# Tacky headlines of future celebrity deaths **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2005, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361 "2005-07-20T22:13:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/41 "2005-07-21T22:30:45Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Scotty beams up [insert name of next Star Trek actor to die here] ah, you scooped them by mere hours… [Scotty Beams Up One Last Time](http://news.bostonherald.com/talkBack/index.php?topic=19230.0) [Scotty Gets Beamed up For The Last Time](http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,366176,00.html) [Fans mourn scifi legend as Scotty beams up for good](http://theedge.bostonherald.com/tvNews/view.bg?articleid=94673) and many more… It seems no-one can resist this crap. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/42 "2005-07-22T03:59:18Z")
Madonna: She’s an Immaterial Girl John Cleese: He’s Just Resting Adam Sandler, He’s So Gone-i-ca… ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/43 "2005-07-22T04:23:06Z")
This thread is hilarious. Every response is giggle-worthy. But for some reason, > [@don't ask](#): > > Dan Quayle Ded made me laugh so hard I got total nose-coffee. Ha! Ded! I dunno, I blame it on the heat. **Paris Hilton no longer hawt** **Michael truly “Air” Jordan** ---
**Author:** ![KeithT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@KeithT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KeithT)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/44 "2005-07-22T04:33:03Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Even better … > **Beatles Reunion! McCartney and Starr Die in Freak Accident** **Ringo: "I buried Paul."** **Tom Cruise Missiled** **Cecil Adams: Fighting Decomposition Since 2063 [sub](He’s taking longer than we thought)[/sub]** ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/45 "2005-07-22T05:18:02Z")
Kirstie Alley: Dead Fat Actress Steve Martin Not Wearing Plaid Schwarzenegger Terminated ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/46 "2005-07-22T05:56:25Z")
Schwartzenegger: “I Won’t Be Back!” O.J. Simpson Reunited With Estranged Wife Wallace Shawn Dead? Inconceivable! Al Franken is a Big Fat Corpse ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/47 "2005-07-22T06:10:43Z")
Will Smith: Fresh No More George Wendt Goes to Great Bar in the Sky, Heavenly Hosts Cry Out “Nooorrrrrm” _This is the news of Garry’s death, The news of Garry’s death. The family called us up and asked if we would right his obit. We’re almost halfway finished, How do you like it so far? This is the news of Garry Shandling’s death._ ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/48 "2005-07-22T06:34:16Z")
\*\*Breast Implants Have Pamela Anderson Removed Lou Pinella Ejected, Kicks Dirt On St Peter’s Shoes Andy Kaufman Really Dead This Time\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/49 "2005-07-22T06:46:39Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > O.J. Simpson Reunited With Estranged Wife I am so going to hell for laughing at this. **Kenny Rogers Fold’s 'em** or **Kenny Rogers finds his condition in bad condition** ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/50 "2005-07-22T06:49:53Z")
**God to Samuel Jackson: Do you read the Bible, Sam? There’s this passage, Eziekiel 22:7…** ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/51 "2005-07-22T06:51:21Z")
Mike Tyson Bites It Chong’s not here, man Joan Osborne, No Longer One of Us How To Grieve Ann Coulter (If You Must) No Rush, Limbaugh Chokes on Prescription Pills, Ham Sandwich Downsized: Michael Moore Chokes on Ham Sandwich, Fried Pickle Roger Daltry Dies Before He Gets Old ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/52 "2005-07-22T06:52:36Z")
Ali Dies, Couldn’t Shake Parkinson’s ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/53 "2005-07-22T07:38:29Z")
\*\*Michael Jackson Paler Than Ever Dan Rather ‘Too Close to Call’\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/54 "2005-07-22T07:55:12Z")
\*\*Osama _Definitely_ in a Cave in Afghanistan Hussein Still Hanging In There Apparently Enough Room in Hell for Romero Manson is The Walrus. (Goo-Goo G’Joob) Bang! Bang! Benedict XVI Sure Was Dead.\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/55 "2005-07-22T08:07:00Z")
Joey Bishop Joins Rot Pack ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/56 "2005-07-22T08:41:00Z")
I knew I shoulda waited. Here’s some more. (And by the way, there’s a lot of morbid people out there. Keep it up! :D) \*\*George Lucas Finds Plot Stan Lee Bagged and Boarded Rosa Parks Buried At Front of Cemetery Jared Loses Rest of Weight\*\* and two for the already-dead-but-it-would’ve-been-good category: \*\*Grass Always Greener Over Erma Bombeck Julia Child Buried; Memorial Service Held with Julia Prepared Before Show\*\* ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/57 "2005-07-22T09:19:45Z")
**Magician David Blaine Dies Burial Thursday…through…Sunday…matinee Saturday** ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/58 "2005-07-22T12:20:56Z")
How did this thread get to be two pages without the obvious: **Richard Thomas: Good night John-Boy** Also: Dan Rather finds Kenneth’s frequency. Nancy Cartwright: Ay Crarumba! Voice of Bart Simpson dead. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/59 "2005-07-22T12:38:09Z")
Ed Zotti Dead! Cecil Adams Missing! ---
**Author:** ![big\_dogs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f1d935/32.png) [@big\_dogs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/big_dogs)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/60 "2005-07-22T12:45:21Z")
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