Tacky Tourist Treasures

[quote=Tikki]
It never had Hawaii-type lava flows but a slow basaltic build-up. I forget the technical name.

[quote]

Ex-geologist here, ready to be pedantic.
The slow stuff is rhyolite, the volcanic equivalent of granite.
Mt. St. Helens is andesite which, as you’ve probably guessed, is explosive.
Hawaiian lava is, in fact, basalt. There’s a slow type (pahoihoi(sp?) and a fast type (aa).

As for tacky souvenirs, in Europe in the 50s my parents bought me a rubber toy with a naked black child that peed into a little basin when you squeezed a bulb. I think they got it for me because there was a fountain in Brussels I liked that operated on the same basic theme, but this was no work of art.

Stuff I’ve seen in local stores:
[ul]
[li] Clear plexiglass toilet seat containing various sizes of seashells, mostly smooth, but a couple of pointy ones in there :eek: .[/li]
[li] Pouch/purse made from a bison scrotum (unlike the seashells, bison are not normally found in Florida).[/li]
[li] Wooden paddle with “Board of Education” (badly) painted on it (seen lots of these in the Adirondacks, but at least they were done on an aromatic cedar).[/li]
[li] Rocks glued to shells.[/li]
[li] Shells glued to rocks.[/li]
[li] Crucifix made of shells and a couple of rocks, including a gold-toned Jesus (one of the twelve on the shelf was slightly chipped)[/li][/ul]

Oh, oh, I’ve got another one. There is a chapel at Knott’s Berry Farm that in 1960 sold (may still, for all I know) a glow-in-the-dark picture of Jesus. I was in my Christian phase at that time (lasted from 9 to 13), so I got one. In the light it was your standard white boy Jesus picture, but in the dark it had a sort of ghastly shroud of Turin appearance, and the eyes were somewhat red.

I bought one of those from a street vendor in Cartagena, Colombia in 1984-ish. It was truly awful looking. After about 5 years the fur started falling out and it got to be REAL mangy looking.

Don’t know why I didn’t think of this before - about half of the departure lounge at Dublin airport is filled with hideous green/shamrock/leprachaun/Guinness crap.

A friend of mine came back from Vegas with one of my favorite souvenirs ever: they’d found some store that had personalized condoms; you could pick the package customized with your (or your partner’s, I guess) name.

The one she got me said: “One Las Vegas Condom Custom Fitted for JESUS”

Her comment: “Hmm, I always imagined it’d be bigger.”

My brother was stationed at England AFB. Which is in Louisiana, and confused people (“Ray’s at a British base?!” “No, he’s in America, the base is called England.” “Oh. Why?” “Dunno”)

He brought me back a polished cedar block with a pencil glued to it and the legend “Cajun Word Processor”. I keep it on top of my computer. For my Dad, there was a hinged empty box that bore the words “How to Keep a Cajun Busy” and below that, “Open Box”. When you did, you saw the words “Close Box”.

I bet they’re all over the place with the words “Newfie” or “Tassie” or “Geordie” or whatever substituted for Cajun :smiley:

I got a stuffed/tanned bufo marinus (huge toad) in guatemala. It was a gift and really tacky – I think my wife tossed it out as I haven’t seen it in a while.

The really tacky ones have the bufos playing instruments like a mariachi band.

Okay, “Newfie” is someone from Newfoundland (right?), but what’s a “Tassie” (a Soviet journalist?) and a “Geordie” (a 24th-century technobabblist?)?

Would I be a “screechie”?

Geordie = Newcastle

(?Tassie = Tasmania?)

How does “Geordie” = “Newcastle”? And is this the same Newcastle as in “carrying coals to…” and John Playford’s “Came you not from… [note: lyrics of dubious authenticity]”?