# Tactlessness on Social Media **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 18, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644 "2014-10-18T01:26:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/21 "2014-10-20T03:22:04Z")
How did your party go? I hope everyone had a wonderful time, even the woman with the food issue. Did you say anything to her about the post? Did anyone post any _post_-party comments? To me, FaceBook is there to stir controversy. I see a lot of in-fighting, that, to me, seems pointless. Maybe it’s because, like your friend, many on FB don’t connect that what they say on the public forum is just that, Public. When one has many “friends,” one forgets they may be speaking to the person they’re speaking about. ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/22 "2014-10-20T04:29:58Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Look at the bright side; your check at the restaurant will be smaller than expected. > > Oh . . . and how do I get on the invitation list for 2015?😉 Sorry Kayaker, I only turn 40 once. (You might find the travel time a bit disagreeable too.) Just to note, It didn’t annoy me, and I certainly didn’t take it as her having a go at me about it. I just thought it was a little… thoughtless I suppose. She is a fair bit younger than me, so maybe it’s a generational approach to social media. I messaged her after I saw the post and asked if there was anything I could do to accommodate her better. She had actually called the restaurant a few days before to see if there was anything on the menu she could eat. As it turned out, she had some rice, and a few drinks, and the company was good. So I think she had an OK time. Everyone else enjoyed the evening from all the feedback I’ve had. If anyone is interested, after dinner we adjourned to a small boutique cinema where I had organised a private screening of my favourite movie - Aliens. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/23 "2014-10-20T04:35:21Z")
I love Thai! I’ll have yours! \* What?\* Your going to have Thai, Thai, Thai. Thai, Thai, Thai, Thai, Thai, Thai, Baked Beans and Thai? I luv it! ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/24 "2014-10-20T06:56:22Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > If anyone is interested, after dinner we adjourned to a small boutique cinema where I had organised a private screening of my favourite movie - Aliens. 😃 I’m guessing Thai Terrace and Blue Room Cinebar. Was I close? ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/25 "2014-10-20T07:10:02Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > I’m guessing Thai Terrace and Blue Room Cinebar. Was I close? Give the man a cigar!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/26 "2014-10-20T11:44:02Z")
Happy Birthday! How will you top that for the big five-o? ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/27 "2014-10-20T17:02:26Z")
GreedySmurf – sounds like a great time! > [@kayaker](#): > > Nice? Nineteen people are going to enjoy a Thai meal, which she cannot eat and you think she is being _nice_ by not insisting the venue be changed to one she prefers? > > If I invite twenty people out for a meal and I’m picking up the check, then one person out of the twenty tells me they don’t/can’t eat that cuisine, well it just sorta sucks to be them. Right? Well, yes. However, I do think she’s being considerate because a whole lot of people would just be entitled dickheads about it. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/28 "2014-10-20T17:51:59Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > First up i suppose, do you think that was tactless? No, because I see no insult in what she said. It’s not like you wouldn’t eventually find out her issue anyway, when she shows up and doesn’t order any food. She’s saving you the surprise. > [@](#): > > Or does social media encourage thoughtless ‘sharing’? Yes, it does. Unless her comment was prompted by someone else’s question or observation, I don’t know why she’d think there would be any public interest in whether she was going to eat beforehand or not. Having a space to announce mundane trivialities seems important to a large segment of FaceBook users, and it’s likely your friend is among them. I could also imagine her using the pretense of talking about her eating preference to make it less obvious she was low-grade bragging about her active social life-having partying self. This kind of shtick is prevalent on FaceBook. The [“Bae caught me sleeping”](http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/20-best-baby-caught-me-sleeping-photos) meme illustrates (rather comically) how deep this need can go. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/29 "2014-10-20T18:02:03Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Well, yes. However, I do think she’s being considerate because a whole lot of people would just be entitled dickheads about it. Ahh, ok. See, I would put “dickheads” at one extreme, and “just plain normal folks” in the middle of a continuum. Nice/considerate I’d put at the far other end of the spectrum and would involve doing additional pleasant stuff. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/30 "2014-10-20T18:35:35Z")
> [@Sarabellum1976](#): > > I suppose it really depends on the delivery of the comments, but I wouldn’t be so fast to take it as an insult. I agree. Unless it was posted in some kind of way like _“That b\*\*ch **GreedySmurf** planned this party with Thai food that she knows I can’t eat. Guess I better eat before I go!”_, it’s more than likely just someone posting something entirely inane on Facebook without really thinking about it. All sorts of people on Facebook post the stupidest stuff- their exercise results (who gives a f\*\*k if they ran 2.17 miles today?), what they had for lunch, their traffic situation, what they’re doing later that day, what they did the night before, how bored they are, etc… This just seems like more of the same. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/31 "2014-10-20T19:53:09Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I agree. Unless it was posted in some kind of way like _“That b\*\*ch **GreedySmurf** planned this party with Thai food that she knows I can’t eat. Guess I better eat before I go!”_, it’s more than likely just someone posting something entirely inane on Facebook without really thinking about it. > > All sorts of people on Facebook post the stupidest stuff- their exercise results (who gives a f\*\*k if they ran 2.17 miles today?), what they had for lunch, their traffic situation, what they’re doing later that day, what they did the night before, how bored they are, etc… This just seems like more of the same. Yanno, because when you get together with your friend in real life, that face-to-face wonderland of friendship, you never talk about how your daily exercise really makes you feel better, that great place you ate lunch at, how you were stuck in traffic for 2 hours and it suuucked, that party you’re going to later, that great tv show you watched last night, how boring work was today… Nahhh, nobody talks about that stuff in real life. So why would they talk about it on Facebook? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/32 "2014-10-20T20:33:58Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > Yanno, because when you get together with your friend in real life, that face-to-face wonderland of friendship, you never talk about how your daily exercise really makes you feel better, that great place you ate lunch at, how you were stuck in traffic for 2 hours and it suuucked, that party you’re going to later, that great tv show you watched last night, how boring work was today… > > Nahhh, nobody talks about that stuff in real life. So why would they talk about it on Facebook? Yeah, because Facebook posts are exactly like real life conversations. :rolleyes: Seriously, in real life I don’t go around showing pictures off my selfies or quoting Biblical scriptures apropos of nothing or waxing poetic about the first thing that crossed my mind when I woke up this morning. I talk about some dumb shit, but not the same level of dumb shit that frequently appears on Facebook. And I seriously doubt that most people who post dumb shit on Facebook go around interacting like that in real life. If they did, they wouldn’t have any real life friends. It is perfectly reasonable to go WTF!! about some of the crazy-ass shit that people put up on their Facebook pages. To do so is not to tarnish the medium. Just idiotic people. **you with the face** , those selfies are making me feel have a very intense and unhealthy hatred for young people. Now I have to scour the internet for an uplifting inspirational story involving teenagers just to counteract that craziness. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/33 "2014-10-20T21:09:25Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > all of which I’m paying for. You might have to change your username. That doesn’t sound greedy at all. Of course, if you are small and blue, you could keep the Smurf part. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/34 "2014-10-21T00:26:14Z")
> [@bump](#): > > All sorts of people on Facebook post the stupidest stuff- their exercise results (who gives a f\*\*k if they ran 2.17 miles today?), what they had for lunch, their traffic situation, what they’re doing later that day, what they did the night before, how bored they are, etc… This just seems like more of the same. Not really – people used to record this stuff in their daily journals 100 years ago. Only now they just keep them online. Seriously, what’s the difference? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/35 "2014-10-21T00:43:40Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Not really – people used to record this stuff in their daily journals 100 years ago. Only now they just keep them online. Seriously, what’s the difference? Daily journals from a century ago were not distributed amongst friends, families, acquaintances, and prospective employers. Nor was it normal for people to carry their journals around with them so that they could update them on an hourly basis and then expect their friends and family to give them constant feedback. Just a WAG. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/36 "2014-10-21T01:50:13Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > So you have two options: pretend you didn’t see the post is one. The other is to give her a call and ask her about the post; if she has an allergy\* that can be reasonably accommodated, call the restaurant, explain the situation, and ask the chef to come up with something that she can have. And ask the chef to be sure there’s no cross-contamination with other dishes. > [/SIZE] People with severe allergies won’t necessarily trust the restaurant. Especially if the negociation was done by a third party that might or might not convey the right message, and if they can’t see by themselves if the issue seems to be taken seriously by the restaurant. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/37 "2014-10-21T02:18:25Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > But if you’re trying to find a loophole for the waitress and kitchen, let me elaborate. She said, “I don’t eat meat. No animals. No fish. Only vegetables. Does this soup have only vegetables?” This was not the first time it’s happened. She’s learned to be very explicit. Still doesn’t work well at Thai, Chinese or Korean restaurants. Or Bob Evans. I went there with a client, and I ordered stir fried vegetables over rice-- the only option that wasn’t an omelet, and made it clear I was looking for a meatless option. I just had to look at it (and smell it) to know something was wrong. “This has meat.” “No it doesn’t.” “How is the rice made?” “With chicken broth.” :smack: Thing was, they had rice made with water, it just wasn’t what they served with the stir-fried veggies. They brought me another plate. I’ll bet they scraped the same veggies onto new rice. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/38 "2014-10-21T04:15:09Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Therefore their bodies are made of meat. > > > [@Jragon](#): > > > > Are you sure they’re not a meat head with an electron plasma brain inside, like the Weddilei? Maybe they’re like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage? CMC fnord! ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/39 "2014-10-21T13:38:57Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Daily journals from a century ago were not distributed amongst friends, families, acquaintances, and prospective employers. Nor was it normal for people to carry their journals around with them so that they could update them on an hourly basis and then expect their friends and family to give them constant feedback. > > Just a WAG. That’s pretty much my feeling as well. I mean, it’s one thing to announce something exciting on Facebook about your family and/or friends, or to pose an interesting question to your friends, but another thing entirely to post stuff that’s just inane that nobody could possibly care about. I mean, some guy in 1914 may have written in his journal about the joint of beef and hearty ale he had for dinner, but nobody else cared, and they’d probably have thought it strange and likely inappropriate conversation had he brought it up in public. Yet I get to see pictures of gnarly looking food all the time from people I know, and half of it is “healthy” food that looks like it’s been pre-vomited. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644/40 "2014-10-21T13:48:20Z")
If you multiply users by the amount of time it is possible to be on Facebook, to come up with a unit like “Fabcebook-minutes,” you see that all the interesting stuff probably got used up five or six years ago. Seriously, it is simply not possible for everything on Facebook to be interesting. This is one of the reasons I hardly ever look at it. I log on maybe three times a year. I wouldn’t even have a page if my brother hadn’t pestered me to get one until I gave in. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tactlessness-on-social-media/701644.md?page=3)