# Tacky headlines of future celebrity deaths **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2005, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361 "2005-07-20T22:13:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/61 "2005-07-22T12:54:52Z")
Erma Bombeck: At Wit’s (and Everything Else’s) End Phil Donahue is Erma Bombeck’s neighbor again. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/62 "2005-07-22T13:00:33Z")
George Steinbrenner: Audit Reveals He Did Take It With Him Keith Richards, Dead Since 1967, Finally Stopped Moving ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/63 "2005-07-22T13:13:20Z")
**Bill Gates No Longer Rules PC Market** **Bill Gates Ousts Satan In Hostile Takeover Of Hell** **Microsoft Goes Open Source, Spinning Gates Provides Power To Entire Pacific Northwest** ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/64 "2005-07-22T13:24:03Z")
Angelina Jolie - Respiration, Interrupted. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/65 "2005-07-22T13:30:56Z")
**Brad Pitt** ed ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/66 "2005-07-22T13:37:05Z")
**Shirley McClaine to be reincarnated as Woody Allen’s adopted daughter and his next wife.** ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/67 "2005-07-22T13:51:09Z")
**Sean Connery — Not Shaken, Interred** ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/68 "2005-07-22T15:07:50Z")
And the Number One Reason Dave Won’t Be Hosting Tonight’s Show: Three Words . . . Fatal Heart Attack ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/69 "2005-07-22T21:34:04Z")
Paul Harvey … Dead … It’s true … it’s true … Services to be held at your neighborhood True Value Hardware Store … Good Day ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/70 "2005-07-22T22:44:35Z")
From the Tonight Show (original): Doc is not here. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/71 "2005-07-23T03:03:00Z")
**Mr Blue Sky** [nitpick] Doc Severnson was not in the \*original \*“Tonight Show”. [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/72 "2005-07-23T03:46:59Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > **Mr Blue Sky** > > [nitpick] > Doc Severnson was not in the \*original \*“Tonight Show”. > [/nitpick] I meant original as in not-the-Leno-crap. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/73 "2005-07-23T03:53:38Z")
**Mr Blue Sky** I had a feeling that was the incarnation of the “Tonight Show” to which you referred. Still, I felt a clarification was in order. Sorry for being excessively nitpicking. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/74 "2005-07-23T11:20:23Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > **Mr Blue Sky** > I had a feeling that was the incarnation of the “Tonight Show” to which you referred. > Still, I felt a clarification was in order. Sorry for being excessively nitpicking. Hey, you guys, may we continue the nitpick just long enough to identify Doc’s counterpart on the “original” Tonight show? Skitch Henderson was before Doc, and Jose Meles (sp?) was with Paar. Who was Mr. Music with Steve? And were there others with Paar and Johnny before Doc? Not counting Tommy Newsom when Doc was “away.” ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/75 "2005-07-23T16:02:59Z")
**Julia Roberts: Pretty Dead Woman.** When Renee Zellweiger suffers a fatal heart attack when she overdoes the bulking up for Bridget Jones III the headline would read: **Renee Zellweiger: Cold Mountain.** ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/76 "2005-07-23T17:36:58Z")
> [@don't ask](#): > > Dan Quayle Ded Best in Show. ---
**Author:** ![feppytweed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/feppytweed/32/4280_2.png) [@feppytweed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/feppytweed)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/77 "2005-07-23T18:07:10Z")
\*_Schwarzenegger: It really was \* a tumor!_ ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/78 "2005-07-23T18:21:12Z")
Eddie Vedder Not Still Alive Jon Lovitz Alive – Yeah, That’s the Ticket Tom Hanks: The Box of Chocolates is Empty ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/79 "2005-07-23T18:46:11Z")
**Zeldar** Well since you asked, here is the best (and most concise) site I could find on the “Tonight Show” history. [http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/T/htmlT/tonightshow/tonightshow.htm](http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/T/htmlT/tonightshow/tonightshow.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361/80 "2005-07-23T18:48:53Z")
**John Cleese** has ceased to be! Gone to meet his maker! Joined the choir invisible! **Oprah Winfrey** - She’s gone, girl. **Celine Dion** ’s heart to go on - teen recipient of the organ grateful for second chance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tacky-headlines-of-future-celebrity-deaths/313361.md?page=5)