# T or F: If Superman would just french Lex Luthor, Metropolis would be never be in danger again. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 24, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267 "2010-01-24T19:59:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/1 "2010-01-24T19:59:05Z")
The thread title says it all, no? One answer per respondent, public poll, no set ending date. And yes, I’m aware it’s a ridiculous question. I like absurdity, as you may have noticed. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/2 "2010-01-24T21:35:13Z")
Well, a Super Tongue through the palate and into the brain would eliminate the threat, but Lex was only the Biggest Bad, not the only one. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/3 "2010-01-24T21:38:19Z")
Only if the magic memory erasing kiss is canon. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/4 "2010-01-24T21:42:17Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > Well, a Super Tongue through the palate and into the brain would eliminate the threat, but Lex was only the Biggest Bad, not the only one. I kinda think that would got out that Superman had kissed Lex Luthor TO DEATH, all his enemies except for Mxyzptlk, Metallo, and the Kryptonite Man would lhang it up. And I’m not sure about Mxy. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/5 "2010-01-24T21:52:08Z")
Kal kissing Lex would just offend Lex. Lex is not in love with Supes, he resents him. Lex wants to the Big Damn Hero to Millions; further, he justifies his anti-Superman actions as standing up for humanity against a godlike E.T. (OTOH, I maintain that the first Batman & the Joker were doing it offscreen all the time, & that’s connected to why Bats never drove a stake through the Joker’s heart no matter what the Joker did. Only clownface’s dick is narrow enough to fit up Bruce’s tight ass. Hopefully Dick will have a better track record keeping Gotham safe.) Oh, for one response, trim mine down to the brutally obvious & therefore boring, “As always, you overlook possibilities like \, StR. That’s why your evil plans always fail.” Disregard my votes for “Damn you and your sick mind, Rhymer! The Son of Jor-El is straight as Aragorn!” & “False: LEX is the one too repressed to admit his passion.” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/6 "2010-01-24T21:58:07Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > Kal kissing Lex would just offend Lex. Lex is not in love with Supes, he resents him. Lex wants to the Big Damn Hero to Millions; further, he justifies his anti-Superman actions as standing up for humanity against a godlike E.T. > > (OTOH, I maintain that the first Batman & the Joker were doing it offscreen all the time, & that’s connected to why Bats never drove a stake through the Joker’s heart no matter what the Joker did. Only clownface’s dick is narrow enough to fit up Bruce’s tight ass. Hopefully Dick will have a better track record keeping Gotham safe.) > > Oh, for one response, trim mine down to the brutally obvious & therefore boring, “As always, you overlook possibilities like \, StR. That’s why your evil plans always fail.” Disregard my votes for “Damn you and your sick mind, Rhymer! The Son of Jor-El is straight as Aragorn!” & “False: LEX is the one too repressed to admit his passion.” You can’t seriously be suggesting that I’m actually going to TALLY these votes. That would be insane. But you know…I think you ARE suggesting that. I haven’t been so mad since my best friend in high school blew up my lab with a puff of his lungs and made me lose my hair. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/7 "2010-01-24T22:42:53Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Only if the magic memory erasing kiss is canon. You saw that episode of Linkara, too? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/8 "2010-01-24T22:49:48Z")
Getting fried in oil would generally stop most people from further wrongdoing, yes. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/9 "2010-01-24T22:50:18Z")
Depends on the Lex, Skald. The Smallville Lex? Yeah. The comics Lex? Well, there’s three major Lexes. The 70s Supervillian in Armor? Mmmmm… nooooo. The 90s BusinessLex? Nah. Well. Maybe. If Superman would wear a dress around the house and be subservient to him. Lex did go perv on Matrix, but it’s really a power game to him more than anything. 90s Lex hated Superman for being loved more than him. 2010 Lex is just effing schizophrenic. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/10 "2010-01-24T22:52:39Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > But you know…I think you ARE suggesting that. I haven’t been so mad since my best friend in high school blew up my lab with a puff of his lungs and made me lose my hair. Unfortunately your anecdote has be removed from the current continuity! – [RIGHT]_Julie_[/RIGHT] My name isn’t actually Julie, btw. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2010, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/11 "2010-01-24T23:24:05Z")
I picked the Batman one. The cape and mask are the only thing holding together the shattered fragments of his psyche; he needs supervillains because without them he couldn’t be a superhero, and if he’s not a superhero, he’s nothing. Clark, on the other hand, would much rather be just an ordinary guy, but he can’t while the world still needs Superman. He’d love to go into retirement, if he could take all the villains with him. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/12 "2010-01-25T01:35:57Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I picked the Batman one. The cape and mask are the only thing holding together the shattered fragments of his psyche; he needs supervillains because without them he couldn’t be a superhero, and if he’s not a superhero, he’s nothing. Or, perhaps, the other way around, pointed out by… [guess who?](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FoeYay/ComicBooks) **Lex** (held captive by the Joker): Does it ever bother you… bother you at all, really… that Batman likes Catwoman better? [laughs madly as Joker flies into an incoherent rage] He’ll never love you, sweetheart! You can keep screwing with his city, but he’s never gonna take you to the prom! ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/13 "2010-01-25T01:37:54Z")
As always you overlook possibilities like the homosexual cat fight. There is no way the relationship between a billionaire industrialist and his small town Kansas boytoy is going to last. It will end badly. Add in Lex’s jealousy, and you’re going to get [this](http://vonbytch.com/blog/?p=650), except with super powers. Metropolis doesn’t need that. **Supes** : Did that bitch just pull my cape?! **Lex** : How long have you been sleeping around on me, you whore?! **Supes** : Girlfriend, my man will always be more woman than you! **Jerry Springer** : Ladies, Ladies… Let’s bring out our surprise guest:…Jimmy Olson! _\<\\>_ ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/14 "2010-01-25T01:56:42Z")
I’ve never watched **Smallville** , but I suspect the OP question is inspired by the characters’ dynamic on that show. No, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: What Lex Luthor bitterly resents is that Superman is (in Lex’s eyes) the living epitome of the Jock, the guy who’s physical strength and skill wins him acclaim while all the nerdy brain types get dissed. Think Syndrome, only with a fixation on one particular hero. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/15 "2010-01-25T01:57:54Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > As always you overlook possibilities like the homosexual cat fight. There is no way the relationship between a billionaire industrialist and his small town Kansas boytoy is going to last. It will end badly. Add in Lex’s jealousy, and you’re going to get [this](http://vonbytch.com/blog/?p=650), except with super powers. > > Metropolis doesn’t need that. > > **Supes** : Did that bitch just pull my cape?! > **Lex** : How long have you been sleeping around on me, you whore?! > **Supes** : Girlfriend, my man will always be more woman than you! > **Jerry Springer** : Ladies, Ladies… Let’s bring out our surprise guest:…Jimmy Olson! > _\<\\>_ Mr. Croce had the last word on why this post was a bad idea: “You don’t tug on Superman’s cape … and you don’t mess around with Jim.” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/16 "2010-01-25T02:25:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Or, perhaps, the other way around, pointed out by… guess who? You may have a point. Batman needs villains in general, but the Joker needs Batman specifically. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/17 "2010-01-25T15:20:54Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I’ve never watched **Smallville** , but I suspect the OP question is inspired by the characters’ dynamic on that show. I’ve never actually watched an entire episode of Smallville; not even Kristen Kreuk, lovely as she is, was enough to make me put up with it. I’m just an odd duck. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/18 "2010-01-25T15:30:24Z")
I went with “Superman is sexless”. Not that you are raping my childhood, though. Just because I think he is. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/19 "2010-01-25T15:37:20Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I went with “Superman is sexless”. Not that you are raping my childhood, though. Just because I think he is. I was _sure_ that you’d go with the “Lois Lane is responsible for the death of thousands because she won’t remove the stick from her ass” option. But you’re probably right. He’s certainly not thinking about doing in in [this](http://www.areavoices.com/hodgepodge/?blog=21366)picture. And the one in the spoiler box below? He’s just being chivalrous, no more interested in Lois carnally than Gimli was in Galadriel. Though it’s from a comic book, this [pic](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v636/JMPTX/thunderdome/Week%2046/Group%20B/SupermanLois.jpg)probably isn’t safe for work. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267/20 "2010-01-25T15:42:28Z")
I would just like to point out that given his attachment to hobbits and willingness to date outside his species the term “straight as Aragon” may not be setting the bar as high as you think… ahhhhh…kill two childhoods with one stone. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/t-or-f-if-superman-would-just-french-lex-luthor-metropolis-would-be-never-be-in-danger-again/526267.md?page=2)