T05:33:00Z")
[QUOTE=indierock82] If you have never experienced cancer, how can you ever _really_ be compassionate towards your patients? [/QUOTE] It’s not the fact that they have cancer (or have Parkinson’s or just lost an arm or just lost a baby or…), it’s the feelings they have because they have cancer (or…). Fear. Helplessness. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Have we not all had these, to some degree? When I sing a song, I try to live the situation related in the lyrics in my heart, to feel the sadness or joy or whatever. I may not have experienced the same situation, but as a human I can make a pretty good guess as to how I would feel. I may not be able to wrench people’s hearts like, say, Patsy Cline, but at least it’s not a bland recitation of just mouthing the words. Perhaps you can likewise “sing” (=have compassionate bedside manner) to your patients, using not only your intellectual understanding of their physical condition but also your human understanding of their emotional condition. You don’t have to be Patsy Cline, just sincere. ---
**Author:** ![indierock82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@indierock82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indierock82)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/13 "2006-11-08T05:34:10Z")
An encouragement!! Awesome! =) Yeah, you do have a valid point there, DMC. I’ll try and keep that in mind. I guess I was just pushing for the extreme: that if I haven’t had cancer, then I can’t understand what it’s like to have cancer. But along with cancer comes pain, nausea and a whole variety of symptoms which I _do_ have experience with. thanks for opening my eyes =) ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/14 "2006-11-08T06:05:21Z")
The real question is, what kind of empathy can you muster for someone who feels ill after having eaten deep-fried butter on a stick? 😃 In reference to [this thread,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=395131) for those who are wondering WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/15 "2006-11-08T06:34:39Z")
_Sympathy_ is when I give you a hug. _Empathy_ is when I sit down and cry with you. ---
**Author:** ![Pjen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Pjen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pjen)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/16 "2006-11-08T06:50:53Z")
I too am a nurse. Sympathy is similar to feeling (blank) for Empathy is similar to feeling ((blank) with wheer (blank) is a hiuman emotion Two clear case examples: Case 1: A middle aged man with a history of abusing children sexually and who is currently confined in a prison. I feel no sympathy for his situation. I believe he needs to be confined and I do not feel sorry about that. However, I feel empathy for him in understanding and accepting his human position of despair at being so imprisoned. Case 2: A young woman with cerebral palsy. I feel sympathetic about her state and say how sorry I am- she throws it back in my face and says she is what she is and that I should not give her any of my effing sympathy! I feel empathy with the challenges that she faces and work with her to overcome them. ---
**Author:** ![Pjen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Pjen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pjen)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/17 "2006-11-08T06:51:56Z")
Preview Preview Preview “where (blank) is a human emotion” ---
**Author:** ![indierock82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@indierock82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indierock82)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/18 "2006-11-08T07:26:12Z")
[QUOTE=Pjen] Case 2: A young woman with cerebral palsy. I feel sympathetic about her state and say how sorry I am- she throws it back in my face and says she is what she is and that I should not give her any of my effing sympathy! I feel empathy with the challenges that she faces and work with her to overcome them. [/QUOTE] Wow. The joys I have to look forward to. Yes, I know this is not always the case, but I’m sure it occurs with some frequence. I work as an orderly at a hospital now, and have come in contact with such patients. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/19 "2006-11-08T07:55:29Z")
According to _Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary_: “Empathy- the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object, so that object appears to beinfused with it.” So, when one empathizes, one appears to understand. “Sympathy- having common feelings.” It appears many of you have switched the meanings… I empathize. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512/20 "2006-11-08T09:10:32Z")
Empathy is how you really connect with people. Empathy is when you perceive how a person is feeling, attune yourself to the same feeling, then, if you’re good, guide them to a generally happier and more hopeful feeling. I’ve often found humor to be a good empathetic tool. Sympathy is just rubbish. (i.e. “feeling sorry for someone”, even, and in fact often _when they don’t feel sorry for themselves_) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sympathy-vs-empathy/379512.md?page=2)