# Tacky headlines of future celebrity deaths **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2005, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361 "2005-07-20T22:13:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/1 "2005-07-20T22:13:02Z")
Paul Simon: **There Goes Rhymin’ Simon** **Across Traci Lords Not of This Earth** Ralph Nader: **Un-alive At Any Speed** ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/2 "2005-07-21T03:55:40Z")
Abe Vigoda is really dead. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/3 "2005-07-21T05:56:32Z")
God rules no more recounts for **Al Gore**. Is **Bill Clinton** really dead? Define “is”. George W. **Bush** -whacked **Paris Hilton** dies… Hallelujah! ---
**Author:** ![initech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/439d5e/32.png) [@initech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/initech)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/4 "2005-07-21T06:08:03Z")
Charlton Heston’s hand cold, dead (mark my words, this will be in the Onion) ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/5 "2005-07-21T06:11:11Z")
The bell tolls for thee, Chuck Barris ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/6 "2005-07-21T06:36:54Z")
RIP Jennifer Lynn Lopez Ojoa Judd Anthony Combs Affleck Timberlake Combs Pitt Lee Combs Federline Combs ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/7 "2005-07-21T09:07:35Z")
**Dick Clark’s Ball Descends** **Time, History of Stephen Hawking Brief** **Aaron Spelling Finally Cancelled** ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/8 "2005-07-21T09:14:23Z")
Dan Quayle Ded ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/9 "2005-07-21T11:55:44Z")
Scotty beams up [insert name of next Star Trek actor to die here] Joan Fontaine dies. Olivia de Havilland wins feud (or vice versa) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/10 "2005-07-21T14:29:33Z")
Harrison Ford: Han Shot First Paul McCartney: Now it’s up to Ringo ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/11 "2005-07-21T14:48:41Z")
\*\*Pauly Shore is Dead. Really. Not-Being John Malkovich\*\* … ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/12 "2005-07-21T14:50:11Z")
**This time, Paul Really _is_ Dead** ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/13 "2005-07-21T14:58:44Z")
**Paul Newman in Cold Hands Luke.** **Charlton Heston: Enters Food Chain.** - I’m so going to hell for this… ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/14 "2005-07-21T15:01:58Z")
\*\*Burt Reynolds cast into The Longest Two Yards Cokie Roberts goes flat Jerry Seinfeld unable to do “stand up”\*\* ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/15 "2005-07-21T15:12:56Z")
**Judy Garland Not in Kansas Anymore** ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/16 "2005-07-21T15:14:19Z")
**Generalissimo Francisco Franco says Chevy Chase is Now Dead Gerald Ford Stumbles for Last Time Reports of Kurt Vionnegut’s Death not Exaggerated** ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/17 "2005-07-21T15:15:54Z")
\*\*Jimmy “Good Times” Walker is _dyin’tonite!_ Silent: The singer formerly alive as “Prince” Suzanne Pleshette’s voice to drop six more feet\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/18 "2005-07-21T15:30:40Z")
**John Edward Finally Able to Communicate with the Dead** **Paris Hilton Actually Accomplishes Something** ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/19 "2005-07-21T15:49:26Z")
**Regis Philben Gives Final Answer** **Maureen McCormick: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Is Dead, Dead, Dead** **Shelley Long Gone** **Catherine Bach Pushing Up Daisy** **Survey Says Richard Dawson Dead** ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/20 "2005-07-21T15:55:38Z")
\*\*Zagged: Zig Ziglar Ben Stein? Ben Stein? Ben Stein? Ken Lay’d to rest Dan is Rather dead\*\* [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361.md?page=2)