# Table Manners. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722 "2003-08-03T15:14:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/41 "2003-08-05T14:07:47Z")
**Cartooniverse** , that reminds me of another pet peeve of mine. Eating in my family consisted of everyone waiting to eat until everyone was seated and served, and asking to be excused if you finished before everyone else. I am an extremely slow eater (congenital lack of spit - I choke all the time), and I hate it when I eat at someone else’s house and they’re all on desert while I’m still plowing through my dinner, or even worse, they all gulp their food and take off, leaving me alone at the table. This really seems rude to me. I’m truly eating as fast as I can. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/42 "2003-08-05T14:11:04Z")
Imagine that I proofread that last post and posted “dessert” instead of “desert.” ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/43 "2003-08-05T14:12:31Z")
Among my father’s family, it was considered rude to put your hands in your lap at the dinner table. No elbows on the table, either, of course. This results in everyone kind of resting their wrists against the table edge when they aren’t doing something with their hands. It’s a weird habit that I’m stuck with. Mom says it’s a European thing. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/44 "2003-08-05T14:18:37Z")
No kidding? That’s a no-man’s land of hand placement. Not that we shouldn’t be flexible here, but there’s the " Let’s just avoid fecal contamination and pretent none of us have a left hand " camp, then there’s the " Pardon my boarding-house reach, can you hand me the pepper? " camp. The wrists on the edge of the table camp, well ya’ll can use that part of the West Lawn to set up your tents, and cook with Unit J. Just don’t tell 'em I said you could. Damned interlopers. 😛 I’m of European heritage. German, Russian, Polish. I gotta ask Mom about the wrists thing. Maybe I missed something? ---
**Author:** ![skeptic\_ev](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@skeptic\_ev](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skeptic_ev)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/45 "2003-08-05T14:29:33Z")
Maybe that was a Freudian slip, **featherlou**. I suffer from a lack of saliva also (autoimmune disorder), and sometimes it _does_ feel like you’re eating a desert. ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/46 "2003-08-05T14:48:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chefguy \* > \*\*Drive around the bend behavior: The American (and possibly others) practice of constantly switching the fork from one hand to the other: cut meat, put down knife, switch fork to right hand, put left hand in lap, eat bite, repeat again and again. How stupid and pretentious is this? \*\* Call it what you wish, my dear chap, but the contemporary “American” technique reflects (and is a holdover from) the refined table manners practiced by the nobles in England centuries ago. Over time, this English/British method eroded, became more utilitarian, and aligned itself with the technique practiced by the working class, or “commoners” as they were known. In the final analysis, the contemporary British practice finds its roots in its Fagans and Oliver Twists, whilst the American practice is a respectful nod to nobility and the landed gentry. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/47 "2003-08-05T14:49:09Z")
> [@](#): > > I can’t imagine interacting with the love of my life via points and grunts. Well, when your mouth is full it works better that trying to talk. I’m not a terribly verbose guy, either, so I tend to try to do as much as possibly with as little speech as I can. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/48 "2003-08-05T17:52:13Z")
My beloved husband was brought up in boarding schools and his manners are deplorable. Mouth-open chewing, shovelling, talking and spraying, he does it all. Arrrrgh ! I was brought up to eat silently (no “smacking”) and I guess I picked up the rest by osmosis because I was never explicitly taught to put a napkin on my lap or hold a fork differently from a shovel. I am envisioning endless battles with the yet-to-be-conceived children. But of course it’s a cultural thing. Some foods (rice, noodles) are eaten most efficiently by shovelling. And some families really don’t stop talking for long enough to chew silently. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/49 "2003-08-05T20:23:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon \* > \*\*The one thing that drives me around the bend is people that push their food around with their hands. \*\* I do this. :o I have a hard time getting salad and lima beans and such on my fork when I use my knife to push them on there, so I discreetly (I hope) use my finger. In formal dining situations, though, I manage to refrain from this horrifying habit, and if I really have a hard time getting the lettuce on the fork or something, I just won’t eat it. ---
**Author:** ![ProjectOmega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b487fb/32.png) [@ProjectOmega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProjectOmega)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/50 "2003-08-05T20:52:11Z")
How rude do you consider a person that eats fast? I have above-average table manners (never reach across the table, chew as quietly as possible with the mouth closed at all times, no elbows on the table, etc, etc), but I eat fast. Not cramming-my-mouth-to-capacity-and-chewing-like-a-woodchipper, but I just have a gift for eating efficiently and quickly. I’m always the first one done eating, and sometimes it’s a little awkward sitting in front of an empty plate while everyone else is getting rid of their last 1/4, but I don’t know if other people would consider this bad manners. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/51 "2003-08-05T21:31:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > \*\*Well, when your mouth is full it works better that trying to talk. I’m not a terribly verbose guy, either, so I tend to try to do as much as possibly with as little speech as I can. \*\* Of course, the etiquette-oriented responses to this are (1) so you take five seconds to finish chewing before talking, and (2) no matter what your personal preferences are regarding verbosity, it’s polite to use at least as much speech as is necessary to politely interact with other people – “Would you please pass the salt?” (or even “Pass the salt,” which would apparently be a step up in this case) rather than _grunt_ _point_. **ProjectOmega:** I’m reminded of a story I read about Lillian Gilbreth, who with her husband Frank in the early 1900s was one of the creators of scientific management, the precursor to today’s ergonomics, ISO 9000, and so on. She was raised by a very proper lady, and though she herself was an exacting scientist and independent woman, she often reverted to being a traditional proper lady herself when visiting back home. On one of these trips, her mother gave her a list of people to call on, which of course in those days meant getting all gussied up, going from house to house, and sitting in the parlor to visit for a while, or else leaving one’s card if no one was home. Lillian set out and made her visits in record time, then returned home and exclaimed to her mother, “Six calls in an hour! Wasn’t that efficient?” Her mother was less than pleased. My point is that sharing a meal with others is not so much about showing off your “gift” of efficiency as it is about socializing. Your method of eating isn’t necessarily rude, but it apparently causes some discomfort at the table, for you (as you describe) as well as for any of your dinner partners who also find it odd to see you sitting at an empty plate while others are still eating. At least when you are in the company of others, you might consider pacing yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722/52 "2003-08-05T22:30:52Z")
See, there ya go, **ProjectOmega**. You can eat slower, but I just can’t eat any faster (I already take smaller portions when eating with known speed eaters, and sometimes come away hungry cause it’s just too embarrassing to sit there gnawing away long after everyone else). Maybe you should chew your food the recommended thirty times for each bite - that oughta slow ya down.😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/table-manners/192722.md?page=2)